Namaste

2006-07-31

What is happening here?

peer through the thin surface
into the murky depths
your eyes probe with futility
you reach out with your hand
to feel what I try to hide

Peer through the thin waves
The purity of the surface
conceals the dark depths
do you risk finding the bottom
knowing you might drown

L'incroyable ECM

Katrina at 3:50 AM

The shape of water

I am rippled
like an ocean at midnight
enduring the pressure
of slight breeze
grazing the surface

transient
harbouring lost letters in a bottle
waters undulating
beware the squall line
beneath the moving flux
is life underhand

clear and blue
translucent evolution
unserene motion
conform to any shape
besides its own
it's only just a flood
awaiting the inevitable waterfall
change or adapt

Now, not rippled
like an ocean at midnight
I am the wind
pushing the tide
and moving through the world
bearing down only on myself
openly and honestly
unknowingly making waves

Katrina at 3:43 AM

2006-07-30

death

there was the demon
hidden somewhere between
a bad and a repressed memory
a swollen indent remain where he sat
sore to the touch and bleeding
victims lay round the pedestal
brainwashed and angry at the house
the idea of eternal fire
seemed the best choice
perspective changes
when juxtaposed to nothing
extinguish yourself
put out a fire
it becomes carbon in the soul

that requires no great strength

to find the spark
that ignites the flame
and set us all ablaze
life learned must become
life unlearned and
learning from yourself
means dying in the worst of ways

Katrina at 8:32 AM

2006-07-29

custom crooked curves

when did the universe implode
atop every child in the playground
too slowly introduced
going home to grievances
unbeknownst to them
a injection of trauma

15 years later
writing shitty poetry
finding a realistic pursuit
when everything,
in forms of illusion

I met a former robot last night
he spoke of all the women
and how he hated his mother
'there was a point when it all became worthless'
I thought he was luckier than I
still seeing not the switch
wishing it was on his forehead

now, 4am, blue televison aura
blankets my room
which seems smaller then ever before
but sleeping is painless
and I am custom built
to self destruct

Katrina at 10:51 PM

2006-07-28

entry #22 (Literal and Selfish)

In this picture. Pretend there is a mirror I would be looking at...If I wasnt in fact looking away.
Notice the lack of hue. How I am lacking saturation. I look somewhat happy but only because I am looking off of my balcony as if translucent words are appearing that spell out
'LET ME HELP YOU'.
Only no one can help me. This is my issue.

I'd like to leave this blank. I feel it would be symbolic of my mind. I swear I am forgetting my life. Literally. My humour is becoming cheesy. My Intelligence seems to be lacking. I have no direction, motivation and im clearly in hibernation.
Here goes nothing, here comes the emotional junk (that is a warning). Again literally.

I am officially my toughest critic. What could possibly drive me to get out of bed each morning. I am a person that embraces beauty. I love to laugh. I'd say I am pretty damn chipper almost always. Not as a facade. Genuine. I do things because I want to. So, now I sit here comtemplating my whole existence. Clearly, I have no one to blame but myself for anything I could possibly have to bitch or whine or cry about at this point. This is what I do. I bitch and whine and cry to myself. Then I write a few (thousand) poems and in that...in that moment...I see how selfish I am becoming. Only a selfish person would be happy on the outside and dying on the inside. Starving (literally) artists become self centered. I only say this because I have nothing to cry about besides my own mistakes. Instead of changing things I am wallowing in how miserable I have become. Yet, boasting about other things of meaningless worth that I have accomplished.

My last tarot reading had a reversed tower in it and beside it the hermit. so. I am feeling the honesty of those cards as of the past month. jupiter is in my planet. I should be utilizing these astronomical volunteers. So this morning. As I blog to you my faithful listeners (myself, selfish, once again).
I am vowing to make a change. Some options have become available to me and I spend most of my time doing nothing. Its time to buck up or fuck up. Time to get out there and use these thoughts and words in my head to join forces with others. Help others. Help myself (selfish again).


Katrina at 5:07 AM

2006-07-25

in photoshop...i suck





Katrina at 1:41 AM

follow the highway in your mind

Katrina at 1:19 AM

2006-07-24

A night on the town.

steps into oblivion
down the street of pandemic
hustling virus and hate
street merchants selling souls
what would be life to search for
now comes in a box
full of pictures and words
but its not your mind anymore
but a pot of everyone you know
everyone you've ever seen
all drowning in the boil
so seek a whole new you
everyday waking up
same but this...
a night of being outside yourself for once
refreshing. growing new skin.
out went the bad in listening
same words. different positions.
amazing.
you forgot who you were
momentarily
found yourself lost in nothing
gazing upon the other eyes
getting lost in pupils
black. nothing.
unlike me.
perfect.

Katrina at 11:41 PM

words mean nothing

outwards from mouth
previously circling inside
aged and been waiting
spearmint breath compressing between tongue and teeth
between words
his lips careless warriors
morphing and pressing against each other
must be releasing in hopes to relieve each other
from the ecstasy of touch
begging for a hiatus from the labour
(that I could sleep eternal for)
of pushing out sounds of emotive melody
all dancing in love with one another
forming a book of heart for my ears to awaken to
and breifly for a moment
i am transparent and time stands still
all my mind can muster
is ways to become a part of your lips
afraid to ask for your kiss

Katrina at 5:02 AM

2006-07-22

A message...from a friend.

schlupi says:
we can never truly know what lies ahead
schlupi says:
but
schlupi says:
just know
schlupi says:
that you are a wonderful person
schlupi says:
good night

Some people fade into your life. You don't quite remember how they came. You may never know where they went.

Some people have the power to say one thing and for once, if only for a moment, you believe it.

Some people can say the simplest of things and it brings out an emotion so great you get goosebumps.

This is for all of you, who have been that ultimate truth for someone.

Katrina at 3:24 AM

fireflies dance in the trees in that park. probably dancing now.





Katrina at 2:34 AM

2006-07-21

trees. in french.




Katrina at 4:17 AM

2006-07-18

Peek-churs





Katrina at 3:01 AM

2006-07-06

lets mix some words together.

I needed somewhere to write some things that no one will ever read and if they do, never have any thoughts about it. Life is crazy. These are my thoughts on some things. although, you'll never decipher most of it. Thats the lovely lovely handicapped part about it all. no titles. whats in a name?


darker than the infinite
black in every sense
a shape of the unconquered
put on the mask of wax
search for satisfaction
fall unto the knees
a broken piece of shelter
where the ignorance would be
control the siege that are put in place

sleep is the death of me

take breath to hollow lungs
falling brook
the rocks become sand
but its floating that shook
the silence of the air

-----------------------------------------------

what flames are those
that cast the heat
upon the cold and silent heart
that raises the pressure of mercury thermometers
that burns skin under the sunlight
melts the fondue in the kitchen
to dip the sweet fruit into a warm blanket
only to be eaten by a mouth
that loves the sweet chocolate
with undertones of a bittersweet strawberry

-----------------------------------------------


I will spare you all the details
they only fill a space
a form over function type words in a space
they only make things pretty
enough for you to bare
the girl who doesn't know herself
or whats buried under there
I'll let myself be who I am
and carry on my way
I'll take whats left of mine to give
and share it in a way
that makes myself feel better
about the things ive done today
and hopefully the words I lack
will flow from my selfless actions
and you will see whats really here
under the aesthetical attraction

----------------------------------------


dull gray coulds to keep
windowpanes feeling sad
faces change to rain
from an outside view
found life i suppose
watching a liquid muse
fall for love

-----------------------------------------


I am hidden.
veil me.
the torpid character.
how sedulous and cunning.
I want to push her off a cliff
she only becomes fruitless,
when I am begging for a basket
to give to those im ingratiating.
I thought that I was feeling.
I'm only proving something,
I'm a lie to everyone.
sweet veil please keep them blinded.

-------------------------------------------


this does not constitute love
ill make magic from these words
this does not fabricate feelings
ill help the fire under foliage
wet and hard to burn
but its not about to flame
this could take some experience
this is like a ball and chain
forgive me for my weakness
but its you that i am all about
but its you thats under siege
and i am ditching out on me
this romance is inhaling bleach
your lungs are feeling faulted
and taken swift to collapsing
need a rest
forget the rest
heart cant ignore the beat
this is going to break me down
im not ready for defeat

------------------------------------------

I am radio kid
I buzz around like waves in the air
and meet the other waves up there
sometimes someone will tune me in
sometimes I am the good song on
sometimes Im changed and pushed to fly
and remain a radiowave in flight

-------------------------------------------


Street lights pass me by.
I am not moving
we are brave enough to pretend these moments last
who are you kindly stranger?
what have you endured?
do street lights take you to your place?
where are you going to?
a dog named grimblys hungry
you've gone to get some food.
a hungry dogs a bitch to please
if you haven't got the tools.
you just cuss and pass me by
like all other seconds gone
they never stop to say hello
and always they have won
so fair thee well dear stranger
you cast me off quite well
but thanks for listening to my rant
I'm one step further out of hell.

-------------------------------------------


in the dark
we hear the bark on the trees call our names
the whispering wind soothe us with song again
where are we headed?
who cares lets us drive
take the backroads and we'll meet someone we don't know
deeply and passionately we'll seek the unknown
in the dawn before we left
we stared into the mist and we left our little heads
lets do our best at feeling life
instead of beating it
lets call out to the forest and let it choose our path
and wander in forgotten places
forget all the math
make something from nothing
and find the truth and one thing
that sets us free and follows me
into your heart
tonight at dusk

Katrina at 4:17 PM

diary

previously

archieves

credits



Namaste

2006-07-31

What is happening here?

peer through the thin surface
into the murky depths
your eyes probe with futility
you reach out with your hand
to feel what I try to hide

Peer through the thin waves
The purity of the surface
conceals the dark depths
do you risk finding the bottom
knowing you might drown

L'incroyable ECM

Katrina at 3:50 AM

The shape of water

I am rippled
like an ocean at midnight
enduring the pressure
of slight breeze
grazing the surface

transient
harbouring lost letters in a bottle
waters undulating
beware the squall line
beneath the moving flux
is life underhand

clear and blue
translucent evolution
unserene motion
conform to any shape
besides its own
it's only just a flood
awaiting the inevitable waterfall
change or adapt

Now, not rippled
like an ocean at midnight
I am the wind
pushing the tide
and moving through the world
bearing down only on myself
openly and honestly
unknowingly making waves

Katrina at 3:43 AM

2006-07-30

death

there was the demon
hidden somewhere between
a bad and a repressed memory
a swollen indent remain where he sat
sore to the touch and bleeding
victims lay round the pedestal
brainwashed and angry at the house
the idea of eternal fire
seemed the best choice
perspective changes
when juxtaposed to nothing
extinguish yourself
put out a fire
it becomes carbon in the soul

that requires no great strength

to find the spark
that ignites the flame
and set us all ablaze
life learned must become
life unlearned and
learning from yourself
means dying in the worst of ways

Katrina at 8:32 AM

2006-07-29

custom crooked curves

when did the universe implode
atop every child in the playground
too slowly introduced
going home to grievances
unbeknownst to them
a injection of trauma

15 years later
writing shitty poetry
finding a realistic pursuit
when everything,
in forms of illusion

I met a former robot last night
he spoke of all the women
and how he hated his mother
'there was a point when it all became worthless'
I thought he was luckier than I
still seeing not the switch
wishing it was on his forehead

now, 4am, blue televison aura
blankets my room
which seems smaller then ever before
but sleeping is painless
and I am custom built
to self destruct

Katrina at 10:51 PM

2006-07-28

entry #22 (Literal and Selfish)

In this picture. Pretend there is a mirror I would be looking at...If I wasnt in fact looking away.
Notice the lack of hue. How I am lacking saturation. I look somewhat happy but only because I am looking off of my balcony as if translucent words are appearing that spell out
'LET ME HELP YOU'.
Only no one can help me. This is my issue.

I'd like to leave this blank. I feel it would be symbolic of my mind. I swear I am forgetting my life. Literally. My humour is becoming cheesy. My Intelligence seems to be lacking. I have no direction, motivation and im clearly in hibernation.
Here goes nothing, here comes the emotional junk (that is a warning). Again literally.

I am officially my toughest critic. What could possibly drive me to get out of bed each morning. I am a person that embraces beauty. I love to laugh. I'd say I am pretty damn chipper almost always. Not as a facade. Genuine. I do things because I want to. So, now I sit here comtemplating my whole existence. Clearly, I have no one to blame but myself for anything I could possibly have to bitch or whine or cry about at this point. This is what I do. I bitch and whine and cry to myself. Then I write a few (thousand) poems and in that...in that moment...I see how selfish I am becoming. Only a selfish person would be happy on the outside and dying on the inside. Starving (literally) artists become self centered. I only say this because I have nothing to cry about besides my own mistakes. Instead of changing things I am wallowing in how miserable I have become. Yet, boasting about other things of meaningless worth that I have accomplished.

My last tarot reading had a reversed tower in it and beside it the hermit. so. I am feeling the honesty of those cards as of the past month. jupiter is in my planet. I should be utilizing these astronomical volunteers. So this morning. As I blog to you my faithful listeners (myself, selfish, once again).
I am vowing to make a change. Some options have become available to me and I spend most of my time doing nothing. Its time to buck up or fuck up. Time to get out there and use these thoughts and words in my head to join forces with others. Help others. Help myself (selfish again).


Katrina at 5:07 AM

2006-07-25

in photoshop...i suck





Katrina at 1:41 AM

follow the highway in your mind

Katrina at 1:19 AM

2006-07-24

A night on the town.

steps into oblivion
down the street of pandemic
hustling virus and hate
street merchants selling souls
what would be life to search for
now comes in a box
full of pictures and words
but its not your mind anymore
but a pot of everyone you know
everyone you've ever seen
all drowning in the boil
so seek a whole new you
everyday waking up
same but this...
a night of being outside yourself for once
refreshing. growing new skin.
out went the bad in listening
same words. different positions.
amazing.
you forgot who you were
momentarily
found yourself lost in nothing
gazing upon the other eyes
getting lost in pupils
black. nothing.
unlike me.
perfect.

Katrina at 11:41 PM

words mean nothing

outwards from mouth
previously circling inside
aged and been waiting
spearmint breath compressing between tongue and teeth
between words
his lips careless warriors
morphing and pressing against each other
must be releasing in hopes to relieve each other
from the ecstasy of touch
begging for a hiatus from the labour
(that I could sleep eternal for)
of pushing out sounds of emotive melody
all dancing in love with one another
forming a book of heart for my ears to awaken to
and breifly for a moment
i am transparent and time stands still
all my mind can muster
is ways to become a part of your lips
afraid to ask for your kiss

Katrina at 5:02 AM

2006-07-22

A message...from a friend.

schlupi says:
we can never truly know what lies ahead
schlupi says:
but
schlupi says:
just know
schlupi says:
that you are a wonderful person
schlupi says:
good night

Some people fade into your life. You don't quite remember how they came. You may never know where they went.

Some people have the power to say one thing and for once, if only for a moment, you believe it.

Some people can say the simplest of things and it brings out an emotion so great you get goosebumps.

This is for all of you, who have been that ultimate truth for someone.

Katrina at 3:24 AM

fireflies dance in the trees in that park. probably dancing now.





Katrina at 2:34 AM

2006-07-21

trees. in french.




Katrina at 4:17 AM

2006-07-18

Peek-churs





Katrina at 3:01 AM

2006-07-06

lets mix some words together.

I needed somewhere to write some things that no one will ever read and if they do, never have any thoughts about it. Life is crazy. These are my thoughts on some things. although, you'll never decipher most of it. Thats the lovely lovely handicapped part about it all. no titles. whats in a name?


darker than the infinite
black in every sense
a shape of the unconquered
put on the mask of wax
search for satisfaction
fall unto the knees
a broken piece of shelter
where the ignorance would be
control the siege that are put in place

sleep is the death of me

take breath to hollow lungs
falling brook
the rocks become sand
but its floating that shook
the silence of the air

-----------------------------------------------

what flames are those
that cast the heat
upon the cold and silent heart
that raises the pressure of mercury thermometers
that burns skin under the sunlight
melts the fondue in the kitchen
to dip the sweet fruit into a warm blanket
only to be eaten by a mouth
that loves the sweet chocolate
with undertones of a bittersweet strawberry

-----------------------------------------------


I will spare you all the details
they only fill a space
a form over function type words in a space
they only make things pretty
enough for you to bare
the girl who doesn't know herself
or whats buried under there
I'll let myself be who I am
and carry on my way
I'll take whats left of mine to give
and share it in a way
that makes myself feel better
about the things ive done today
and hopefully the words I lack
will flow from my selfless actions
and you will see whats really here
under the aesthetical attraction

----------------------------------------


dull gray coulds to keep
windowpanes feeling sad
faces change to rain
from an outside view
found life i suppose
watching a liquid muse
fall for love

-----------------------------------------


I am hidden.
veil me.
the torpid character.
how sedulous and cunning.
I want to push her off a cliff
she only becomes fruitless,
when I am begging for a basket
to give to those im ingratiating.
I thought that I was feeling.
I'm only proving something,
I'm a lie to everyone.
sweet veil please keep them blinded.

-------------------------------------------


this does not constitute love
ill make magic from these words
this does not fabricate feelings
ill help the fire under foliage
wet and hard to burn
but its not about to flame
this could take some experience
this is like a ball and chain
forgive me for my weakness
but its you that i am all about
but its you thats under siege
and i am ditching out on me
this romance is inhaling bleach
your lungs are feeling faulted
and taken swift to collapsing
need a rest
forget the rest
heart cant ignore the beat
this is going to break me down
im not ready for defeat

------------------------------------------

I am radio kid
I buzz around like waves in the air
and meet the other waves up there
sometimes someone will tune me in
sometimes I am the good song on
sometimes Im changed and pushed to fly
and remain a radiowave in flight

-------------------------------------------


Street lights pass me by.
I am not moving
we are brave enough to pretend these moments last
who are you kindly stranger?
what have you endured?
do street lights take you to your place?
where are you going to?
a dog named grimblys hungry
you've gone to get some food.
a hungry dogs a bitch to please
if you haven't got the tools.
you just cuss and pass me by
like all other seconds gone
they never stop to say hello
and always they have won
so fair thee well dear stranger
you cast me off quite well
but thanks for listening to my rant
I'm one step further out of hell.

-------------------------------------------


in the dark
we hear the bark on the trees call our names
the whispering wind soothe us with song again
where are we headed?
who cares lets us drive
take the backroads and we'll meet someone we don't know
deeply and passionately we'll seek the unknown
in the dawn before we left
we stared into the mist and we left our little heads
lets do our best at feeling life
instead of beating it
lets call out to the forest and let it choose our path
and wander in forgotten places
forget all the math
make something from nothing
and find the truth and one thing
that sets us free and follows me
into your heart
tonight at dusk

Katrina at 4:17 PM

diary

previously

archieves