2006-11-02

Little thoughts, Big dilemma. (sizing up the box)

How do you be a listener by nature and listen to someone else that likes to listen, listen for something said, but you are deep in listening and can't be bothered to talk? (ahhhh! help!!) I don't like to talk about myself. I end up feeling far too vulnerable. There are no secrets but I just won't volunteer information. This is troubling. I picture this clear box with me inside and just one arm hanging out. It reaches but if you try to help it'll smack you. If you really wanted to see I wonder why don't they just look, its a clear box for shit sake. No. Theres still those walls.
Sad really. I was reminded of this at work today. A co-worker I barely know was spilling her life story out to me. This is fine. I like it alot actually. It happens alot too. At the bus stop a woman was telling me all about her son and how old she is and how she was married once but then divorced and is a bartender by trade.....I just said hello to her son. I just feel like alot of people reach out and I have stopped reaching out. I don't know if I'm unable to trouble people around me or unwanting to trouble myself with the fear of vulnerability. It's a well balanced argument in my head. Although, it is still an argument. No matter how big or small it's placing a wall between myself and what I love so much. People.
Its amazing how much damage you can do in 22 years while wearing a blindfold.

Katrina at 4:09 AM

2006-11-02

Little thoughts, Big dilemma. (sizing up the box)

How do you be a listener by nature and listen to someone else that likes to listen, listen for something said, but you are deep in listening and can't be bothered to talk? (ahhhh! help!!) I don't like to talk about myself. I end up feeling far too vulnerable. There are no secrets but I just won't volunteer information. This is troubling. I picture this clear box with me inside and just one arm hanging out. It reaches but if you try to help it'll smack you. If you really wanted to see I wonder why don't they just look, its a clear box for shit sake. No. Theres still those walls.
Sad really. I was reminded of this at work today. A co-worker I barely know was spilling her life story out to me. This is fine. I like it alot actually. It happens alot too. At the bus stop a woman was telling me all about her son and how old she is and how she was married once but then divorced and is a bartender by trade.....I just said hello to her son. I just feel like alot of people reach out and I have stopped reaching out. I don't know if I'm unable to trouble people around me or unwanting to trouble myself with the fear of vulnerability. It's a well balanced argument in my head. Although, it is still an argument. No matter how big or small it's placing a wall between myself and what I love so much. People.
Its amazing how much damage you can do in 22 years while wearing a blindfold.

Katrina at 4:09 AM