2006-11-30

pain

an ear infection/ache (or something) just woke me up out of a beautiful sleep to stab me in the ear...carmen is on her way, she's bringing me an anti-histamine. I didn't know I had drug connections at this time of the morning.
sweet
pointless post

Katrina at 2:02 AM

2006-11-29

the synchronicity of the long distance caller.

Is it unhealthy to want to move into the middle of nowhere and live off dirt and acid rain? Somehow I am driven to believe the acid rain would cure my ails and the dirt would remind me who I am. kind of like pooping ;) I am having a problem with the fact that I need money to survive. I realize its not exactly true. If I was broke I am positive I would not perish but I mean I would rather live under a roof. I would rather eat at my will. I would still, even though the other sounds enjoyable, like to leave my house fully clothed. If i didn't I would be fined for indecent exposure anyways and still need money to pay the damn fine. The problem is that is what it is all about with so many people and behind so many ideas. I received a call from bell today (which is crazy weird because of other aspects) they were trying to sell me a long distance package. I already have one. 'well, you are not receiving our newest and most valued package, your package is out dated'. So! I shop at friggin' value village I am not so much worried about how outdated my things are. Not to mention the package he wanted me to buy was in fact 3 dollars more and I was to inherit 500 more long distance minutes a month that I would not use. I will admit he was good though. His rebuttals were excellent and he really did make me feel obligated. I perservered and came out unscathed. The point though is that he wants that sale so badly he is willing to convince me that I am not getting ripped off when indeed I will end up with less money in order for himself to make commission. With that said, I choose to fight him because I want my money to stay where it is.
It just reminds me of how greedy we are. especially when people are calling my house to ask for my money. He might as well asked to borrow 50 dollars. I would have been more likely to give in.
Do you understand? He wants my money and keeps pushing for it and I want my money and keep pushing away from his sale.
Christ.
I dont know where the line of demarcation is...give me a sign.
If he really wants my money so badly next time he calls I am going to have my paycheques directly deposited into his bank account and tell him to make me dinner I'm coming over and its the least he can do.
I hate money.

Katrina at 8:05 PM

hot news!!

Leah called me just now and she said exactly this:

'long boring flight was a polar opposite prelude to utter beauty, you would love it, love you, bye'

apparently shes on a budget. I'm happy she made it.

Katrina at 6:21 PM

Funny

Katrina at 7:42 AM

My stupid boyfriend wants a blowjob

this was funny on so many levels.

Katrina at 7:34 AM

2006-11-27

I felt like a poem today. careful its a little edgy.

colors and identities bleeding together
moments unwind into time
and dies in the throats of unspoken dreams
the flow of which I find
myself swallowing everything I ever sworn not to
cursing as I tore down the curtains that blind
revealing the grey tones of winter
and the battles unwon
and unheard sounds reverberate
off the insides of my mind

Katrina at 7:12 PM

leahs got seoul.

Some of you know her. What you don't know (because she is sneaky sneaky) is shes leaving for seoul, south korea at 2am for 3 years. Somehow it doesn't seem fair that we were such good friends in high school maintained that while she was at brock and the past 7 months since she came home was far too short before she is leaving again. I am kinda wishing I had taken tesol with you this summer (ack! i know i know). I will miss you like the desert missed the rain? she is going to do all the things she loves. Explore, Learn, Teach and Change. Growth.
I'm seriously going to miss her. Please don't be old when you come back. Stay young, it's what we know best. Love it double for us.

'it'll be filled with hot pockets and balogna when I get there'

Katrina at 5:55 PM

Happy Birthday Someone! (who are you?)

I realize a free trade society probably won't work, for various bullshit reasons. Today I am really pushing for it. Since that will likely go nowhere I am creating MONDAY MORNING MOTIVATION. I am only expecting this to work for me since I'm not really the type to move people as I am mostly moved myself but who knows (who cares?). I will only say if you don't do it on monday it will still be there tuesday. This bugs me but anways...I watched a good movie just now called lovely and amazing. A chick flick. Now I don't normally love chick flicks just because I find them mostly unrealistic and dramatic but this one was good. It worked with really down to earth and brutally honest situations and I love how it worked because it was much like my everyday life. That being that things work completely backwards most of the time. You can't plan for much. So they(I) don't and it comes out backwards from what the watcher would expect to happen anyways. This is everyday life for me and I really liked that movie.
Back to MONDAY MORNING MOTIVATION (i want that to be said by the big boy furniture guy). I am taking the rest of the bag of candy canes that I gave out to the kids at the parade on route to work with me this morning. I will try to get rid of all of them. Shouldn't be too hard once you reguarly take the same route 5 times a week you tend to see the same faces...they soon become friendly faces. I am hoping it will improve everyones day including my own. This is not always the case. Some people forget. meh. At least I wont have a huge bag of candy canes staring at me all day. They become addictive. I'm craving one right now....
Also, I hope to see no fault today. Even in the obviously faulty. It would only be obviously faulty to my standards and this is not right. Although, If I do not reach this seemingly perfect plateau of thoughtlessness that is fine because it's perfect anyway it comes. Today is yours my friends. Do with it what you will. Smile once more than you would think to and be a little more like yourself than you were yesterday. If you think you were exactly yourself yesterday then do something you haven't done yet and would like to.
I personally am making breakfast for my family before I go. They will eat it all I'm sure.
Good day to you.

Katrina at 5:59 AM

Love Corner

this made me laugh

Katrina at 1:18 AM

2006-11-26

sleep, touching and crushes(??)

So, I took the advice of a friend. I bought the 3mg melatonin strips (thats not alot?) and I took the melatonin and I slept. FOR 24 DAMN HOURS. yes, I fell asleep after being up for 31 hours and continued to sleep until 10:30.There is something wrong with that picture. I can't get that day back friend....jeez. He didn't warn me that I would lose whole pages of existence in the process.
Although, he said if it works then I am low on melatonin....I don't think that can be operated on...(ha)Still, I think I will give away these strips for free to small hyperactive children. haha, no I won't but I won't be using them again. I think I'd rather go a more natural route like staring at the celing.
I was also having a conversation with someone on the art of touch. Normally, we are afraid of touch(well not us, but alot of people). We personally refrain from touching people because we are unsure of their boundaries(we don't have many). I personally have no qualms about being touched, in a warming sense, I would rather a hand on me somewhere (ok, not there, money up front baby!). Even when I am talking to someone on the street and they are speaking of irrelevant things and when I walk away they touch my shoulder or something I don't mind. I like it even. I think its kind of sad that we all can't sit on each other in a tiny room crammed with 50 people(without the ecstacy...If you've been in a room like that with ecstacy then you know what I am saying) and not assume its sexual harrasment, or that cheating bastard or you make me uncomfortable. The only thing that really makes me uncomfortable is when YOU are uncomfortable. Which is why I don't cuddle with random people at the bus stops and in libraries, at work, in the grocery store frozen food aisle (it's cold in there) etc.etc.
I still haven't asked the man at the friendly neighbourhood convenient store his name. I don't think I care enough. He always keeps me for 15 mins-ish telling me the funniest stories but yesterday was awesome because he gave me 7 long long clippings from this beautiful purple plant he has in the store (we were on the topic of plants). I should take him some clippings of my plants after I pot them for him. I will do this for sure. It's only fair.
Although I slept the day away. And I did miss my reruns of cosby show and the DOC of the week but thats ok because they will be on again sometime around 3am and 4am.
I am sure that day was a good day. I've only been begging for sleep for a decade now.
Just deserts. I shouldn't complain.

...on a side note this song makes me smile...

I've gotta big big big big heart beat, yeah
I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I've been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start our own peculiar ways
with good and friendly homes
You get me freaked freaked freaked on preakness
Never met a girl that likes to drink with horses
Knows her Chinese ballet
Must admit you smell like fruity nuts and good grains
When you show my purple gaze
A thing or two at night
Make me sick sick sick to kiss you
and I think that I woud vomit
But I'll do that on mondays I dont have to work anyways
I like it when I bump you an accident's a truth gate
I'm humbled in your pretty lense
I'll hold you dont you go
Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative, I know....
Well I'd like to spread your perfume around the old apartment
Could we live together and agree on the same wares?
A trapeze is a bird cage even if its empty and definitely fits the room
And we would too
And my dear dear dear khalana
I talk too much about you
Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through
Lets just talk together
You and me and me and you
And if there's nothing much to say
Well, silence is a bore
I've gotta big big big big heart beat,
yeah I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I've been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start our own peculiar ways
With good and friendly homes
Sometimes you're quiet, and sometimes I'm quiet, hallelujah
Sometimes I'm talkative, and sometimes you're not talkative, i know....
Sometimes you hear me when others they can't hear me. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I'm naked and thank god sometimes you're naked.
Well, hello..... Can I tell you that you are the purple in me?
Can I call you just to hear you, would you care?
When I saw you put your purple finger on me
There's a feelin' in your bottle
Found your bottle, found your heart
Gives a feeling from your bottled little part
Got a crush high
Thought I crushed all I could
Crushed all I can then I touched your hand
Crush high Dont want it to stop
'Cause stories of your brother make my crush high pop
And you couldn't really know, cause it's in my toes
And sometimes I wonder where that crush high go
Crush high then I go and take some pills
Cause I can't do all of my dos and still feel ill
-animal collective/the purple bottle

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye goodnight.

Katrina at 10:26 PM

2006-11-25

friends ask for the darnest things...

Current Music: deftones - cherry waves

1. So, what did you do all day?: Went to work late. went to see the lights in vic park with iyanna after work. had a coffee with iyanna. had supper with iyanna. got drunk with iyanna and her girlfriend and her sister and came home to iyanna sending me this damn survey :)
2. What is the most expensive thing you've bought recently? my education...which was today..although i haven't paid yet I don't look forward to it.
3. Last concert (or show) you attended: marthas trouble in hamilton
4. Coolest thing you've gotten in the mail lately: A bill. Woo!
5. Describe your favourite article of clothing: It would be my satin paisley pajamas.
6. Last video game played: virtual golf on the wii that shit is addicting.
7. How many CDs do you have by any ONE artist or group? Oh shit. maybe you don't understand the amount of music I own. I would have to go with NIN. I have all the halos.
8. What's for dinner?: we had cordon bleu. that was yesterday though.
9. Do you have any collections?: I have a book collection and I collect paisley things.
10. What was the last board game you played?: snakes and ladders! but with shot glasses.
11. Who won?: everyone loses when the liver is the winner?
12. Do you subscribe to any magazines? yourmomonline.com
13. Last movie you saw at a theatre: nuclear evolution at the museum...does that count?
14. Last movie you watched at home: a documentary on the woe of tanzania..i dont remember the name.
15. Do you have any special traditions only you or your family does? Traditionally, jackie will call me at 5am on any given holiday (even civic) and exclaim 'MERRY FUCKIN __(ex: civic day)_MAN'. She will then insist on having a coffee and a conversation. The greatest tradition ever.
16. What was the last thing you created: On tues i made a bad picture from oil pastels. :)
17. Are you reading any books right now?: Lila by robert pirsig.
18. Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?: Where do the wild geese go? by someone but the art was amazing.
19. What do you do when you can't fall asleep?: Stare at the ceiling. or meditate mostly get out of bed and do something unproductive.
20. Have you ever randomly bumped into a actor/actress/or other generally famous person on the street?: I met maestro he was just standing against a pole at the embassy. I've met chino marino from the deftones at the salt lounge and I've met you too.
21. Are you more likely to read a book you've never read before if it's been made into a movie?: I'll bet im actually less likely to read it.
22. Have you discovered what podcasts are yet? Yes.
23.What is your favourite kind of food that you only get to have once a year: those marshmallow ducks at easter time. otherwise no.
24. What's that noise?: its your soul sending you messages.
25. Last dvd box set you bought?: whats a dvd?
26. Are there any musical artists that you used to like but don't anymore because their style of music changed too much?: lots. but I think I changed too much.
27. Are there any covers you think are better than the original? My cover of puff the magic dragon. Its gonna be a club track.
28. What food(s) do you go to the store for ASAP when you run out?: tofu. tea. marmalade.
29. Isn't there another appropriate response for "I love you" besides "I love you, too."?: NO YOU DONT PRICK. YOU LOVE YOUR PUZZLE PIECE IN PLACE! i mean. no, of course not.
30. Last new artist that you listened to and really liked: vashti bunyan (new to me).
31. Last new one you hated: naw. i dont like that word.
32. In which country do you wish you'd been born? ha. somewhere where its custom to make your own clothes and create your own food. typically off this continent. So, instead I try to anyways.
33. When was the last time you were scared shitless?: anxiety is a funny funny thing....ahem.
34. Do you like it when old ladies refer to you as "Dear", or "Hon", or "Sugar"?: I like it when anyone does it's just a warm feeling it creates.
35. What is your favourite physical flaw: my oversized......thighs.
36. Share a random fact about yourself: i like clean straight teeth alot. nostalgia makes me cry.
37. What's the best field trip you ever went on?: that time I tripped out in the field on mushrooms with kate. field trip.
38. Have you ever dressed up for Halloween at work?: heck yeah. i will until im dead.
39. Do you have any clothes that you pilfered or inherited from your parents?:haha. you know i love a good cheap (free) wardrobe. New is not something I wear.
40. How old is "old" to you?: you tell me what time it is and I'll show you a puzzled expression.
41. What was the last free thing you've gotten?: laid. I didn't have to pay this time.
42. What's your favourite black and white movie?: dr. strangelove
43. What color would you like to bleed?: does it matter? I have no say. if I could choose though I would bleed in paper shreds.
44. Do you know any Furries?: ? no.
45. If you have a wall calendar, what kind is it?: no. i dont
46. Have you ever been to a convention?: yup lots.
47. If you were to dress up as a musician, which one would you be?: katrina. I would play the bucket.
48. Do you have a thing about ruining new stuff by personalizing?: no. i tend to just ruin...its a bad habit. I'm trying to replace it with heroin but its not working.
49. Ever have those moments when you realize that you somehow just cheated death?: I cheat death every moment im alive. muwahaha
50. Does it boggle your mind?: no.

This will never happen again.

Katrina at 4:58 AM

I have no goals, only days.

well. Being as I will soon finish this current project I have been suffering through for the past 7 months. I thought I would take it upon myself to get into something else as I am bored as all hell with this hobbie of a career that is as enlightening as making windshield trim (thank heavens they moved to another country). I applied for school today. finally. After long hard thinking I decided that i am going to take massage therapy and at least start there ending up with a holistic healing centre of my own (oh, it will happen!!! and you're all invited). If it doesn't...at least i'll have hands of magic! If that doesn't happen...at least I can guide you into having hands of magic.
Oh, the power of touch.
I'm excited.

Katrina at 1:57 AM

2006-11-24

yupyupyupyupypuyYUPPY

Katrina at 7:10 AM

answer to the question...pink cellphone.

I'll tell you, wait
So your troubles continue to multiply and to grow in a direct result of your being misguided. Deceived. Misdirected. Or fooled. All themes are variations of the basic ego gloried wide theme in which you follow the gospel truth. .... Pursuing the wrong ideals and goals that leads you into sickness. unto.. ??.. and from this sickness sprang the belief in the one true power. (Yes.) That cure that promised to erase the symptoms that stood between you and your goal. It's seductive to hear them offer relief and comfort without disturbing the faulty system of your beliefs. Belief in the one true power. Forever and ever, one nation under... (ego self). The father, the son, and the holy... (ego self). In Jesus name. Amen. On that...
(10 seconds of silence)
Greasy filthy hand jobs in truck stop restrooms. Hot car wing? all over my, Hot car wing? I turned that into a verb. I hope you appreciate it. Car wing. Hot Carling Academy. It's the school where you go to learn how to butt fuck. It's In England. They don't have blowjobs there because they're uncircumcised and that is just disgusting. So they have to butt fuck. Which is also disgusting, because that extra foreskin traps all the germs and the poop and the butt-fucking residue. It's sin. And that's why British people have bad teeth. Amen.

Katrina at 2:23 AM

2006-11-22

aksjdfhlaksjdfhasgf

I went shopping with jaqueline today. I bought some books and two dresses. You know I don't wear dresses. Boots too. You know I don't wear boots. I mean the knee high kind. I believe most fashionistas you find either through friends or on the streets refer to them as cfmb's. If you don't know what that stands for it's come fuck me boots. Please do not utilize this acronym when you see me wearing them. The last thing I need is a walk-by-humping.
I thought it was time to join the feminine part of society. I'll let you know how it goes. Actually, both dresses sport a very cool pattern and one is paisley. I needed the boots to go with the dresses and since cold is not good for cute little shoes I thought I would invest in the boots. You can see my dilemma. Oh, and I bought neat looking socks too black and white diagonal stripes. yes. I think I'm cooler because of these socks. Someone stop the madness.
My younger sister has finally retreated to her house before I had to melt mentally. I see now that when I say 'life in moderation', as you most have heard me say, I do indeed include EVERYTHING in life. Including family. Family are the friends you never asked for. haha. I am not exaggerating. It's sounds like the problem behind it could be horrible and thats because it is. Moving on.
When I came home today my mother had put up the christmas tree. It's fibre optic. With that said it looks really nice and its sort of ambient. It's a heroin christmas this year I guess....ha!
If it were up to me I could convince her to come to the shelter with me to help with christmas dinner but she won't. She says she IS the shelter that needs help with christmas dinner. oh santa, bring me a pony.

Katrina at 8:57 PM

Su-fi

'The ordinary man repents his sins: the elect repent of their heedlessness'
dhu'l-nun misri

So, on the sufis, as I do, an excerpt from idries shahs book:

"With respect to all seekers of truth, I must say that su-fi is hard to impart. Why? because new hearers expect the unfolding system to follow their accepted pattern of thought. They do not know that this pattern is the problem. Su-fi is in you always. You feel it unknowing what it is. When you feel kindness, love, truth. Wanting to do something with your whole self, that is su-fi. You think of yourself first - that is no su-fi. You have sympathy for a worthy sage - that is su-fi... A master asks, what is su-fi? It hits the questioner. He means by this, 'Show me pain and I will show you sufi'. You say to master 'where did that light come from?' he blows out the candle. What he means by this is 'you tell me where the light has gone and I will tell you where it came from'. I cannot tell you in words what you ask for in words."
-Rumi

Im glad to be out of my mind, you should join me, if only momentarily.

'

Katrina at 6:23 PM

2006-11-21

Katrina at 5:16 PM

Perfect Strangers Intro

I was not aware of how homosexual this show was until I found this

Katrina at 8:00 AM

my pet monster

Katrina at 7:51 AM

the genius of kubrick

Katrina at 7:23 AM

Watership Down

You are motionless and moved. Read this book or see this movie.

Katrina at 7:10 AM

2006-11-20

:)

Oh, beautiful day!
Actually. I hate the look of outside. Just like I hate spring when its cold and the atmosphere is like winter but the grass is green. Maybe its just the transition I don't enjoy. Which is strange because change is my favorite thing. Now, I wish there were leaves on the trees but it was as dark as it is. I love those days. Especially in the summertime. When the sky is black and its not raining.
This makes no sense.
Oh bother, Today is a beautiful day eeyore, don't be sad.
Today is shortbread cookie day at my house. My mom is pretty stoked about it. I begged for gingerbread but she doesn't like it. Which is the saddest thing I've heard all week. No. Thats not true. I watched a few documentaries and I also talked to a few drunk people. Drunk people always say the saddest things. They also say the funniest things.
I'm happy today because Mr. Jacobs contacted me a few days ago to tell me it wasn't right to dishone him. Good thing too.
I still have some friends worth keeping and to be kept by. Sounds like a sweet deal to me.

Katrina at 7:29 AM

2006-11-19

ok, hi!

I think I have figured out why I don't sleep like I 'should'. I say should only because my sleep schedule does not coincide well with my active life. Sleeping like a normal person would surely improve fluidity of my practical life. Anywho, I wake up feeling like crap almost daily. I can't remember a morning that I woke up and felt like I was ready to go do anything. It takes getting up early to have enough coffee to move me. I have improved my bedtime habits. I do what I do and it has helped me sleep. Not when I want to but I'm working on that. I was thinking that by the time I wish I sleeping I am at my peak as far as go power goes. When I lay in bed I want to be running. I wonder if this is me wishing I had been running all day. I'd like to blame my general lag lately on my weight but I can't because I have been much further out of shape before and had more energy than ever before. I can still run around the track a few times without feeling like death is encompassing me (I proved this to myself last week, death did not ensue). So, I think now it is not a going to sleep issue( I will MAKE myself sleep early tonight, if it works I am the winner), it is a waking up issue. It is an issue of getting out of bed and GO GO GOING that way by the time I am ready for bed I will surely be able to sleep.
So, I will be likely finding ways I haven't tried to increase my energy and also improving my memory. gingko biloba? maybe. Among other things.
(may not be relevant but I am sure this has something to do with my inability to speak. I know what I want to say but can't remember how to say it or exactly what it is im remembering that I would like to say----weird?)
I used to think I was pretty busy. Now I think I've managed these things fairly well and now I have free time again. So, many things I could fill up this time with. You can do a whole lot of nothing in an hour. I want to do a whole lot of something in an hour.
ok, bye.

Katrina at 6:50 PM

...

Katrina at 6:17 PM

2006-11-17

what is santas postal code again???

Santa Claus says:
dammit
snazzy says:
santa
snazzy says:
is that a way to get girls to sit on your lap
Santa Claus says:
ha theres too many to have just one
snazzy says:
lol I understand.
Santa Claus says:
that could be because your a hohoho
Santa Claus says:
or maybe cause i know where all the naughty girls live
snazzy says:
I thought only good girls get the presents.
Santa Claus says:
who said anything about presents?
snazzy says:
touche

Katrina at 5:22 PM

a good thing

so I vowed to buy a stranger coffee today and I succeeded. I bought coffee for two people and I also sat with a man and talked with him and bought his coffee. His name was Sal and he just moved to London. I told him to escape the vortex and smiled alot. The rest of the time I was mostly all ears.
My sister who watches her children *oh so well* forgot to notice her son go into my moms room, go into her chest, take out her pill bag, open a bottle of phenobarbitol and take two. Easy thing to miss I am sure. He is fine after a few purges and hallucinations. I hope he saw something wonderful but I am sad about the purging. He's cool now I was just talking to him about it. He's really on about the triangle that was in his nose.
I am happy he's feeling fine about it, although others I am not so happy with.
I think you will always come out unscathed when you are a selfish person.

Katrina at 4:50 PM

the village of redundance.

I was walking down a trail and I stopped at the nice part of the river to look and to the left it was a steep kind of rocky hill with trees and what not. It was beautiful woods. I walked up the hill and at the top it was flat and treeless until the horizon and then it became hilly and busy with forest and to the left was what looked like a village and directly in front of me was a cabin. Then all of a sudden im back at the beginning of the trail with leah and troy (weird) and we are sporting all this hiking gear and I am walking with leah and troy now stops to look at the same place in the river so leah and I climb the hill and when we get to the top its kind of twilight and the lights in the village are on now and we both stop to admire its beauty. we both see the cabin and we go towards it. troy is somewhere...we both get into the cabin that resembles the bathrooms in springbank park and leah says she wants to make plans with me for sunday to share her pretzels. then troy shows up with about 30 people and i say 'did you remember to bring my bag' and he had brought all our stuff thats why it took him so long. then leah goes into her bag and pulls out the pretzels which are airtight sealed in this bag and says 'i only have 6 pretzels left' I guess we can't hang out on sunday. They weren't pretzels at all but only doritos unflavoured. All these people begin to party and it looks something like the party from 200 cigarettes. alot of energy and clashing colours. 80's style.

I know what this dream meant. boo.

Katrina at 8:19 AM

zen and the art of

I don't work tomorrow though which is a sweet fruit of pleasure for me to think about. I also got pizzaid! word doggy! that means I can spend my free time shopping and buying strangers coffee. I vow to buy one stranger a coffee tomorrow. Even if I just pay for the person behind me. I am looking for a particular book. I am sure I will find it. Actually two books that kind of go hand in hand. One is zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance (i believe i can find it at attic books) and also the second part which is lila both are by robert m. pirsig. I read the beginning of it at wryans house and he wouldn't let me borrow it. He was certain I had to buy both. I skimmed lila briefly in high school but my mind was in no place alongside my makeup application to even begin to absorb any of it.
I believe it is fine to switch hats. to have different dimensions of your person. provided your principles stay the same. I can be so many things to so many people. I do not flee from my foundation. I can be a mother figure to my nephews when they need it. I can be the sappy girl when my friend needs a shoulder. I can be strong willed and sturdy when someone is weak. This is not a masquerade, but more a way of adapting to situations as they arise. Becoming what is needed in a situation instead of passing the puck. I am always the same person, in that I am many people. all people. I would not say that when I am being strong for someone who is feeling weak that I am strong all the time. I need someone to put on that hat for me when I cannot find it. you are all people too.
I am feeling non-resistant

Should be a pretty great day.

Katrina at 3:07 AM

2006-11-16

poo with a view

Katrina at 5:24 AM

2006-11-15

mutant walker

'ill be okay
for another day
maybe more
maybe im at the bottom
this time'
-jen slocumb.

I love those feelings you get that place you somewhere else for a moment. Not in the past present or future. just place you somewhere in your head you've always gone but never been.

I remember when i first heard that song. I must say I remember it was dec.23.03. I saw marthas trouble live at the aquarius lounge. Chris took me. It was my christmas present. Nicest thing he ever did. He was never a friend to say or do nice things outwardly. He always expected you to read between the lines. so it was really weird. I don't see Chris ever anymore. I miss him. He'd be happy to know that I am so good at reading between the lines now. It's my fault I have to miss him. Nobodys perfect. Don't expect me to be. Also, i would like to mention that the time between that very date and now is so completely not as much time as it sounds like. 3 years and it feels like 4 months. maybe. Time isn't real. I have no idea what is anymore. I also feel like I am going to wake up tomorrow and I'll be 45 and I really don't want to feel on that morning like I do right this second.
I need some things.
I need to get rid of these feet that walk backwards.
I don't know how to do that.
I don't know how to do alot of things.

Katrina at 1:31 AM

2006-11-12

pumajaw - live in aberdeen

Katrina at 11:38 PM

thanks to strangers.

Thanks a bunch to Pete...the random passer-by that sent me an email regarding some of the bands I mentioned in an earlier post. I would also like to say Hello to anyone reading my blog. Apparently there are more people reading then I am aware of.
sweet.

Katrina at 11:33 PM

2006-11-11

on the carbon copy side of the agreement

Who doesn't want a boy with a motherboard for genitals?

call me the power source and plug it in already!!

Katrina at 5:23 AM

on a side note

I'd just like to say I am no good with words. They don't work very well with my emotions.

Katrina at 5:17 AM

game: find the point to this post.

I was thinking tonight because I had nothing else to take my mind off of myself. Which is fine because I felt like I wanted to be alone tonight anyways. The house was empty and I always like it when I am alone on a weekend. There is no rush to do anything. I am completely free to walk around naked (sorry for the mental) and sing my lungs out. I remember once I was singing on the toilet. My bathroom is beside the next apartments bathroom. Someone must have been in there and heard me singing because all i heard was a mock opera (which I wasn't singing) coming from the wall. I tried to duet with them but they weren't up for it. I wish I had a picture of that. Both sides of the wall kind of picture. Anyways, I was thinking about life again. dammit. I try not to but apparently its everywhere. who knew? regardless, its always been an inescapable topic for me(How do some people still manage to escape it??) I was thinking about all the people I've ever met. Well, at least trying to remember. I do notice that everything I have learned that I find significant was through other people. Nothing I learned in school has ever really turned me on. unless it was reading and even then I chose such bizarre things to read that they seemed to have a personality of their own. I remember when I moved to Hamilton I knew nobody, even less myself. It was quite literally an overnight move. I left my whole house to my roomie Nick and I left (he still blames me for how bored he was until anna moved in) besides a few things I felt were sentimental and some clothes. I moved in with my mothers friends daughter who I hadn't seen in years. Everything was new otherwise. The point is until I moved away from everything I had known and done and seen and bleh bleh. I had no idea how to be myself. I thought I did. I thought I was the whole time. In leaving and coming back a little less than a year later I learned such a huge amount of things. Not from having the things I gained inputted but from having the things I didn't want to learn inputted. Whats more is when I tell people stories about my life and they almost can't believe it. It forces me to look at these things and ask myself if these things have really been so terrible. We just live through things I think. I couldn't have escaped alot of whats gone on in my life. In retrospect I wouldn't want to. I think I've seen alot of people. Low and High people. watched the lows turn to highs and vice versa. My mother told me once that she was surprised I hadn't ended up dead yet because I tend to talk to everyone and i have always made friends easily. I try to make no judgements and my surroundings have been diverse. I've been into trouble and laughed about it later. I've sat on the edge of trouble crying in hysterics because of the radical differences my life would have endured if such cases and not gone in my favour. Right now, I am writing about it all and I am not laughing or crying. Im just wondering where all those people that have watched these things happen to me, and me to them, have gone. I used to use my listening skills to gain knowledge about other people so I would know their boundaries and in that I could find the perfect place to sit while that person came to me to bitch about how angry they were at the other. I knew the perfect things to say. I was the watcher. I used to be the one with a million other peoples secrets in my head. but a million of my own.
Its a big bummer when you can't talk to anyone because for so long you have watched how they work and you have been the one there for them. You get alot of time in your own head. I also feel to be a burden by sticking my own problems to someone else. I should be strong enough. I wasn't though. I was seeing too much and needed to talk to someone. so, I had called everyone back home. I tried to bring them to my place. People would say they would come and wouldn't. So, I would go to london. It was good times coming home for the weekend. The sadness kicked in when i realized I didn't care myself whether or not a few off them never called again. I had left and saw different things, places met new types of people. I was a different person because with these new surroundings I didn't have to walk on eggshells as I was so accustomed to with the people I used to know. I don't blame these people. In the end it was just time to part. Alot of it was about the fact that I could be myself because in my new atmosphere I was used to it. I didn't feel the need to change my principles to suit the people around me. Some people didn't like me anymore. 'you've changed'. I'd say no. I would say I am who I was everytime you weren't around. I put too much energy into being someone I wasn't to some. I suppose i was lucky in noticing before anyone else did. haha, sneaky sneaky red head. The good side in reference to all this is ultimately the fact that the genuine people in your life are okay with your choices. If I wanted to call those people right now at 3:44am I could do that. I could tell them all the stories they've heard a million times. I could tell them my cheesy jokes and I could make a breakfast date in 4 hours time and every one of them would show up in pajamas. I think those things are the real reason for any sort of shit storm life may throw at you. When its over, the ones who made it, can all meet at the golden griddle at 6 am with bed heads and pjs and laugh about our 'troubles'. I just want to say I learned by example alot of the time. If you tell me whats right i won't hear you. If you show me whats wrong I will see some sort of beauty to learn from. Probably why Im so drawn to people with 'issues'. Or maybe I just like to hear that someone is worse off than I am. I hope its not the latter. damn it probably is.
I know this one is a little messy. I think its just something that bothers me. Hence, the jagged edges and weirdo format and points that are irrelevant. To talk about all of it through a blog would take 12 years. Maybe we could meet at the golden griddle in our pjs though? I could tell you all that don't know about it over a stack of never-ending pancakes.

p.s. Save me if there is more than this one post about this. It means I need a wall to talk to instead of a screen.

p.p.s. this evening at the hospital lillian showed me a dance she did in vegas in the 60's. The nurse told me later that lillian never went to vegas all the while laughing at the 'crazy kook!'. my reply was 'How far do you think vegas is?'.

I long for a rorschach inkblot test.

I want to free them all.

Katrina at 3:02 AM

HELP!

espers
naing naing
kemialliset ystavat
islaja
pumajaw
fursaxa
vetiver
paavoharju
lau nau

These artists are so brutally impossible to find.
If any of you can find them or have them (doubtful).
I hope you could email me the resource.
word.
especially espers and kemialliset.
I know you guys can do it!
go team friends!
katrina.cooper@gmail.com

Katrina at 12:28 AM

2006-11-09

In good taste.

Here lies the only proof of the last time Lisa was drunk. In 20 minutes time she will finish that bottle of vodka behind her and begin her 10 minute journey upstairs to the washroom. Godspeed Lisa. Godspeed.

Katrina at 5:23 PM

drunk love

Katrina at 5:20 PM

you feel invincible, oh unfortunately...

Last night was a good night. My older sister just started dating this guy named paul. He is super complimentary of my sister. I love it. I've seen alot of new relationships and alot of the times I watch as people make themselves something they are not in order to obtain their object of desire and when the game is over and reality kicks in normally people will blame the other for there own unhappiness. I am just happy to see that my sister is comfortable and paul is comfortable (we've known him a long time) and that they can be free together. SO, since she spoils him and he spoils her we decided to make dinner because we like to do that sort of thing. paul invited shad over and her roommates were both home and one of them has a girlfriend so it was a nice little night. Huge laughs, good food, a bit of wine and lots of love in the air, all different sorts of love. I'm so happy to see there are still cheery people in the world making the best of what they have which runs so much deeper than some people ever really see. The fun. Holy heck how I love funny funny fun fun people. Anyways, Im glad last night happened. I think I needed it a bit. In fact I think we all did. I think we all do.

You know you are getting older when 4 of your friends are pregnant and 2 of them getting married. one married with a house and working on a baby. I show up at their houses with a hangover and some seemingly silly things to say and before I know it Im asked why I am not married and expecting a baby. Or in these exact words 'how long is your cat going to suffice for?' For one, I love my cat I have been friends with him since I was 5, jesse is the shit and until he's gone he will be the shit regardless of my situation. this is not the important part. the important part is what makes that person (and others) think that living with your mom and your cat and doing what you like to do is somehow not enough to be content? I dont show up at your house telling you that 3/4 of you will end up divorced and that you will blame the other and that you will resent your children because you all fell into a trap...I dont know if thats true. It may not be. I could say that though because statistics show....why do I not? because what you do is not who you are. your car is not you. your kids are not you. your practical life is not who you are. we use the tools we have in order to get what we think we need. alot of the time its only what we want.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm enjoying myself. Thats all. In any situation.

Katrina at 8:06 AM

2006-11-07

Something in my own language

on past, present and future.

How do you spread your wings while wrapped in a cellophane of flesh? It's hard to breathe when packed air tight.

I used to try. Then my muscles became sore from pushing out to no avail and my head started to question my arms why they pushed and then my head questioned my heart and when my head questions my heart i begin to doubt and then I am driven to dislike of the cellophane which lead to a pungent taste of flesh and when I no longer tasted the skin in my mouth I began to question my tongue wondered if it asked for too much so i asked for less and less and then I had nothing because I saw nothing in everything now I want everything and see nothing in sight.

Oh where is the great decipherer?

I admit my feelings were all my fault. I do not feel ashamed.

Katrina at 5:19 PM

Lately, there have been alot of songs ive listened to that I have heard probably so many times that I just kind of incorporate the song into myself when i hear it. I don't actually listen. I know the lyrics and I know the melody and I can sing it. Sometimes though, I will love a certain song so much and never know what the artist is singing about. then the day comes when I actually listen to it. This 99% of the time happens only with songs i grew up with. New songs I hear I like to really listen to but songs like this one really get pulled back up on top of the pile when they start to speak to me. This song stands out. I used to think it was a nice tune and kind of happy. Then I listened to the lyrics and it made me feel another way. I can relate to this song more than I could ever before. I think I have listened to it 5 times so far. whats more is that I believe he died 2 weeks after recording this song. strange.


Sittin' in the morning sun
I'll be sittin' when the evening comes
Watching the ships roll in
Then I watch them roll away again, yeah
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' timeI left my home in Georgia
Headed for the Frisco Bay
Cuz I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothing's gonna come my way
So, I'm just gon' sit on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' timeLooks like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, listen
Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone, listen
Two thousand miles I roam
Just to make this dock my home, now
I'm just gon' sit at the dock of a bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Katrina at 3:38 AM

grand dark feeling of emptiness

Katrina at 1:06 AM

2006-11-06

I would like to get back to a place where I was comfortable and I could see things really clearly. I remember seeing things very clearly.

Katrina at 3:22 AM

Joanna Newsom - The Sprout And The Bean

Katrina at 3:15 AM

2006-11-03

My sister and her kids have been at my house for almost 3 days now. fun fun fun!
I guess my mom had a great time with my nephew this morning while my sister was asleep. He grabbed a chair and pulled popsicles out of the freezer and pulled milk and muffins out of the fridge and he lined all of these things up on our living room coffee table with my sister oblivious and sleeping beside him. He put the popsicles in the couch beside her. lol. gotta be the red hair.
my mom woke up and i guess the first thing max said when he saw her was 'look grandma, some breakfast' so my mom woke up my sister and said 'look, lindsay, a smorgasbord for midgets' .
I found this really really funny...I guess you had to be there.

Katrina at 11:43 AM

Devendra Banhart Interview

I love devendra banhart

Katrina at 2:43 AM

2006-11-02

Little thoughts, Big dilemma. (sizing up the box)

How do you be a listener by nature and listen to someone else that likes to listen, listen for something said, but you are deep in listening and can't be bothered to talk? (ahhhh! help!!) I don't like to talk about myself. I end up feeling far too vulnerable. There are no secrets but I just won't volunteer information. This is troubling. I picture this clear box with me inside and just one arm hanging out. It reaches but if you try to help it'll smack you. If you really wanted to see I wonder why don't they just look, its a clear box for shit sake. No. Theres still those walls.
Sad really. I was reminded of this at work today. A co-worker I barely know was spilling her life story out to me. This is fine. I like it alot actually. It happens alot too. At the bus stop a woman was telling me all about her son and how old she is and how she was married once but then divorced and is a bartender by trade.....I just said hello to her son. I just feel like alot of people reach out and I have stopped reaching out. I don't know if I'm unable to trouble people around me or unwanting to trouble myself with the fear of vulnerability. It's a well balanced argument in my head. Although, it is still an argument. No matter how big or small it's placing a wall between myself and what I love so much. People.
Its amazing how much damage you can do in 22 years while wearing a blindfold.

Katrina at 4:09 AM

2006-11-01

fatboy slim - weapon of choice

Christopher Walken = hustler

Katrina at 12:51 PM

A dot of boundless energy we are.

Katrina at 1:49 AM

2006-11-30

pain

an ear infection/ache (or something) just woke me up out of a beautiful sleep to stab me in the ear...carmen is on her way, she's bringing me an anti-histamine. I didn't know I had drug connections at this time of the morning.
sweet
pointless post

Katrina at 2:02 AM

2006-11-29

the synchronicity of the long distance caller.

Is it unhealthy to want to move into the middle of nowhere and live off dirt and acid rain? Somehow I am driven to believe the acid rain would cure my ails and the dirt would remind me who I am. kind of like pooping ;) I am having a problem with the fact that I need money to survive. I realize its not exactly true. If I was broke I am positive I would not perish but I mean I would rather live under a roof. I would rather eat at my will. I would still, even though the other sounds enjoyable, like to leave my house fully clothed. If i didn't I would be fined for indecent exposure anyways and still need money to pay the damn fine. The problem is that is what it is all about with so many people and behind so many ideas. I received a call from bell today (which is crazy weird because of other aspects) they were trying to sell me a long distance package. I already have one. 'well, you are not receiving our newest and most valued package, your package is out dated'. So! I shop at friggin' value village I am not so much worried about how outdated my things are. Not to mention the package he wanted me to buy was in fact 3 dollars more and I was to inherit 500 more long distance minutes a month that I would not use. I will admit he was good though. His rebuttals were excellent and he really did make me feel obligated. I perservered and came out unscathed. The point though is that he wants that sale so badly he is willing to convince me that I am not getting ripped off when indeed I will end up with less money in order for himself to make commission. With that said, I choose to fight him because I want my money to stay where it is.
It just reminds me of how greedy we are. especially when people are calling my house to ask for my money. He might as well asked to borrow 50 dollars. I would have been more likely to give in.
Do you understand? He wants my money and keeps pushing for it and I want my money and keep pushing away from his sale.
Christ.
I dont know where the line of demarcation is...give me a sign.
If he really wants my money so badly next time he calls I am going to have my paycheques directly deposited into his bank account and tell him to make me dinner I'm coming over and its the least he can do.
I hate money.

Katrina at 8:05 PM

hot news!!

Leah called me just now and she said exactly this:

'long boring flight was a polar opposite prelude to utter beauty, you would love it, love you, bye'

apparently shes on a budget. I'm happy she made it.

Katrina at 6:21 PM

Funny

Katrina at 7:42 AM

My stupid boyfriend wants a blowjob

this was funny on so many levels.

Katrina at 7:34 AM

2006-11-27

I felt like a poem today. careful its a little edgy.

colors and identities bleeding together
moments unwind into time
and dies in the throats of unspoken dreams
the flow of which I find
myself swallowing everything I ever sworn not to
cursing as I tore down the curtains that blind
revealing the grey tones of winter
and the battles unwon
and unheard sounds reverberate
off the insides of my mind

Katrina at 7:12 PM

leahs got seoul.

Some of you know her. What you don't know (because she is sneaky sneaky) is shes leaving for seoul, south korea at 2am for 3 years. Somehow it doesn't seem fair that we were such good friends in high school maintained that while she was at brock and the past 7 months since she came home was far too short before she is leaving again. I am kinda wishing I had taken tesol with you this summer (ack! i know i know). I will miss you like the desert missed the rain? she is going to do all the things she loves. Explore, Learn, Teach and Change. Growth.
I'm seriously going to miss her. Please don't be old when you come back. Stay young, it's what we know best. Love it double for us.

'it'll be filled with hot pockets and balogna when I get there'

Katrina at 5:55 PM

Happy Birthday Someone! (who are you?)

I realize a free trade society probably won't work, for various bullshit reasons. Today I am really pushing for it. Since that will likely go nowhere I am creating MONDAY MORNING MOTIVATION. I am only expecting this to work for me since I'm not really the type to move people as I am mostly moved myself but who knows (who cares?). I will only say if you don't do it on monday it will still be there tuesday. This bugs me but anways...I watched a good movie just now called lovely and amazing. A chick flick. Now I don't normally love chick flicks just because I find them mostly unrealistic and dramatic but this one was good. It worked with really down to earth and brutally honest situations and I love how it worked because it was much like my everyday life. That being that things work completely backwards most of the time. You can't plan for much. So they(I) don't and it comes out backwards from what the watcher would expect to happen anyways. This is everyday life for me and I really liked that movie.
Back to MONDAY MORNING MOTIVATION (i want that to be said by the big boy furniture guy). I am taking the rest of the bag of candy canes that I gave out to the kids at the parade on route to work with me this morning. I will try to get rid of all of them. Shouldn't be too hard once you reguarly take the same route 5 times a week you tend to see the same faces...they soon become friendly faces. I am hoping it will improve everyones day including my own. This is not always the case. Some people forget. meh. At least I wont have a huge bag of candy canes staring at me all day. They become addictive. I'm craving one right now....
Also, I hope to see no fault today. Even in the obviously faulty. It would only be obviously faulty to my standards and this is not right. Although, If I do not reach this seemingly perfect plateau of thoughtlessness that is fine because it's perfect anyway it comes. Today is yours my friends. Do with it what you will. Smile once more than you would think to and be a little more like yourself than you were yesterday. If you think you were exactly yourself yesterday then do something you haven't done yet and would like to.
I personally am making breakfast for my family before I go. They will eat it all I'm sure.
Good day to you.

Katrina at 5:59 AM

Love Corner

this made me laugh

Katrina at 1:18 AM

2006-11-26

sleep, touching and crushes(??)

So, I took the advice of a friend. I bought the 3mg melatonin strips (thats not alot?) and I took the melatonin and I slept. FOR 24 DAMN HOURS. yes, I fell asleep after being up for 31 hours and continued to sleep until 10:30.There is something wrong with that picture. I can't get that day back friend....jeez. He didn't warn me that I would lose whole pages of existence in the process.
Although, he said if it works then I am low on melatonin....I don't think that can be operated on...(ha)Still, I think I will give away these strips for free to small hyperactive children. haha, no I won't but I won't be using them again. I think I'd rather go a more natural route like staring at the celing.
I was also having a conversation with someone on the art of touch. Normally, we are afraid of touch(well not us, but alot of people). We personally refrain from touching people because we are unsure of their boundaries(we don't have many). I personally have no qualms about being touched, in a warming sense, I would rather a hand on me somewhere (ok, not there, money up front baby!). Even when I am talking to someone on the street and they are speaking of irrelevant things and when I walk away they touch my shoulder or something I don't mind. I like it even. I think its kind of sad that we all can't sit on each other in a tiny room crammed with 50 people(without the ecstacy...If you've been in a room like that with ecstacy then you know what I am saying) and not assume its sexual harrasment, or that cheating bastard or you make me uncomfortable. The only thing that really makes me uncomfortable is when YOU are uncomfortable. Which is why I don't cuddle with random people at the bus stops and in libraries, at work, in the grocery store frozen food aisle (it's cold in there) etc.etc.
I still haven't asked the man at the friendly neighbourhood convenient store his name. I don't think I care enough. He always keeps me for 15 mins-ish telling me the funniest stories but yesterday was awesome because he gave me 7 long long clippings from this beautiful purple plant he has in the store (we were on the topic of plants). I should take him some clippings of my plants after I pot them for him. I will do this for sure. It's only fair.
Although I slept the day away. And I did miss my reruns of cosby show and the DOC of the week but thats ok because they will be on again sometime around 3am and 4am.
I am sure that day was a good day. I've only been begging for sleep for a decade now.
Just deserts. I shouldn't complain.

...on a side note this song makes me smile...

I've gotta big big big big heart beat, yeah
I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I've been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start our own peculiar ways
with good and friendly homes
You get me freaked freaked freaked on preakness
Never met a girl that likes to drink with horses
Knows her Chinese ballet
Must admit you smell like fruity nuts and good grains
When you show my purple gaze
A thing or two at night
Make me sick sick sick to kiss you
and I think that I woud vomit
But I'll do that on mondays I dont have to work anyways
I like it when I bump you an accident's a truth gate
I'm humbled in your pretty lense
I'll hold you dont you go
Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative, I know....
Well I'd like to spread your perfume around the old apartment
Could we live together and agree on the same wares?
A trapeze is a bird cage even if its empty and definitely fits the room
And we would too
And my dear dear dear khalana
I talk too much about you
Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through
Lets just talk together
You and me and me and you
And if there's nothing much to say
Well, silence is a bore
I've gotta big big big big heart beat,
yeah I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I've been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start our own peculiar ways
With good and friendly homes
Sometimes you're quiet, and sometimes I'm quiet, hallelujah
Sometimes I'm talkative, and sometimes you're not talkative, i know....
Sometimes you hear me when others they can't hear me. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I'm naked and thank god sometimes you're naked.
Well, hello..... Can I tell you that you are the purple in me?
Can I call you just to hear you, would you care?
When I saw you put your purple finger on me
There's a feelin' in your bottle
Found your bottle, found your heart
Gives a feeling from your bottled little part
Got a crush high
Thought I crushed all I could
Crushed all I can then I touched your hand
Crush high Dont want it to stop
'Cause stories of your brother make my crush high pop
And you couldn't really know, cause it's in my toes
And sometimes I wonder where that crush high go
Crush high then I go and take some pills
Cause I can't do all of my dos and still feel ill
-animal collective/the purple bottle

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye goodnight.

Katrina at 10:26 PM

2006-11-25

friends ask for the darnest things...

Current Music: deftones - cherry waves

1. So, what did you do all day?: Went to work late. went to see the lights in vic park with iyanna after work. had a coffee with iyanna. had supper with iyanna. got drunk with iyanna and her girlfriend and her sister and came home to iyanna sending me this damn survey :)
2. What is the most expensive thing you've bought recently? my education...which was today..although i haven't paid yet I don't look forward to it.
3. Last concert (or show) you attended: marthas trouble in hamilton
4. Coolest thing you've gotten in the mail lately: A bill. Woo!
5. Describe your favourite article of clothing: It would be my satin paisley pajamas.
6. Last video game played: virtual golf on the wii that shit is addicting.
7. How many CDs do you have by any ONE artist or group? Oh shit. maybe you don't understand the amount of music I own. I would have to go with NIN. I have all the halos.
8. What's for dinner?: we had cordon bleu. that was yesterday though.
9. Do you have any collections?: I have a book collection and I collect paisley things.
10. What was the last board game you played?: snakes and ladders! but with shot glasses.
11. Who won?: everyone loses when the liver is the winner?
12. Do you subscribe to any magazines? yourmomonline.com
13. Last movie you saw at a theatre: nuclear evolution at the museum...does that count?
14. Last movie you watched at home: a documentary on the woe of tanzania..i dont remember the name.
15. Do you have any special traditions only you or your family does? Traditionally, jackie will call me at 5am on any given holiday (even civic) and exclaim 'MERRY FUCKIN __(ex: civic day)_MAN'. She will then insist on having a coffee and a conversation. The greatest tradition ever.
16. What was the last thing you created: On tues i made a bad picture from oil pastels. :)
17. Are you reading any books right now?: Lila by robert pirsig.
18. Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?: Where do the wild geese go? by someone but the art was amazing.
19. What do you do when you can't fall asleep?: Stare at the ceiling. or meditate mostly get out of bed and do something unproductive.
20. Have you ever randomly bumped into a actor/actress/or other generally famous person on the street?: I met maestro he was just standing against a pole at the embassy. I've met chino marino from the deftones at the salt lounge and I've met you too.
21. Are you more likely to read a book you've never read before if it's been made into a movie?: I'll bet im actually less likely to read it.
22. Have you discovered what podcasts are yet? Yes.
23.What is your favourite kind of food that you only get to have once a year: those marshmallow ducks at easter time. otherwise no.
24. What's that noise?: its your soul sending you messages.
25. Last dvd box set you bought?: whats a dvd?
26. Are there any musical artists that you used to like but don't anymore because their style of music changed too much?: lots. but I think I changed too much.
27. Are there any covers you think are better than the original? My cover of puff the magic dragon. Its gonna be a club track.
28. What food(s) do you go to the store for ASAP when you run out?: tofu. tea. marmalade.
29. Isn't there another appropriate response for "I love you" besides "I love you, too."?: NO YOU DONT PRICK. YOU LOVE YOUR PUZZLE PIECE IN PLACE! i mean. no, of course not.
30. Last new artist that you listened to and really liked: vashti bunyan (new to me).
31. Last new one you hated: naw. i dont like that word.
32. In which country do you wish you'd been born? ha. somewhere where its custom to make your own clothes and create your own food. typically off this continent. So, instead I try to anyways.
33. When was the last time you were scared shitless?: anxiety is a funny funny thing....ahem.
34. Do you like it when old ladies refer to you as "Dear", or "Hon", or "Sugar"?: I like it when anyone does it's just a warm feeling it creates.
35. What is your favourite physical flaw: my oversized......thighs.
36. Share a random fact about yourself: i like clean straight teeth alot. nostalgia makes me cry.
37. What's the best field trip you ever went on?: that time I tripped out in the field on mushrooms with kate. field trip.
38. Have you ever dressed up for Halloween at work?: heck yeah. i will until im dead.
39. Do you have any clothes that you pilfered or inherited from your parents?:haha. you know i love a good cheap (free) wardrobe. New is not something I wear.
40. How old is "old" to you?: you tell me what time it is and I'll show you a puzzled expression.
41. What was the last free thing you've gotten?: laid. I didn't have to pay this time.
42. What's your favourite black and white movie?: dr. strangelove
43. What color would you like to bleed?: does it matter? I have no say. if I could choose though I would bleed in paper shreds.
44. Do you know any Furries?: ? no.
45. If you have a wall calendar, what kind is it?: no. i dont
46. Have you ever been to a convention?: yup lots.
47. If you were to dress up as a musician, which one would you be?: katrina. I would play the bucket.
48. Do you have a thing about ruining new stuff by personalizing?: no. i tend to just ruin...its a bad habit. I'm trying to replace it with heroin but its not working.
49. Ever have those moments when you realize that you somehow just cheated death?: I cheat death every moment im alive. muwahaha
50. Does it boggle your mind?: no.

This will never happen again.

Katrina at 4:58 AM

I have no goals, only days.

well. Being as I will soon finish this current project I have been suffering through for the past 7 months. I thought I would take it upon myself to get into something else as I am bored as all hell with this hobbie of a career that is as enlightening as making windshield trim (thank heavens they moved to another country). I applied for school today. finally. After long hard thinking I decided that i am going to take massage therapy and at least start there ending up with a holistic healing centre of my own (oh, it will happen!!! and you're all invited). If it doesn't...at least i'll have hands of magic! If that doesn't happen...at least I can guide you into having hands of magic.
Oh, the power of touch.
I'm excited.

Katrina at 1:57 AM

2006-11-24

yupyupyupyupypuyYUPPY

Katrina at 7:10 AM

answer to the question...pink cellphone.

I'll tell you, wait
So your troubles continue to multiply and to grow in a direct result of your being misguided. Deceived. Misdirected. Or fooled. All themes are variations of the basic ego gloried wide theme in which you follow the gospel truth. .... Pursuing the wrong ideals and goals that leads you into sickness. unto.. ??.. and from this sickness sprang the belief in the one true power. (Yes.) That cure that promised to erase the symptoms that stood between you and your goal. It's seductive to hear them offer relief and comfort without disturbing the faulty system of your beliefs. Belief in the one true power. Forever and ever, one nation under... (ego self). The father, the son, and the holy... (ego self). In Jesus name. Amen. On that...
(10 seconds of silence)
Greasy filthy hand jobs in truck stop restrooms. Hot car wing? all over my, Hot car wing? I turned that into a verb. I hope you appreciate it. Car wing. Hot Carling Academy. It's the school where you go to learn how to butt fuck. It's In England. They don't have blowjobs there because they're uncircumcised and that is just disgusting. So they have to butt fuck. Which is also disgusting, because that extra foreskin traps all the germs and the poop and the butt-fucking residue. It's sin. And that's why British people have bad teeth. Amen.

Katrina at 2:23 AM

2006-11-22

aksjdfhlaksjdfhasgf

I went shopping with jaqueline today. I bought some books and two dresses. You know I don't wear dresses. Boots too. You know I don't wear boots. I mean the knee high kind. I believe most fashionistas you find either through friends or on the streets refer to them as cfmb's. If you don't know what that stands for it's come fuck me boots. Please do not utilize this acronym when you see me wearing them. The last thing I need is a walk-by-humping.
I thought it was time to join the feminine part of society. I'll let you know how it goes. Actually, both dresses sport a very cool pattern and one is paisley. I needed the boots to go with the dresses and since cold is not good for cute little shoes I thought I would invest in the boots. You can see my dilemma. Oh, and I bought neat looking socks too black and white diagonal stripes. yes. I think I'm cooler because of these socks. Someone stop the madness.
My younger sister has finally retreated to her house before I had to melt mentally. I see now that when I say 'life in moderation', as you most have heard me say, I do indeed include EVERYTHING in life. Including family. Family are the friends you never asked for. haha. I am not exaggerating. It's sounds like the problem behind it could be horrible and thats because it is. Moving on.
When I came home today my mother had put up the christmas tree. It's fibre optic. With that said it looks really nice and its sort of ambient. It's a heroin christmas this year I guess....ha!
If it were up to me I could convince her to come to the shelter with me to help with christmas dinner but she won't. She says she IS the shelter that needs help with christmas dinner. oh santa, bring me a pony.

Katrina at 8:57 PM

Su-fi

'The ordinary man repents his sins: the elect repent of their heedlessness'
dhu'l-nun misri

So, on the sufis, as I do, an excerpt from idries shahs book:

"With respect to all seekers of truth, I must say that su-fi is hard to impart. Why? because new hearers expect the unfolding system to follow their accepted pattern of thought. They do not know that this pattern is the problem. Su-fi is in you always. You feel it unknowing what it is. When you feel kindness, love, truth. Wanting to do something with your whole self, that is su-fi. You think of yourself first - that is no su-fi. You have sympathy for a worthy sage - that is su-fi... A master asks, what is su-fi? It hits the questioner. He means by this, 'Show me pain and I will show you sufi'. You say to master 'where did that light come from?' he blows out the candle. What he means by this is 'you tell me where the light has gone and I will tell you where it came from'. I cannot tell you in words what you ask for in words."
-Rumi

Im glad to be out of my mind, you should join me, if only momentarily.

'

Katrina at 6:23 PM

2006-11-21

Katrina at 5:16 PM

Perfect Strangers Intro

I was not aware of how homosexual this show was until I found this

Katrina at 8:00 AM

my pet monster

Katrina at 7:51 AM

the genius of kubrick

Katrina at 7:23 AM

Watership Down

You are motionless and moved. Read this book or see this movie.

Katrina at 7:10 AM

2006-11-20

:)

Oh, beautiful day!
Actually. I hate the look of outside. Just like I hate spring when its cold and the atmosphere is like winter but the grass is green. Maybe its just the transition I don't enjoy. Which is strange because change is my favorite thing. Now, I wish there were leaves on the trees but it was as dark as it is. I love those days. Especially in the summertime. When the sky is black and its not raining.
This makes no sense.
Oh bother, Today is a beautiful day eeyore, don't be sad.
Today is shortbread cookie day at my house. My mom is pretty stoked about it. I begged for gingerbread but she doesn't like it. Which is the saddest thing I've heard all week. No. Thats not true. I watched a few documentaries and I also talked to a few drunk people. Drunk people always say the saddest things. They also say the funniest things.
I'm happy today because Mr. Jacobs contacted me a few days ago to tell me it wasn't right to dishone him. Good thing too.
I still have some friends worth keeping and to be kept by. Sounds like a sweet deal to me.

Katrina at 7:29 AM

2006-11-19

ok, hi!

I think I have figured out why I don't sleep like I 'should'. I say should only because my sleep schedule does not coincide well with my active life. Sleeping like a normal person would surely improve fluidity of my practical life. Anywho, I wake up feeling like crap almost daily. I can't remember a morning that I woke up and felt like I was ready to go do anything. It takes getting up early to have enough coffee to move me. I have improved my bedtime habits. I do what I do and it has helped me sleep. Not when I want to but I'm working on that. I was thinking that by the time I wish I sleeping I am at my peak as far as go power goes. When I lay in bed I want to be running. I wonder if this is me wishing I had been running all day. I'd like to blame my general lag lately on my weight but I can't because I have been much further out of shape before and had more energy than ever before. I can still run around the track a few times without feeling like death is encompassing me (I proved this to myself last week, death did not ensue). So, I think now it is not a going to sleep issue( I will MAKE myself sleep early tonight, if it works I am the winner), it is a waking up issue. It is an issue of getting out of bed and GO GO GOING that way by the time I am ready for bed I will surely be able to sleep.
So, I will be likely finding ways I haven't tried to increase my energy and also improving my memory. gingko biloba? maybe. Among other things.
(may not be relevant but I am sure this has something to do with my inability to speak. I know what I want to say but can't remember how to say it or exactly what it is im remembering that I would like to say----weird?)
I used to think I was pretty busy. Now I think I've managed these things fairly well and now I have free time again. So, many things I could fill up this time with. You can do a whole lot of nothing in an hour. I want to do a whole lot of something in an hour.
ok, bye.

Katrina at 6:50 PM

...

Katrina at 6:17 PM

2006-11-17

what is santas postal code again???

Santa Claus says:
dammit
snazzy says:
santa
snazzy says:
is that a way to get girls to sit on your lap
Santa Claus says:
ha theres too many to have just one
snazzy says:
lol I understand.
Santa Claus says:
that could be because your a hohoho
Santa Claus says:
or maybe cause i know where all the naughty girls live
snazzy says:
I thought only good girls get the presents.
Santa Claus says:
who said anything about presents?
snazzy says:
touche

Katrina at 5:22 PM

a good thing

so I vowed to buy a stranger coffee today and I succeeded. I bought coffee for two people and I also sat with a man and talked with him and bought his coffee. His name was Sal and he just moved to London. I told him to escape the vortex and smiled alot. The rest of the time I was mostly all ears.
My sister who watches her children *oh so well* forgot to notice her son go into my moms room, go into her chest, take out her pill bag, open a bottle of phenobarbitol and take two. Easy thing to miss I am sure. He is fine after a few purges and hallucinations. I hope he saw something wonderful but I am sad about the purging. He's cool now I was just talking to him about it. He's really on about the triangle that was in his nose.
I am happy he's feeling fine about it, although others I am not so happy with.
I think you will always come out unscathed when you are a selfish person.

Katrina at 4:50 PM

the village of redundance.

I was walking down a trail and I stopped at the nice part of the river to look and to the left it was a steep kind of rocky hill with trees and what not. It was beautiful woods. I walked up the hill and at the top it was flat and treeless until the horizon and then it became hilly and busy with forest and to the left was what looked like a village and directly in front of me was a cabin. Then all of a sudden im back at the beginning of the trail with leah and troy (weird) and we are sporting all this hiking gear and I am walking with leah and troy now stops to look at the same place in the river so leah and I climb the hill and when we get to the top its kind of twilight and the lights in the village are on now and we both stop to admire its beauty. we both see the cabin and we go towards it. troy is somewhere...we both get into the cabin that resembles the bathrooms in springbank park and leah says she wants to make plans with me for sunday to share her pretzels. then troy shows up with about 30 people and i say 'did you remember to bring my bag' and he had brought all our stuff thats why it took him so long. then leah goes into her bag and pulls out the pretzels which are airtight sealed in this bag and says 'i only have 6 pretzels left' I guess we can't hang out on sunday. They weren't pretzels at all but only doritos unflavoured. All these people begin to party and it looks something like the party from 200 cigarettes. alot of energy and clashing colours. 80's style.

I know what this dream meant. boo.

Katrina at 8:19 AM

zen and the art of

I don't work tomorrow though which is a sweet fruit of pleasure for me to think about. I also got pizzaid! word doggy! that means I can spend my free time shopping and buying strangers coffee. I vow to buy one stranger a coffee tomorrow. Even if I just pay for the person behind me. I am looking for a particular book. I am sure I will find it. Actually two books that kind of go hand in hand. One is zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance (i believe i can find it at attic books) and also the second part which is lila both are by robert m. pirsig. I read the beginning of it at wryans house and he wouldn't let me borrow it. He was certain I had to buy both. I skimmed lila briefly in high school but my mind was in no place alongside my makeup application to even begin to absorb any of it.
I believe it is fine to switch hats. to have different dimensions of your person. provided your principles stay the same. I can be so many things to so many people. I do not flee from my foundation. I can be a mother figure to my nephews when they need it. I can be the sappy girl when my friend needs a shoulder. I can be strong willed and sturdy when someone is weak. This is not a masquerade, but more a way of adapting to situations as they arise. Becoming what is needed in a situation instead of passing the puck. I am always the same person, in that I am many people. all people. I would not say that when I am being strong for someone who is feeling weak that I am strong all the time. I need someone to put on that hat for me when I cannot find it. you are all people too.
I am feeling non-resistant

Should be a pretty great day.

Katrina at 3:07 AM

2006-11-16

poo with a view

Katrina at 5:24 AM

2006-11-15

mutant walker

'ill be okay
for another day
maybe more
maybe im at the bottom
this time'
-jen slocumb.

I love those feelings you get that place you somewhere else for a moment. Not in the past present or future. just place you somewhere in your head you've always gone but never been.

I remember when i first heard that song. I must say I remember it was dec.23.03. I saw marthas trouble live at the aquarius lounge. Chris took me. It was my christmas present. Nicest thing he ever did. He was never a friend to say or do nice things outwardly. He always expected you to read between the lines. so it was really weird. I don't see Chris ever anymore. I miss him. He'd be happy to know that I am so good at reading between the lines now. It's my fault I have to miss him. Nobodys perfect. Don't expect me to be. Also, i would like to mention that the time between that very date and now is so completely not as much time as it sounds like. 3 years and it feels like 4 months. maybe. Time isn't real. I have no idea what is anymore. I also feel like I am going to wake up tomorrow and I'll be 45 and I really don't want to feel on that morning like I do right this second.
I need some things.
I need to get rid of these feet that walk backwards.
I don't know how to do that.
I don't know how to do alot of things.

Katrina at 1:31 AM

2006-11-12

pumajaw - live in aberdeen

Katrina at 11:38 PM

thanks to strangers.

Thanks a bunch to Pete...the random passer-by that sent me an email regarding some of the bands I mentioned in an earlier post. I would also like to say Hello to anyone reading my blog. Apparently there are more people reading then I am aware of.
sweet.

Katrina at 11:33 PM

2006-11-11

on the carbon copy side of the agreement

Who doesn't want a boy with a motherboard for genitals?

call me the power source and plug it in already!!

Katrina at 5:23 AM

on a side note

I'd just like to say I am no good with words. They don't work very well with my emotions.

Katrina at 5:17 AM

game: find the point to this post.

I was thinking tonight because I had nothing else to take my mind off of myself. Which is fine because I felt like I wanted to be alone tonight anyways. The house was empty and I always like it when I am alone on a weekend. There is no rush to do anything. I am completely free to walk around naked (sorry for the mental) and sing my lungs out. I remember once I was singing on the toilet. My bathroom is beside the next apartments bathroom. Someone must have been in there and heard me singing because all i heard was a mock opera (which I wasn't singing) coming from the wall. I tried to duet with them but they weren't up for it. I wish I had a picture of that. Both sides of the wall kind of picture. Anyways, I was thinking about life again. dammit. I try not to but apparently its everywhere. who knew? regardless, its always been an inescapable topic for me(How do some people still manage to escape it??) I was thinking about all the people I've ever met. Well, at least trying to remember. I do notice that everything I have learned that I find significant was through other people. Nothing I learned in school has ever really turned me on. unless it was reading and even then I chose such bizarre things to read that they seemed to have a personality of their own. I remember when I moved to Hamilton I knew nobody, even less myself. It was quite literally an overnight move. I left my whole house to my roomie Nick and I left (he still blames me for how bored he was until anna moved in) besides a few things I felt were sentimental and some clothes. I moved in with my mothers friends daughter who I hadn't seen in years. Everything was new otherwise. The point is until I moved away from everything I had known and done and seen and bleh bleh. I had no idea how to be myself. I thought I did. I thought I was the whole time. In leaving and coming back a little less than a year later I learned such a huge amount of things. Not from having the things I gained inputted but from having the things I didn't want to learn inputted. Whats more is when I tell people stories about my life and they almost can't believe it. It forces me to look at these things and ask myself if these things have really been so terrible. We just live through things I think. I couldn't have escaped alot of whats gone on in my life. In retrospect I wouldn't want to. I think I've seen alot of people. Low and High people. watched the lows turn to highs and vice versa. My mother told me once that she was surprised I hadn't ended up dead yet because I tend to talk to everyone and i have always made friends easily. I try to make no judgements and my surroundings have been diverse. I've been into trouble and laughed about it later. I've sat on the edge of trouble crying in hysterics because of the radical differences my life would have endured if such cases and not gone in my favour. Right now, I am writing about it all and I am not laughing or crying. Im just wondering where all those people that have watched these things happen to me, and me to them, have gone. I used to use my listening skills to gain knowledge about other people so I would know their boundaries and in that I could find the perfect place to sit while that person came to me to bitch about how angry they were at the other. I knew the perfect things to say. I was the watcher. I used to be the one with a million other peoples secrets in my head. but a million of my own.
Its a big bummer when you can't talk to anyone because for so long you have watched how they work and you have been the one there for them. You get alot of time in your own head. I also feel to be a burden by sticking my own problems to someone else. I should be strong enough. I wasn't though. I was seeing too much and needed to talk to someone. so, I had called everyone back home. I tried to bring them to my place. People would say they would come and wouldn't. So, I would go to london. It was good times coming home for the weekend. The sadness kicked in when i realized I didn't care myself whether or not a few off them never called again. I had left and saw different things, places met new types of people. I was a different person because with these new surroundings I didn't have to walk on eggshells as I was so accustomed to with the people I used to know. I don't blame these people. In the end it was just time to part. Alot of it was about the fact that I could be myself because in my new atmosphere I was used to it. I didn't feel the need to change my principles to suit the people around me. Some people didn't like me anymore. 'you've changed'. I'd say no. I would say I am who I was everytime you weren't around. I put too much energy into being someone I wasn't to some. I suppose i was lucky in noticing before anyone else did. haha, sneaky sneaky red head. The good side in reference to all this is ultimately the fact that the genuine people in your life are okay with your choices. If I wanted to call those people right now at 3:44am I could do that. I could tell them all the stories they've heard a million times. I could tell them my cheesy jokes and I could make a breakfast date in 4 hours time and every one of them would show up in pajamas. I think those things are the real reason for any sort of shit storm life may throw at you. When its over, the ones who made it, can all meet at the golden griddle at 6 am with bed heads and pjs and laugh about our 'troubles'. I just want to say I learned by example alot of the time. If you tell me whats right i won't hear you. If you show me whats wrong I will see some sort of beauty to learn from. Probably why Im so drawn to people with 'issues'. Or maybe I just like to hear that someone is worse off than I am. I hope its not the latter. damn it probably is.
I know this one is a little messy. I think its just something that bothers me. Hence, the jagged edges and weirdo format and points that are irrelevant. To talk about all of it through a blog would take 12 years. Maybe we could meet at the golden griddle in our pjs though? I could tell you all that don't know about it over a stack of never-ending pancakes.

p.s. Save me if there is more than this one post about this. It means I need a wall to talk to instead of a screen.

p.p.s. this evening at the hospital lillian showed me a dance she did in vegas in the 60's. The nurse told me later that lillian never went to vegas all the while laughing at the 'crazy kook!'. my reply was 'How far do you think vegas is?'.

I long for a rorschach inkblot test.

I want to free them all.

Katrina at 3:02 AM

HELP!

espers
naing naing
kemialliset ystavat
islaja
pumajaw
fursaxa
vetiver
paavoharju
lau nau

These artists are so brutally impossible to find.
If any of you can find them or have them (doubtful).
I hope you could email me the resource.
word.
especially espers and kemialliset.
I know you guys can do it!
go team friends!
katrina.cooper@gmail.com

Katrina at 12:28 AM

2006-11-09

In good taste.

Here lies the only proof of the last time Lisa was drunk. In 20 minutes time she will finish that bottle of vodka behind her and begin her 10 minute journey upstairs to the washroom. Godspeed Lisa. Godspeed.

Katrina at 5:23 PM

drunk love

Katrina at 5:20 PM

you feel invincible, oh unfortunately...

Last night was a good night. My older sister just started dating this guy named paul. He is super complimentary of my sister. I love it. I've seen alot of new relationships and alot of the times I watch as people make themselves something they are not in order to obtain their object of desire and when the game is over and reality kicks in normally people will blame the other for there own unhappiness. I am just happy to see that my sister is comfortable and paul is comfortable (we've known him a long time) and that they can be free together. SO, since she spoils him and he spoils her we decided to make dinner because we like to do that sort of thing. paul invited shad over and her roommates were both home and one of them has a girlfriend so it was a nice little night. Huge laughs, good food, a bit of wine and lots of love in the air, all different sorts of love. I'm so happy to see there are still cheery people in the world making the best of what they have which runs so much deeper than some people ever really see. The fun. Holy heck how I love funny funny fun fun people. Anyways, Im glad last night happened. I think I needed it a bit. In fact I think we all did. I think we all do.

You know you are getting older when 4 of your friends are pregnant and 2 of them getting married. one married with a house and working on a baby. I show up at their houses with a hangover and some seemingly silly things to say and before I know it Im asked why I am not married and expecting a baby. Or in these exact words 'how long is your cat going to suffice for?' For one, I love my cat I have been friends with him since I was 5, jesse is the shit and until he's gone he will be the shit regardless of my situation. this is not the important part. the important part is what makes that person (and others) think that living with your mom and your cat and doing what you like to do is somehow not enough to be content? I dont show up at your house telling you that 3/4 of you will end up divorced and that you will blame the other and that you will resent your children because you all fell into a trap...I dont know if thats true. It may not be. I could say that though because statistics show....why do I not? because what you do is not who you are. your car is not you. your kids are not you. your practical life is not who you are. we use the tools we have in order to get what we think we need. alot of the time its only what we want.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm enjoying myself. Thats all. In any situation.

Katrina at 8:06 AM

2006-11-07

Something in my own language

on past, present and future.

How do you spread your wings while wrapped in a cellophane of flesh? It's hard to breathe when packed air tight.

I used to try. Then my muscles became sore from pushing out to no avail and my head started to question my arms why they pushed and then my head questioned my heart and when my head questions my heart i begin to doubt and then I am driven to dislike of the cellophane which lead to a pungent taste of flesh and when I no longer tasted the skin in my mouth I began to question my tongue wondered if it asked for too much so i asked for less and less and then I had nothing because I saw nothing in everything now I want everything and see nothing in sight.

Oh where is the great decipherer?

I admit my feelings were all my fault. I do not feel ashamed.

Katrina at 5:19 PM

Lately, there have been alot of songs ive listened to that I have heard probably so many times that I just kind of incorporate the song into myself when i hear it. I don't actually listen. I know the lyrics and I know the melody and I can sing it. Sometimes though, I will love a certain song so much and never know what the artist is singing about. then the day comes when I actually listen to it. This 99% of the time happens only with songs i grew up with. New songs I hear I like to really listen to but songs like this one really get pulled back up on top of the pile when they start to speak to me. This song stands out. I used to think it was a nice tune and kind of happy. Then I listened to the lyrics and it made me feel another way. I can relate to this song more than I could ever before. I think I have listened to it 5 times so far. whats more is that I believe he died 2 weeks after recording this song. strange.


Sittin' in the morning sun
I'll be sittin' when the evening comes
Watching the ships roll in
Then I watch them roll away again, yeah
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' timeI left my home in Georgia
Headed for the Frisco Bay
Cuz I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothing's gonna come my way
So, I'm just gon' sit on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' timeLooks like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, listen
Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone, listen
Two thousand miles I roam
Just to make this dock my home, now
I'm just gon' sit at the dock of a bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Katrina at 3:38 AM

grand dark feeling of emptiness

Katrina at 1:06 AM

2006-11-06

I would like to get back to a place where I was comfortable and I could see things really clearly. I remember seeing things very clearly.

Katrina at 3:22 AM

Joanna Newsom - The Sprout And The Bean

Katrina at 3:15 AM

2006-11-03

My sister and her kids have been at my house for almost 3 days now. fun fun fun!
I guess my mom had a great time with my nephew this morning while my sister was asleep. He grabbed a chair and pulled popsicles out of the freezer and pulled milk and muffins out of the fridge and he lined all of these things up on our living room coffee table with my sister oblivious and sleeping beside him. He put the popsicles in the couch beside her. lol. gotta be the red hair.
my mom woke up and i guess the first thing max said when he saw her was 'look grandma, some breakfast' so my mom woke up my sister and said 'look, lindsay, a smorgasbord for midgets' .
I found this really really funny...I guess you had to be there.

Katrina at 11:43 AM

Devendra Banhart Interview

I love devendra banhart

Katrina at 2:43 AM

2006-11-02

Little thoughts, Big dilemma. (sizing up the box)

How do you be a listener by nature and listen to someone else that likes to listen, listen for something said, but you are deep in listening and can't be bothered to talk? (ahhhh! help!!) I don't like to talk about myself. I end up feeling far too vulnerable. There are no secrets but I just won't volunteer information. This is troubling. I picture this clear box with me inside and just one arm hanging out. It reaches but if you try to help it'll smack you. If you really wanted to see I wonder why don't they just look, its a clear box for shit sake. No. Theres still those walls.
Sad really. I was reminded of this at work today. A co-worker I barely know was spilling her life story out to me. This is fine. I like it alot actually. It happens alot too. At the bus stop a woman was telling me all about her son and how old she is and how she was married once but then divorced and is a bartender by trade.....I just said hello to her son. I just feel like alot of people reach out and I have stopped reaching out. I don't know if I'm unable to trouble people around me or unwanting to trouble myself with the fear of vulnerability. It's a well balanced argument in my head. Although, it is still an argument. No matter how big or small it's placing a wall between myself and what I love so much. People.
Its amazing how much damage you can do in 22 years while wearing a blindfold.

Katrina at 4:09 AM

2006-11-01

fatboy slim - weapon of choice

Christopher Walken = hustler

Katrina at 12:51 PM

A dot of boundless energy we are.

Katrina at 1:49 AM