2006-12-30
p.s.
Not to toot my own horn but i make really tasty peanut butter oatmeal cookies. you guys should try them. seriously.Katrina at 5:54 PM
no conclusion.
I am 2 cream, 1 sweetener. She is a mocha latte. He though, he is a double expresso and a caramel macchiato on top of that. That one is just a lemon biscuit. No caffeine. No drink. Maybe a slurp from the fountain but otherwise, just biscuit. Then theres that girl, she is straight caffeine pills and a dark blend of some sort. We don't really know her. She's kind of the one that sits in the corner listening to ambience and moonlight sonata over and over. I am just a 2 cream, 1 sweetener. I used to take sugar. Do you know what sugar does? It makes you want the bitter of the coffee back. What sweetener does is leaves the coffee tasting like coffee but with the taste of sugar without the sweet syrup like flavour you get from real sugar. Too much sugar makes you forget why you liked the coffee in the first place. Why did you like the coffee in the first place? Now, once you get used to your coffee do you switch? Like i did? I switched to sweetener. I hear it causes cancer. I also bought vitamins with a whole shitload of beta carotene inside. I was then told high amounts of beta carotene in a smoker, over time, causes lung cancer. In lab rats eh? If I was a lab rat. I would give that scientist the finger. Not because i think its bullshit, but because I don't see the point.I hope I don't see my death coming. I don't want to wait for it. Which makes me wonder if I am waiting for it now. I can see it coming. I mean I know its there waiting for me somewhere. There is just no ETA. This, I am alright with. Getting diagnosed with something and hearing 'you have xxxxxxxx amount of time to live. That would not be the most enjoyable thing. I don't think I could do anything different though. People ask 'If you knew you only had so many days to live, what would you do?' I think if your answer involves doing things differently from that point on...maybe, you weren't doing the things you wanted in the first place. So, when I say I wouldn't change anything, Im serious. I don't do anything now that I regret or that I would change. I am doing things exactly how I enjoy doing things. I don't pretend that death is a million miles away and that it will never find me. I don't believe that I have an eternity to finish or do things that I want to. I take it day by day. I try to live for right now. I try to be good to people. All you really have is the way you treat people. When you go to bed at night, do you think about things you wish were different? I used to but never again. That was a long time ago. I can only give you what I have, whatever is mine is yours. No holds barred. No apologies. No regrets. Just live and let live. I just guess that sometimes when you use sugar...it can be too sweet for some people. So, I try not to sugar coat things. I just try to be like sweetener without hiding the natural taste of the good stuff? Trying to keep it a little more real. Only for myself I guess though.blah. I suck.I like the fact that I never come to a real conclusion about anything. I think it says alot about the way my mind works.
Katrina at 4:09 PM
tea geysers and magic
I laughed so hard today my tea blew out of my nose and on the person that made me laugh.It was the greatest moment today.
Some guy on the street gave me a hug too. I was the only one that hugged him. Everyone else thought he was creepy. I think he was magical.
I like to think we're all a little magical.
Tomorrow is New years eve. If you can't be with the one you love, love the ones your with.
Happy easter guys.
Katrina at 2:59 AM
2006-12-28
by the way
what i would give to be elemental hero electrum with my warrior fusion effect....*sigh*
dream a little dream.
Katrina at 8:15 PM
vitamins and tampons
Thus enters my personal point of view when it comes to growth in relationships. Now, currently I am talking with a friend on MSN. We got to chatting about a girl we both know and the story he told me reminded me of playing barbies with this girl amy in grade 4. In the daytime, after school, we would bust out our plethura of barbies and kens and we would make them make love and we would have dinners and go for rides in the pink corvette. Do barbies hair and..well...ken was boring his hair was always plastic. You could only dress him and undress him (typical relationship...tell your other what they can and cant do and then fuck them to make up for it all...guaranteed to work or....half your assets back). So, anyways, In the night time, on about 4 occasions that I can recall, Amy would come banging on my door screaming and crying that her mother and father were fighting and what not....police....tears...dad comes back the next day....mom and him make whoopy and its off to the races again. Luck of the draw really...if no. 6 wins someone is getting knocked the hell out.Now, I personally can see the strange workings of this whole situation. I think Virginity has alot to do with it. Or even more, lack of heartbreak romantically. I was a virgin once. I remember what it's like. We are human aliens. I would say all of us besides monks and nuns and the pope would say sex is a huge benefactor in most relationships. Hell, I was making ken screw barbie before I knew what a penis looked like. obviously something has been mapped out here.
Young, I think it leads to believing that things should just be a certain way and if anything goes off of that track its grounds for punishment. I should be angry with you for things I am doing to myself. I choose to stay with YOU so why should I be punished for doing so? As if, we are doinf that person a favour.
Ugly ego.
Anyways, his story summed up as this, girl meets boy as a young girl, girl waits for boy, boy hasn't been seen in years and shows no signs of returning, girl waits for boy.
I don't know why she waited on guy....I guess she'll die.
I see this alot more in women as well. Women, I think, are far more likely to work through the acts like these. We easily believe that if we are told someone wants us just once I think we feel that means forever. Naturally, giving up our whole lives to be with that person. (I was an idealistic virgin once)
I don't personally believe that at all. I just see it alot. I watch girl and boy find silly reasons to argue and still stay together. I wonder if people play jokes on me because its so silly for me to watch personally. I couldn't imagine now looking at someone and saying 'listen, I am going to find as many reasons as I can to fight with you, and while we fight I will think of a million loopholes to put myself through so you feel bad for leaving and ultimately don't'. Which is what I think maybe people should just say and get it over with instead of making a game out of it.
Maybe, I just think that we should be a little more confident in our efforts to love the people around us. Maybe, if we weren't insecure all the time we would find more reasons to love and forget the reasons we used to have for not.
I am so bad at pretending I know about what goes on around me.
Really, I am just glad I bought vitamins and tampons today. I needed them.
Katrina at 7:28 PM
2006-12-25
Love.
It's so insane how much one little word has over your existence. Everybody feels for that word. Everyone knows that word means more than something...Less than nothing. Everyone knows love. You fight it...we all do. Which is such a crazy thing because love is the easiest thing to do. You'll win everytime when you love selflessly.Merry Christmas.
Today and forever,
Love Selflessly,
Katrina.
STUN AND DISARM
Katrina at 5:11 AM
2006-12-24
jasdhkljash
This year was ultimately better than last year. Last year was the seed for this year though so I can't really judge one from the other. Last year sowed. This year harvest. The best part is that this year I have purposely gone without so many things I normally wouldn't have before. I used to subject myself to meaningless things and be this meaninglessness to others. I think this year birthed a new change (which is to say dedicated myself to the now). I'm glad all i've done so far is just pumped the gas in my life vehicle. i've yet to even hit the open road. I'm pretty excited for everything though. I've got alot of plans for the new year. Kind of strange plans when I tell people about them but I think they will help myself and the people around me alot. I'm hoping to anyways.Oh, and last night when I was downtown I saw that old man again. This time he waved at me. When I look back in my blogs i'll post about that synchronicity.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Katrina at 3:13 PM
2006-12-23
maggie and the rock liver
Maggie had a christmas party last night. She is a psychedelic host. It had ambience and a really nice volume on the music. You know when its loud but you can still talk to the people around you. Maggies downfall...She insists on making everyones drinks like a bartender does. Which would be fine if you had a liver made of marble. no. cast fucking iron. After my first drink I felt like it was time to leave. Then I felt like it was the amount of booze in my system telling me it was home time. So I revolted. Agreed to let maggie make me another. I loved mai tais until maggie made them...that wasn't a mai tai maggie...It was a cup of liquid death. Which lead to another and another. Then, you know its home time when the fights break out. So then we thought it was home time but really it wasn't because we ended up at molly blooms. Now something weird happened there...This guy, who said his name was 'ziggy' was pointing at me across the patio...I thought oh god...tell me its not love at first sight...Now it was ziggy who revolted against my claims of dissatisfaction with our relationship. He fought me for 40 mins about why I should be with him. When he finally asked me why I wouldn't ultimately date him. I gave him 3 reasons. I know two indeed were true. He had a womans voice...not a gay voice...I real true womans voice. On top of that he told me about seeing me on the bus and thought I was 'so fucking hot' which means during that bus ride he was licking his dry ass lips and thinking about my tits around his cock. Lastly, He thought it was cool to debate my 'no thanks, not really interested' answer to his 'want to come to my house tonight'. It was like he was a telemarketer that wouldn't stop going until I hung up. My hang up was walking back into mollys where he followed me around for 5 mins before I left mollys and went across the street for a vegetarian and a coke. (not a human vegetarian..which would have been nice)Maybe, ziggy was my last hope for true love.
eeek!
EDIT: sorry. I'm rude.
Katrina at 6:52 PM
the horoscope...
You take life seriously, but every now and then you want to lighten up and just be in the moment. Small activities tickle your funny bone. Enjoy the fun without an agenda, and you'll find that the good times keep coming.no one knows this is an evil post......muwahahahahah! hahaahahah!
Katrina at 5:32 AM
2006-12-22
Fear of a wide open life
I'm 6 years from 34I'm 3 minutes from an ambulance
I'm a bus ride from anywhere
I'm 40 winks from morning
I'm a cold hand from my relief
Though you're sleeping next to me again
I'm a cold hand without a glove
But let's wait a year for the next one
I'm a gap from a train
I'm a spectrum away from a colourful life
Fear of a wide open life
It's too heavy to move
And too fragile to drop
Stop stop stop stop
Hold on to your own hand
If no one else will take it
Stand upon your own feet
If no ones gonna carry you
We move our feet on the floor
Before the dust can settle
In case our steps can be traced
In case of anything. Whether
It's something worse or better
Or somehow worth the effort
To go to all the bother
Fear of a wide open life
It's too heavy to move
And too fragile to drop
Stop stop stop stop
Hold on to your own hand
If no one else will take it
Stand up on your own feet
If no ones gonna carry you
I'm a minute from my alarm
I'm a lukewarm shower from washing out
and I'm
A long walk to a short road
A slow ride to a fast end
I'm a black cloud from a sunny day
And miles wide of the mark
I'm an answer short of getting it
A long fall for a raindrop
Fear of a wide open life
It's too heavy to move
And too fragile to drop
Stop stop stop stop
Hold on to your own hand
If no one else will take it
Stand up on your own feet
If no ones gonna carry you
-lowlowlowlalalalovelovelove
I hope your birthday was awesome Eric.
Come over during the holidays.
We'll watch donnie darko again.
What are feces? dead mice!
Katrina at 4:12 AM
who knew?
Katrina at 1:42 AM
2006-12-21
sea and be scene
London is similar to a vortex. Remember this, It will suck the life out of you if you let it. It eats people. London is a fat man and you are and large size popcorn chicken.Something has got to give.
you asked me what was going on
between my heart and mind
my eyes screamed out
'the chase, my friend'
naturally, we're blind
but my lips moved not
inside this dream
the words they couldnt find
illusory, i told myself
this silence so unkind
but in all seriousness...has procrastination ever killed anyone?
Katrina at 9:41 PM
2006-12-20
Keane - BedshapedKatrina at 1:01 AM
will road trip for 20 pills of ecstasy...
the word is 'out' and I am wedged in the white corner wearing ivory....if ivory and white weren't two separate colours i would be inconspicuous completely. Oh, and the shit smear on my backside gives me away as well. Even if you wished completely to go unnoticed, you will shit yourself or sneeze into your elbow and sport a lugie all day. All depends on which toxin you decide to export from your soul that day. Someone will notice you.Even if to admire your scarf from afar.
I'm glad no one can read between the lines....or I'd seem crazy...or completely in love.
whatever crazy means (to be in love).
Oh! You guys remember that day when the sun when down so beautifully. It was winter time. We were clad in windjackets and thick pants. We sparked a joint on the hamilton escarpment with Jackie. There was a bench so we sat and talked about saving people. The kind of saving that you only talk about with other saviours. Never boastfully. Never mention who you saved. Or even mention the word save at all. You just speak your mind. Someone else listens. You both feel like a saviour. At the same time you feel saved. Saved in the sense that someone has a piece of you in their soul, should you ever forget that piece was there....You can always know someone else holds in a warm place. Like their heart...but closer.
Maybe that was just me. Maybe it was today. With Jackie.
You were all there too...but closer.
I wish to give all of myself away and only keep pieces of you in its place.
Oz?
auntie em?
Once we get our hearts we won't notice the tin.
Katrina at 12:22 AM
2006-12-18
...
Deliverance is an amazing thing really.You have all these beliefs like....believing in not believing in anything is the right way... Honestly, I am so tired of hearing the same bullshit in different syllables, euphonisms and cacophonisms....etc.etc.
ALL YOU CAN DO IS FEEL....EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!
I could be wrong....but I'm only guessing that wrongness...I don't feel it.
You can't put life into categories of awareness or even plain being. You can't believe one thing to be true and not the other. You are only one set of eyes.
I was so wrong.
I am still so wrong.
You'd understand.
I wish I knew you better.
I know you'd see it perfectly flawful (even a word???).
Thats what I like about you guys.
I still believe I can make things happen.
I've already proved it.
This life is mine alone.
Katrina at 5:50 AM
2006-12-17
beware the filtering girl
In light of renewal, I choose to post no other than the craptastic words that are my soul.can you dig it?
If you're reading this, I miss you, we should talk more often.
When you're young
In-sight
one million one
bedroom apart-ments
sit silent through
the weekdays
but when broken hearts
gallavant through bars
home to lonely hallways
friday is the glue
of the bachelor apart-ment
--------------------
I've created
17 little fish
all named
colours of the snow
let bygones be bygones
but 17 little fish
cannot swim
in the snow
---------------
Crisp blue midnight
has centred on
your radiant light
and the darkness
that encompassed
was a blindfold
to my eyes
but not my sight
----------------------
I'd love to scream out that names of the people that have been a sieve for me.
But they are to peaceful to disturb.
Katrina at 3:22 AM
2006-12-16
an explaination
If you are unsure what it feels like. Perhaps you can't relate. I am going to try my best to put it into words for you. Give you a slight grasp on an image, that is the essence, you may not undestand. It is of course my view.Beware, You may need an open mind.
Its like the first few days of a new illness, something you've never felt the symptoms of before. Plaguing you with worry. What if its....? Except for you never see the doctor. Then the symptoms go away. They don't kill you and you return to health. Its the moment you open your eyes and you don't feel any symptoms. The excitement of sitting up out of bed. Feeling no pain. It's the feeling of feeling no pain.
now take that feeling. And take the doubt that creates the opposition of excitement for feeling better.
That moment you wonder if you are still sick.
Katrina at 12:48 AM
2006-12-15
the undistracted.
I like to begin with saying my life is just my fading self. An idea I created today using thoughts and colour. Among other things. Don't laugh. It's true.Thats boring though?
I'd rather talk about the undistracted. What is there to be absorbed by and what not to be distracted with? It seems we are all distracted lately. Even myself, I am completely busy with things that are utterly fallible and unimportant. I wonder though what is it that is important. I would assume I do things that I feel are unimportant in hopes to gain something of more importance, meaning or value. Money is not the answer. Keeping busy is not something I love so much. Only if the business is being busily leisured. haha. Busily kept occupied with personally enjoyable activites. Of course, Who doesn't I suppose. The issue is we are constantly looking at other things. What we need. want. enjoy. bleh bleh. Christmas is coming. MANY are preoccupied with this. The many that I know don't even believe in anything that may come close to something that signifies a belief in any sort of christmas celebration. I don't personally care about what they do with their beliefs. Nor do I mind what they do in their non-beliefs. I just wonder when an apparently religious holiday became fucking hallmark. I am no good with jargon but I think I can say freely that it doesn't make much sense to celebrate something you don't believe in. It's a childrens holiday now...christmas is for the kids...everyone will tell you that.
I'd just like to remind myself that kids are just little people and eventually they get bigger.
When they do that lie will be part of the other pile of lies that could possibly create a dilemma in the soul. (I am only speaking from experience). I am not saying I cried when I figured out santa wasnt real. Or that I was an avid church goer. I am just saying, personally, I don't know when this doubt began but I am sure lying to me about santa, the toothfairy and the easter bunny didn't help. Does this make any sense? I wish I knew the jargon. Could make this a little clearer. We lie to these kids to make conglomerates money over the holidays. This christmas spirit makes me ill because I don't see what differentiates Dec 25 from Aug 8th. We should be giving, loving and open armed people 24/7 for eternity. I sound like scrooge. I am not, I promise. I will bake christmas cookies to prove it. I am just confused on what this s about. So far it seems to be a cycle of distractions and absorbment. We just fill up our lives with things to keep us occupied until we die. Wait for it.........................................
For me,
the only thing that seems to work in aiding the distractions is art. Painting. Writing. Creating. Talking. Loving, the sweetest of arts.
Anything you can do without being distracted I suppose.These are the things I think are important when searching to be undistracted. These things we can do calmly because there is nothing for comparison. The modulations in music. The way the sounds come to life in the crescendos and fortes. The sound of silence in meditation. The emptiness of the mind when moving into a painting, drawing or poem. I love a quiet mind. A comfy body. A peaceful expression. I'm easygoing. I suppose when you are easygoing it is easy to go with the flow and get lost in the current. I have proved this point well in the prior months.
I'll try to stay undistracted a little more often.
by the way, I had a crazy dream that I was on a rickety wooden bus you'd see in an episode of lonely planet where they travel to a remote location. There was a celebration happening although it seemed quite sad. I was holding hands with two people one I didn't know and the other character (who I was strangely intrigued to see in my dream) was telling me that this was the only part of the ceremony. That was after the girl said this is the best part. Then I was on that bus with small dirty children and I felt like the bus and administration was malicious...we went up a hill on a dirt road through the woods and they played tricks on these kids and then we sped up and flew off a rock cliff...into the sky....but as I look behind me at the cliff...there is red smoke and it dissipates but not before revealing a face....and then it looks like move credits and below the disappearing face its all words and smallprint and then as im trying to make out what it says the face speaks and it says 'the only game you'll ever play'.....then I woke up...I was dreaming still before that ceremony at the beginning was happening but it was random things...like this guy that I work with was playing basketball in front of some house and i was watching. Other things were going on that I cant remember. I cant even be sure it was basketball he was playing...but it all shut down for this ceremony.
Weird to see him in my dream and the person I was holding hands with at this ceremony was extremely strange to dream about...especially the feeling of the dream and he came from out of nowhere.
Life is a fucking amazing thing.
Now I will spare 10 for robot chicken.
peace my friends.
Katrina at 2:16 AM
2006-12-12
cry a little more eh?
You always thought your dream to someday write a children's book made you look like a highly original trailblazer until you are seated around a table of strangers who all want to write children's books. Then all of a sudden you reconsider priorities ( in the midst of relation, sometimes I am bothered that we're all the same)....then you do it again because you're wondering if you're being yourself at all. I think perhaps I am looking to be so original. It will never happen in the search for originality. I end up stuttering and seemingly chaotic. spinoza said in order to truly understand something you have to feel it yourself. professors get mixed up in systems. mostly always systems. Of the way things should work and of the ways things shouldn't work. He says chaos is the order and even the most wonderous chaotic things should be no less at peace on the inside than someone in meditation (assuming). This made me feel a little better reading it. In my want to be original. Although selfish, I sometimes find I am actually looking to be more like the people around me. I am looking to get a house, I am looking for success, I am looking to see if there is a dream I can conquer settimg myself somewhere I would have never dreamed. But. It is not that I think I need these things. I know I don't. I don't even want these things. I know they mean nothing. I am still so conditioned its sickening. I just want to move to sri lanka. Live in the jungle. Fucking kill things with the blow arrow thingys. Thats all. I just want something more that I can't find here. And even that is wrong. It's so close to here Im blind to it. Blind little girl.fuckin' hell.
Perhaps I need to stop feeling so much. Numb it up a bit.
Katrina at 12:30 PM
2006-12-11
more spacey thoughts about things misunderstood.
It's just a trap everytime. You get too close and a leg will get stuck. I was just a mouse looking for a bigger piece of cheese. We all age the same. Some for longer. Some a little saltier. I thought you were creamier I think. Like brie. You must have known how this works already because you didn't get close enough for a leg to get stuck. Tempted though I assume. Could have been paranoid, like me. It's just the trouble with guessing. Assuming we all think the same. Like the orange I see is the same orange you see. It's just a trap, everytime. It's likely that there was a piece of the cheese a little moldier than the rest. It faced you daily and that was enough for you to stick to cheddar. You don't have to guess when it's already mapped out for you.Katrina at 10:41 AM
2006-12-07
bash.org
#713079 +(207)- [X]-------------------
yeah
What are the plans for new years? Seriously, I forgot it was quickly approaching. I have no plans whatsoever and really, every god damn day is a new year. eh. One of you is bound to call me and we'll go to a party and we'll get shitfaced and talk about it the morning. Good times.
If I live to be 70 I will only have 48 more new years nights.
If I live to be 70 I will only have 48 summers.
48 springs
48 winters
48 birthdays
48 of your birthdays (if you live to 70)
maybe 7 blue moons
you've already seen the only comet you've seen...
unless you see comets everyday, and birthdays everyday, and something springs everyday and things happen 'once in a blue moon' for you everyday. Then you are creating your own reality.
if I do live to be 70....I will have been 70 48 times already.
I will have the chance to look back on my life and think that I was reborn everyday. That I took life in stride. I was never serious about such a ridiculous thing and I saw things that I know were significant to my life. I created things. I found things in people they couldn't find in themselves. I was on the receiving end of these situations as well. I taught, I learned, I grew and I was thankful. I was sad. I was angry. I was filled with such bliss I could have died in moments and been so lost in those seconds I would have been none the wiser. I knew I was none the wiser. I was sick. I was well. I was humiliated. I was insatiated. I was in lust, love and I was hurt. I was healed and I was mourned. I was capable and weak. I was speechless and profound. I was black eyed and jealous. Wide eyed and intrigued. I was brutal and dishonest. I was painfully real and stubborn. Ugly and beautiful. Strong and resilient. Earthy and vulnerable. Spacey and empty.
I was 22 and I was myself, at least for a moment.
How many moments do I have if I live to 70?
If I make each moment equate to 70 years then I will have lived 4900 lives in every moment.
I don't know where this is going.
I think that may be the problem.
I love you all.
Nice to meet you.
My name is Katrina.
Katrina at 11:13 PM
2006-12-04
How I learned to keep warm.
We put the plastic over our windows again this year. Something about keeping the warm in and the cold out. My mother always does this to the windows, every year. She spent many a year with the same man who urged her it would save money by doing this. He also rationed milk. He could hear even the quietest 7 year old open a fridge. Even with the tv on full blast. His own angry thoughts screaming in his head. He always heard the fridge. I always had to tiptoe around him. It is a shame when a mother can spend 14 years with a man and by the time he leaves they still haven’t addressed him as anything other than his nickname. Foresight. Some people just aren’t the father type. Kids feel everything. We knew from the backseat, radio blaring, that when mom is whis-umbling something in the front seat to this man, we are to ask what we are doing. ‘Mshs,,,,mmambmlgng’ we hear. ‘What? What mum? Where are we going?’. You pick up on these things as a child. A whisper meant don’t get their hopes up. We may change our minds. Especially when they maybe kinda sorta thought about taking us to the country to go tobogganing. The plastic reminds me of all these things. Something about keeping the warm in and the cold out.Katrina at 12:18 AM
2006-12-03
1
Point 7 of 13.Have social gatherings.
This is the seventh way to become a great literary artist. Spend more time with people. Notice their faults. Figure them out. Pay too much attention. Create stress, spend money and let people make a mess in your apartment. Listen to their drama. Pretend you care. People love to listen to themselves talk. Nobody wants to be a piece of the past you weren’t interested in. They want to be a piece of the past you will revisit.
Think you know how people work. You know what you can do to help people. They never take advice. It doesn’t matter what you say. You haven’t experienced anything even close to relative to their story. What does it matter? They just like to hear their own voices. Let them speak. Plant a seed. It could be a dud. Don't think negatively of them, thats bad karma. Just wear a straight face and they will make your book for you. When they leave, pick up a pen. Sit at your computer. Whatever it is you do. Complain. Let your self-righteous mind spill out everything you never say to their faces, through you, and into your tools. You can then change names and call it fiction. People will be none the wiser and you will have the first chapter of your book in no time.
Katrina at 10:40 PM
patchouli and oranges
My friend informed me that my Pi hoodie from thinkgeek arrived last week. This make me pretty happy. I love that pi hoodie. I also ordered an old school style 3/4 length sleeved shirt with my favorite quote on it. I'm happy about these things. I sang at the bus stop today too. People were listening. Albeit cringing.Then
on the bus
I saw a couple. Those things are everywhere lately. I like to see all the gooey cuddly goodness and everything but I can't lie. I currently have intimacy phobia. I find this completely screwed up and it kind of reminds me of being a kid and looking at this exact situation im in but involving other people and I always thought, no, that would never happen to me. I think I have been saying this for a while but everything I said I wouldn't do or would never happen, has.
My conclusion?
I am going to be the crazy cat lady.
You will walk into my house when I'm 45 and I will be clad in some long black flowy thing with sequens, long frizzy hair and a yellowed smokers smile. I will offer you something strange like chocolate covered parsnips and tell you it enhances your vocabulary or something. Sit you down, and talk for hours about my damaged soul and how I saw it all coming with an in depth look into the stars. My house will smell of patchouli and oranges, plants from foreign countries and I will have 7 cats and 2 will be pregnant. All my friends will be male. All of them also gay. I will be the lonely eccentric crazy cat lady.
Some things can't be helped.
*sigh*
I do hope if this does not turn out true that I still have a house that smells like patchouli and oranges.
Katrina at 8:26 PM
I got nothin'
I was thinking just now and I have had a bit of a hard time forgiving myself for things I've done wrong. I just want to say now that in this life, I haven't done anything wrong. I have participated! I will continue to participate and do somethings wrong because thats what I do. I have almost never done whats 'right' the first time. I do what I feel is right for me at that time and it all turns out in the end sometimes its messy sometimes it works. I always learn from it. Don't get me wrong. I've been a nice person. I've been evil, then I saw someone else be evil. I've lied. I've told the truth, after I saw what the truth can do. I've stolen. I've given shit to people who stole after I realized what stealing does to a conscious. I break hearts, but starting making them when I saw how many had a heart like mine. I have friends, lost friends. I started volunteering all the time after I realized that I am not the only one who needs help. I try to make people laugh because I remember times when all I wanted was to laugh and there was something serious in the way. I removed obstacles. I am a removed obstacle.I am guaranteed to take life unseriously because thats the only way I know how to take it. I no longer guess and I haven't in a long time. I no longer wait for things to happen because I like the course it runs alone. I am not sure whats in front of my eyes is not coming from within. With that said, I think I am in a good position and things are looking great.
Happy Day Sunday!
Katrina at 9:07 AM
2006-12-02
pimple hath smote me (? I know im not smitten)
I am in a funny mood today because I seriously thought I had an ear infection. Turns out I was right. Along with that, I also have swimmers ear and a god damn zit the doctor claimed was 'big for an ear zit, but don't worry its come to a head' right at the entrance of my ________(insert forgotten anatomy here). Causing a big problem relative to drainage and things of positive progression. Im am enslaved to eternal earache. Do you know how weird it is to go to the doctor and have him tell you theres a zit in your ear big enough to impersonate a fucking dam? I laughed in the office. I had to. a zit, swimmers ear and an infection in the same ear. oh, it would be my luck. I can't hear very well and I keep thinking the phone is ringing. it is pretty annoying. I will fight the ear monster. It is really painful though. :(Happy Saturday guys.
Katrina at 10:42 AM