Namaste

2007-01-31

hi.

'A random waft of jasmine makes you nostalgic for places you've never been, people you don't know and a life you never lived. Close your eyes and breath deep -- yeah, they had it good.'

I feel like that alot.
Im a horoscope junkie. I need an intervention. Horoscopes are dumb.
I had something to write about before I logged in and now I forget what it was.
I tried telling James about the things I think about. He asked.
Another person down!
They never understand. I think it's my fault though because I can't explain myself for shit. He kept asking questions. I like that because normally I don't volunteer information. seems too chatty or something. Like I want you to know everything and think im sooooo awesome. I'd rather not explain the details. It just seems insincere because perhaps you won't see it that way and then I look like a fraud or something. I could just show you from example. You could all watch me do my laundry and then think 'oh, she really does shake out the clothes before she puts them in the dryer to save on wrinkles and twists'. See, if I tell you that it just seems weird. If you see it, it may seem obsessive complusive....lol...I think I would rather that. It's the most honest.
Anyways, he kept asking questions, and confusing himself and I didnt aid that situation. I just changed the topic because clearly we are not on the same page. It's my problem, I relate to barely anyone besides a select few.
I am going to see the tragically hip next monday. I'm kinda happy about that. I love the hip.
nothing to say.
bye. and good day.

Katrina at 6:14 AM

2007-01-29

Salad Fingers 5

I forgot about this.

Katrina at 10:39 AM

hahaha!

You scored as Cynicism. You are a Cynic. You question social norms, even challenge it, and feel that man's main nature is towards self interest. You strive to be a free thinker.

Cynicism

92%

Platonist

83%

Skeptic

67%

Idealism

67%

Empiricism

58%

Stoic

33%

Aristotelian

33%

Sophism

17%

What Philosophical School do you belong to?
created with QuizFarm.com

Katrina at 9:18 AM

2007-01-28

thats a negatory. 10-4 copy.

Angry things you say will hurt you more than they hurt me.
I believe you cannot war with the unarmed.
You will only fight yourself.
I am weaponless and open armed.
I am uncapable of warring over such trivial things.
Everyone be themselves today and let's see what can be accomplished.
We could build an empire.
or destroy one.
Your choice.
I'm not here to fight.

Katrina at 9:34 AM

2007-01-27

Must every emotion involve a disturbance?

So, this is from marvin minskys book, 'the emotion machine':

'For, ‘look at’ suppresses your questions about the systems that choose how you move your eyes. Then, ‘object’ diverts you from asking how your visual systems partition a scene into various patches of color and texture—and then assign them to different ‘things.’ Similarly, ‘see what it is’ serves to keep you from asking how that recognition relates to other things that you’ve seen in the past.'

The whole book is fairly easy stuff to comprehend. I call that whole paragraph labelling. It kills the jargon. Jargon is a little hard to absorb for some people. One word is good for me. This is the harder part though because I am trying not to label things but in order to not think about things so much I like to label. In order to explain how I feel about things I also like to label. It makes it easier to explain myself. Rather than going off on a tangent explaining to you every little detail of how I came to a conclusion. I guess what I want to do is label everything for what it is at that moment instead of labelling something to another thing from the past.

I've said label so much it sounds and looks funny.

on coming to a conclusion....

'Reaction: Joan reacted quickly to that sound.
Identification: She recognized it as being a sound.
Characterization: She classified it as the sound of a car.
Attention: She noticed certain things rather than others.
Imagining: She envisioned two or more possible futures.
Indecision: She wondered whether to cross or retreat.
Decision: She chose one of several alternative actions.
Recollection: She retrieved descriptions of prior events.
Reconsideration: Later she reconsidered this choice.
Selection: She selected a way to choose among options.
Apprehension: She was uneasy about arriving late.
Planning: She constructed a multi-step action-plan.
Embodiment: She tried to describe her body's condition.
Emotion: She changed major parts of her mental state.
Representation: She interconnected a set of descriptions.
Language: She constructed several verbal expressions.
Narration: She heard them as dialogs in her mind.
Anticipation: She expected certain future condition.
Intention: She changed some of her goals’ priorities.
Reasoning: She made various kinds of inferences.
Reflection: She thought about what she’s recently done.Self-Reflection: She reflected on her recent thoughts.
Empathy: She imagined other persons’ thoughts.
Moral Reflection: She evaluated what she has done.
Self-Imaging: She made and used models of herself.
Self-Awareness: She characterized her mental condition.
Sense of Identity: She regarded herself as an entity.'

If in order to un-condition (good luck) myself. Become in every sense of the word a 'free thinker'. I would have to stop doing all of that. It happens so fast how the hell am I supposed to not? I don't even notice it happening. Mind you, some of those things above I am seriously hoping I don't do but I suppose I can't be silly and place myself above anything. Including poop.

The book isn't that intriguing really, but it did put something into perspective for me. He tends to put feelings on the back shelf and explain them through logic and I can't stand that. He did ask a good question though and that was 'must every emotion involve a disturbance'.
I think I now see that the reason I feel so much about everything could actually be because I am constantly disturbed by things around me. I don't see much that revolves around me as making too much sense besides order in chaos. I do tend to let it plague me.

It reminded me of being very young. I have only come across one person who remembers this sort of incident and feels the same way. So, if you don't understand then don't worry about it. I rememeber the first boy who had a crush on me when I was probably about 4 or 5. We were playing in the park near my house and he pushed me on the slide and kept trying to kiss me. I remember feeling so sick and nervous and utterly out of my element. I could not describe the feeling and to this day I remember it clearly and I still can't describe the feeling. It never happened again after that. I do know that after that moment I began questioning sex and life in general. Even if only internally for a long time. So this question I do want to look into because I am wondering if the reason why feel so much is due to generally having a life of disturbances. Learning from experience and watching others experience terrible things rather than books. Actually having to watch others pain and my own pain and over thinking due to such things. Trying to figure out how to make things 'better' all the time. Thinking things used to be so bad all the time.
Anyways, I really love that question and I will be watching what happens within myself.
I've asked it, I am sure I will live out the answer.

I need therapy.

Katrina at 3:13 PM

Drinking & Writing

Katrina at 2:57 PM

r & r

I bought some of those HUGE sticks of incense from high times yesterday. I think one can burn for about 6 hours before your either dead from smoke inhalation or it burns out. This one has been burning since 10 o'clock this morning and it is still going strong. Only half burned away. I don't know what scent it is but it's alright. I also bought another incense that is named in a language I don't understand but it's made of resin and the smoke really billows and it's very very strong. I really like it though.
I think my body wants to declare mutiny against my non-body.
We haven't been very nice to her lately.
I was looking into dowsing. Not for water but to see about bad/bound energy in the body. I was reading about it. I am not positive whether or not it's the best way to go about that exactly. But, I'll try anything twice so I will do that today. All in all I think it's a 'chill the fuck out trine' saturday. I have done nothing but work and get myself into trouble for the past 2 months and I think I'm finally tired. So, a good bath, some dowsing, some new incense (if it doesnt kill me), a long journal entry and a good meal is in order today.
My sister is gone for the weekend.
My mother is gone for the weekend.
I am sober.
I am in chill mode.
Good weekend.

Katrina at 12:59 PM

2007-01-26

'any stigma will beat a dogma'

Katrina at 9:13 PM

2007-01-25

woo

at least jack white knows what the fuck I talk about. the lyrics to level by the raconteurs says so.
My baby's on the level
And I try to read her mind
She's on the straight and narrow
I'm guessin' all the time
And I can't see the road
If I'm lookin' at the signs
I'm carryin' the load
And steppin' outta line
hooray for jack white!

Katrina at 11:00 AM

DUDE IN THE ORANGE!!!!

whoa.

Katrina at 9:10 AM

Muhammad My Friend -Tori Amos & Maynard James Keenan

Katrina at 5:53 AM

Tori Amos - Smells like teen spirit

She gives this a whole new meaning.

Katrina at 3:39 AM

cibelle ft. devendra banhart

I don't know why i love this so much.

Katrina at 3:19 AM

2007-01-24

e-thought central.

theres a saying that goes:
if you give people too much rope they will hang themselves.

I was thinking. I came to no conclusion as usual. I think that when I use facts and things to figure out things going on around me I only label things. Kind of like seeing the symptoms of a cold instead of the cold itself. Like, we have this situation regarding whatever it may and I am linking this and that to a name. call it something silly like happiness. I relate happiness to when I feel good about myself and my surroundings. I am only labelling the things I have experienced to new experiences. I would say this is not a good thing. I would think this only causes reasons to carry bags and bags and bags.
This is a thought I can't express.

Another thought,
You cannot feel opposite emotions at the same time (i think). I mean in any one situation. I can only feel what I feel at one moment and cannot feel two ways at the same time. So when I am feeling war vs. peace I cannot love the person I am shooting (bad one).
Therefore it is a choice. I can choose at any time to feel differently but it is based on my labels I have put on any one thing that will alter my decision.

No more labels. In any form.
Example:

Katrina at 6:30 AM

2007-01-23

Another day

and not a moment too soon. I’m watching the nights last light seep from the sky. happy to be at home with myself, grateful to be warm and surrounded by (I would like to put a positive word here but....all i can smell is incense...and I don't want to be weird) stuff.
I’ve cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, ordered for once all the objective confusion. I'm as ready as anyone ever gets for whatever comes next. It’s as good a moment as any for a belated farewell to yesterday (it left 7 hours ago), and all those other days I've lost this year.
As for today?
My wish for all of us: tomorrow will be less.

Katrina at 6:50 AM

2007-01-22

creative outlet answer.

If I consider a task too hard or too complicated, my beliefs will get in the way of my creativity, and I'll end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. Even if I manage to hit a creative zone, it will be unsustainable because I won’t recognize the validity of the ideas that come through.

When I feel a task is nearly impossible, it’s usually because the solution, if it exists, is way outside my comfort zone. These are the kinds of problems where my creative self will come up with solutions like "quit your job" or "murder your sister." The solutions may be perfectly valid, perhaps even brilliantly correct under the circumstances, but I'll be very resistant to accepting them.

baronness katrina of sealand.

Katrina at 8:51 PM

Chris Cunningham - Rubber Johnny

Ok, Don't watch if you creep out easily. This was creepy for even me.

Katrina at 6:15 AM

Memory Lame

I was looking at my belly just now. I was reminded of the time when I was silly and was riding down the hill on my sisters bike but she had pushed the grips on the handle bars right down and so the metal was exposed. The bike was too small as is. Anyways, the handle bars went all wonky and the front wheel turned sideways aiming the exposed metal at me. We fell but not before the bar left an inch deep circular wound. Its so weird but I can see a tiny lighter circle right above my belly button and I just can't believe its still there.
Im going to talk about injuries. My personal injuries, because I'm up way too early.
I stepped on a hibatchi when I was four. It was cool though because I got to pick a toy out of this box the doctor had. I went into shock so I don't remember much. I didn't walk for a while.
Ummm. what else. I have sprained my ankle so many times it's clearly fucked to look at. In fact I think I have sprained my ankle in the company of almost everyone I know. you would already know that and are probably laughing at me right now. all of you.
None of you know this one...I used to walk with my sister, for whoever, to get the paper from the ....paper holder? (what are those things called?) anyways she would put the money in and I would hold down the door because it was heavy and she would get the paper. Well, one day, nice person that I am, I decide to let my young sister hold the door while I got the paper. Low and be-fucking-hold she lets the door go with my thumb still in the worst place possible....the part that the metal hook locks into the hole. Yeah. I still can't grow a nail long enough for my thumb to look feminine.
In fact, my thumb looks like a toe.
I was backcatcher in grade two for t-ball. I was making fun of the boy I liked when he was up to bat and he turned around and hit me in the crotch with the bat. It bruised....and I had to show my mom...it wasn't cool at the time.
and. thats it. well thats all i can remember.
now im touching wood.

have a peachy one!

Katrina at 5:44 AM

Full.



There is so much life in this man.
http://atxu.deviantart.com/
I can't stop waking at the crack of dawns dawn. So, I was browsing some photography. I came across deviantart and found this picture. I think my eyes made love to it for about 20 mins.
I just want to know his story. That and I think he's wearing suspenders. I love it. The girl that owns them let me post them too! So that is the link ^ there.

Katrina at 5:14 AM

2007-01-21

rogue? is that you inside me?

Ok. I dislike doctors appointments. I went to the doctors on friday for your regular yearly fingering and breast molestation. They had some toys. As usual they were cold. Now, the problem is not with the idea behind making sure my cells are 'normal'. I am down with that but really, wheres the touch? I'm not asking to get off in the office but shit does it always have to feel like you are drilling for oil against my cervix? It's a bad sign when they offer you a pad 'incase of bleeding'. I think doctors should go through some sort of touch exam. The worst part is that for the past 2 years I've had women residences. fresh out of uni and being mature women you would think that they know a nice touch eases the process. Im going to paint a picture here for you people. I know you girls can relate:
Me, two women in white, 'can you bring your knees up as far as you can and just drop you legs please' (hahaha. CAN I!?), Ok, you may feel some pressure here, 'ow, I think you've pinched my skin', 'ahhh yes i see, sorry about that, you may bleed a bit there!', 'lovely'. Then they open you wider than the grand canyon and we wonder why we've created excersizes to keep that shit tight. I don't even think I can explain the breast exam besides the fact that I have two bruises and do they realize bruising can cause cancer. See, I just think the whole thing is bad and I really dislike it and unless they plan on cloning me with my cells I just don't see the point if I can't come out unscathed as is.
also, its kind of weird when they say 'well everything looks good down there!'. I just have no idea what a sick vagina looks like. Probably looks like a packed sinus cavity if theres a problem. Yes, Rogue and her touch of death took leave in my vagina and I bled like a bitch.
Maybe next year will be better.

Katrina at 1:54 PM

2007-01-19

Fast Food Freestyle

Katrina at 9:10 PM

leah update for those who aren't special enough for an actual email.

Miss TrinaBina
You are a dorkpot for not coming with me. It's so assbackwards here you'd be in your glory.
I miss you but only because you haven't jumped on a plane. I'll stop with the ever-so-loving guilt trip now....SO...here is my list of Korean Peculiarities (and more reasons why you needed to come with me teeheehee):
1) As I discovered yesterday while writing in my journal by the man-made lake (which they all are in seoul)...it is a very common trend to die your animals tails and ears...yesterday I saw a white dog with a pink tail and pink ears....dogs also own wardrobes that far exceed mine, and they also wear barrets and bows....
2) It is (as mentioned previously) very ok and encouraged to be a drunken business in a suit and tie passed out on the street, in a restaurant, standing up, sitting down etc etc.
3) Homosexuality is not discussed here and not very accepted in the culture but men, and also women, are very close and are always hand holding and hugging and touching regardless of gender.
4) People hork out their mouths instead of blowing their nose.
5) Korean women keep telling me they want to pluck my big eyes from me head and have them for their own.
6) It is very rude to stare in Korea...unless you are a foreigner then you get stared at all the time...and as Emily knows all to well...if you try and compete in a staring contest you will most certainly loose!
7) They don't like confrontation so they will elaborate the most insane lies to try and avoid it and just get themselves in more trouble.
8) it is bean pole and plastic surgery captial.
9) 3 people have died in the past 10 months at the amusement park across from my apartment but it still doens't close down...to boost sails after a death they have a "free ride" day which causes riots.
10) Toilets are never in the same building as the place you are. usually you have to walk a few buildings over...and they hang the toilet paper on the outside of the washroom so don't forget to grab it or you'll be squatting AND drip drying.
11) As soon as korean is born they are counted as being one year old, so all my children that are 6 here are actually 5 in Western terms.
12) The bars never close.
13) your washroom IS your shower...there are no seperate stalls
14) there are no dryers
15) They have nothing for a vegetarian...."vegetarian" means meat with vegetables
16) their idea of a coffee is two sips
17) Dvd bang (your own personal movie theatre with a bed and cushions) Norabang (your own personal kareokee room)
18) You can't drink unless you order food but if you pull the foreigner card out then you can get away with it. woot woot!
19) Korea feeds the ego because everyone constantly tells you how beautiful you are....
20) They have chemical storms at the end of March where yellow pollution sweeps across form China. At this time I will be joining the Korean population in wearing a mask.
21) at all their parks they have exercise equipment
22) Kimchi is their livelhihood
23) wearing your shoes into someones home is terrible and rude. (note to self)
24) it costs under 2 dollars to get smashed
25) You can get stuck in the doors of the subway and see your life flash before your eyes but no one will stop and help you (poor sarah)
26) So far, the winter has been insanley mild and enjoyable!
27) They love long hair
28) A korean woman can't move out of her home until she is married
29) if a couple seperates it is much more common for the man to raise the child.
30) Though not true about everyone, there is a superficiliaty among the korean staff I work with. EVERYTHING is about image.
31) Cars drive on the sidewalk....and tow trucks can run red lights and have flashing lights and sirens....hmmmm
32) People in Asia live to be alot older and you can never tell what age someone is because they tend to look so much younger then they actually are!
33) There's no such thing as "excuse me" and it's acceptable to push past people...also no such thing as "sorry"....still trying to get use to this
34) The children play a game where they try to stick their fingers up your bum.
35) Transportation is extremley cheap ( it cost me $45.00 to travel the entire span of the Country)

Yes, Indeedy-do. I love you. And everyone else too!
Leah

P.S. Does Eric still call you crying? LOL!
P.P.S. Put this in your blogger thing. I check it so I'll know.
-----------------------------------

haha. eric you have been busted and I didn't say a word. for everyone else. leah loves you, yes, indeedy do.

Katrina at 6:27 AM

woke up way to early.

I think when I hear people talk in a systematic tone all I hear is a buzz. It's annoying but sometimes I hear tones I like. Only when an emotion is conveyed though. I don't really hear the negative most of the time. Sometimes I am the negative though, or I humbly assume I am negative at times (I am not wrong in my assumptions). Can't be misguiding here. I let negative and selfish emotions get the best of me but I will boast when I say I hear about these things more often then I project them. Or maybe thats not true....(no lingering, moving on) The reason why I am not sure is because sometimes I feel I can't see inside the box. In the sense that I can sit with a friend and I can feel their energy and know if its positive or negative or sometimes from a look I can know exactly what that person is feeling or thinking (this is a fact, at least for my close friends but I think that comes naturally through connection). When I walk into a room full of people I am normally drawn to the person with the highest vibrations. I wiggle my way over and say hi but I cannot feel my own energy. I wonder if I can do something about that. To feel myself for exactly what I am exuding. Feel myself outside of myself. I don't mean to look at my practical situations in life from an outside perspective. I think that just happens as well, its the same as guessing to me though. It makes it easier to realize exactly what you may be portraying at that moment. I don't mean anything practical though. Im sure what Im talking about may not even be possible. Sum it up. I want to walk into a room and know how other people feel when that happens. Not in a 'OMG, its that loser trine' way. I don't care what they think. In that, are they drawn to that energy? (faceless, nameless, thoughtless, everything-less). Also, in meeting people who clearly reside on different wavelengths is it possible to find common ground with everyone? I have met some people that are so robotic. it's almost impossible to communicate with someone I can't feel with. About any issue. If we feel the same about toilet paper at least we could make jokes about it and go on from there but some people are just somewhere completely different from where I am, or vice versa. It's not a bad thing its just curious. So, I wonder how we relay energies with only certain people and less from other people. If I have high vibrations am I attracted to low vibrations, high or the same? I am just confused on how this works. Everything is energy. Energy in and energy out.
When I receive your energy it must leave somehow through an outlet and it must be different when it leaves. So if I obtain some good energy and I want to store it I must release my energy in its place. it doesnt go away and it doesnt disappear it just moves. I wonder if its like 6 degrees of energy where someone I played with in grade school passed it on and so on and so on and now someone in iran is cooking dinner with my recycled energy.....( does this make any sense?). I just want to know if I exude good energy. I just want to make people smile and I want to be a brick wall for others negativity and I want to relay positivity back. I just want to be a big smiling wall. unimpressionable and undistracted. I think I am better with that for strangers than people. Sometimes I think it would be cool to buy some good shoes and walk around connecting with people I'll never see again. Stop when Im tired and go to sleep. This came out as diarhea and I know it. I ramble.

Another thing I wonder if feeling gets old. I've talked about having to feel things instead of looking at things logically (obviously my naive opinion). When you overplay a video game or listen to a song to many times. I am worried that because I live to feel I may end up numb and cynical. I don't want to become cynical. Maybe I'll start thinking rationally more. Then I won't bury myself in things only I seem to understand. Mind you its a good way to root out bad energy. This is how my brain works..I'll show you... If I live to feel then I do not need to know it, I feel it. When I don't need to know I dont guess, when I don't guess I don't project and if I dont project I live in the moment, when I live in the moment I can accept and understand everything that is apparently reality for exactly its face value and I can feel content with that. If I do not it opens a big door in my soul that guesses forget to close and incomes the negativity. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. scary. Stick to logic? no. logic doesn't make any sense to me. sorry. ( i don't make sense as is)

'he who studies books will know how men should be and he who studies men will know how things are' - colton

make haste slowly today.
and try not to let anyone steal your sunshine...i mean if thats what you like.

Katrina at 5:13 AM

2007-01-18

still frame memories (that you wont remember)

tree (or is it?)
feet (or are they?)

Kate and James. (or James and Kate?)

Katrina at 7:01 PM

2007-01-17

I found it.

this brought back 3 memories.
1 is last summer. 2 is Leah. 3 is sauble beach.

I can dance like an elf on the petals of a rose, or laugh all by myself when I wear my laughing clothes. I can borrow the wings of a passing butterfly, or put a dragon to sleep with a dragon lullabye. For when you have imagination there is no barrier no wall, Oh with imagination I can do anything at all! They say I am of fancies woven and dream too many dreams. The world prefers the doers or so often it seems. For doers make the world go round and that of course is true, But oh for songs and fantasies the world needs dreamers too!

Katrina at 8:08 AM

2007-01-14

tell tale signs of an alcoholic



so I firmly(maybe squishly) believe that spending your birthday with a finger in your ass could be the ultimate.
Happy Birthday Nicky.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it.
(Or am I?)

Katrina at 3:39 PM

2007-01-12

Beat Box

Katrina at 9:44 PM

I'm the biggest loser I've ever met.

ok, I was just browsing through my past blogs. I think I have issues. Like, some serious deep seeded shit. I read them and I think I sound a few different ways.
a. like a moron
b. like maybe when I run myself a bath I should be cutting myself and running the warm water over my wounds. ( this is just a joke)
c. like maybe I am just a little off my rocker and sometimes even I can't relate to me.

I think the most probable answer is C. Problem is how the hell have I kept my friends? Seriously, you guys must be some awesome people to endure this kind of nutbar.

Thanks, you can go now.

Have a good day.

Katrina at 10:33 AM

2007-01-11

coincedence?

so, i went to pick up a cheque from one of the customers. when I was walking down the street, a man asked me if i knew where the galleria was. I told him about 6 blocks that way. he said thanks and carried on. ok so i go to the bank deposit that cheque and then i get on the 4 and go to white oaks. i took the highbury bus home but as we stop at dundas and highbury the same guy gets on the bus. i think to myself, oh thats never happened before. shrug it off. then i go home and sarah calls. so i head over to sarahs place and low and behold guess whos standing in the entrance to sarahs apt. the same damn junkie ive seen twice already. meanwhile, while im on the bus i thought to myself upon seeing him again 'wouldn't that be weird if i saw him 3 times' being as 3 is such a damn auspicious number for me. so when i see him i consider dropping dead because a. im sure i'd be going somewhere cool if this kind of stuff can happen as often as it does in my world. b. he could say that he strangely saw this chick 3 times in the same day and had no clue who she was and watched her drop dead (i see a god complex stemming from this one). c. why not?
so instead he says 'hey arent you that girl ive seen 2 times already today'. I say 'yes'. he says ' oh cool do you know (insert weird name here), he lives in this building and he has my drugs'. 'no sorry' 'oh well it was cool seeing you...im sure ill see you again..chuckles'.
now i know because of how my world works because he said he WOULD see me again that in fact he will not.
just a strange story i wanted to share.
im also going to start writing this stuff down because i swear everything is a string and i am just moving down the thread.


edit:5:14pm - pure morning just came on the radio. what is going on?

Katrina at 4:59 PM

I'm reminded of playing double dutch. or chinese jump rope. when I was young.
games.

Katrina at 2:12 AM

2007-01-10

13 things I haven't said to 13 different people

for various reasons, if even only because I haven't had the chance, or taken the chance
1) List 20 things that you want to say to people but never will
2) Don't say who the people are
3) Never discuss it again
(i don't agree with this rule because ultimately i'll end up telling you all, i really was sent this and thought it might be fun to make you guys guess....you know you all love to guess....)
---------------------------------------------

1. I've told you more than I have told all of my friends combined. You still know less about me then any single one of those friends.
2. You remind me of myself only in the past. I think you are in a transient stage right now but it will all come full circle eventually. You are a good good good kind of person.
3. You fucked on my bed while you were on your period. you could have at least flipped the mattress.
4. You make me feel like its cool to wear make-up, do my hair fancy and pick up men I'd normally avoid with a belly full of booze....and still have class when we wake up in the morning.
5. I used to think we'd travel together. I know now we always travelled alone.
6. You must take half the blame in my motions to be myself.
7. You are my mentor, my confidence, my brick wall of reality when i try to sway myself from the truth.
8. We spent months upon months hanging out. I never knew what a soul was until that night on the patio with countless coffee and cigarettes. One true friend as dramatic as you were sometimes.
9. You are an honest bitch and it hurts sometimes but I wouldn't have been able to take credit for half the compliments I get when helping others if it weren't for the ways you have helped me. If it weren't for the fact that you were beside me for most of my foibles they would have been regrets. Thanks for giving me a clear view and helping me deal with this dream of reality.
10. I am happy I met you because you seem to know exactly where I am coming from and if you don't you give me the craziest alternate angles to consider. Im glad you are from such another world. I needed you and you came at the perfect time.
11. You challenge my perception with things I don't understand. You give me a real world view and I like talking to you. you always seem to want to help me no matter what the circumstances. Thank you.
12. You keep things simple and taught me to learn by example. you remove the junk and always get to the real sap and it always helps me see the truth. I am so glad you are who you are to me. In this I can guarantee you won't float away.
13. You tell me things that seem like they come from my own head. I have no words to describe how crazy it has been to know you and the things I have collected from you surpass anything I can fully explain in a language of any kind. you are the epitome of good in my opinion and this comment is the only thing that has not been a laughing matter. I've never met anyone like you.

Katrina at 4:48 PM

what a strange little girl.

Pilgrims never cease to amaze me.
shots in the dark. bullets into light. immeasurable sacrifices completely obliterate any negative energy that may be buzzing around their bodies. they recite unknown words in the universe spoken through idioglossia as if spoken through the eyes of two autistic children. whispered motions through space so expanded there is no room for error. we err in not erring at all and so we do not. we sleep among the fallen leaves and ferns and did not notice our pillows as rocks with gentle hands resting under sleepy minds. the willows swaying in the breeze to the tune of forgotten time. waterfalls in veins and their tingling spines. gazes that seem to shoot out from the sun.
I watch the pilgrims, all unwinding like tired tumbleweeds.

--------
I think...
you are just acrobats in the psychic misdemeanor i call my history.
if you are a warrior, i think it means you live just above the moment the action will stop.
of course these fragments are incomplete, yet, so am i.
--------

the stars
like visible gods
inspire all eyes
like secret astrologers
giving meaning to the light
and brightening the dark
------
children run
down stairwells
as if the master
swingset awaits them
and though we think
they do not know
the wisest has
embraced them
-------

he spoke in tongues
he did not know
with god in his mouth
and gold in his eyes
that I did not speak his language
but when he dismissed himself
my stitches blew open
like a bomb in my ribcage
and everyone surrounding me
became a painting
of colours unexplainable
------------

I heard you coming after me
like cicadas on the telephone lines
I felt the streetlights
dancing on the roads
and i
kneeling down so low
in the middle of my room
felt it all dissolve
until all i could do
was smell you
from the other side
of the window.
----------
twenty six
after 5 a
dark
sparkle of the moon
sits on the sill
it knocks
it
off
the blade like
a paring.

Katrina at 3:29 AM

2007-01-09

the art of chess

She began to wait for his first move,not in chess, but in displaying something that would match her own feelings. twice she considered letting him win. She, young, felt the alpha had to make the first move. except in chess. where her strength lay in the opening. now, growing resentful of her self imposed submissiveness, she not only defended her position on the board, but tore agressively into his flanks, pushed her way past his pawns, seized his knights and took possession of his bishops. Once, she almost let him win. She went through with her plan during the opening, sacrificing four pawns, both knights and one castle. she felt like a fraud. In the end game she castled. exchanged a pawn in the eighth rank for a second queen, and fought like a demon to make up for early losses.
the game ended in a draw.

Katrina at 11:40 PM

I am looking for the idioglossia....

Katrina at 7:57 PM

we are
just murdering
moments
and travelling along
the mobius strip
of infinity
a bit of gin
and it all gets dark
you sink in your glass
to see your cheeks pressed
against the linoleum tiles
at the bottom
you bump into reason
as it slides
across the kitchen floor
suddenly you are
pushing up mushrooms
instead of daises
tinkerbell
is dancing on your grave
and you
quietly waltzing
with your vibrating mind

Katrina at 7:40 PM

2007-01-04

anne carson

after your death
it was windy every day
every day
opposed us like a wall
we went
shouting sideways at one another
along the road it was useless
the spaces between
us got hard they are
empty spaces yet they
are solid and black
and grievous as gaps
between the teeth
of an old woman you
knew years ago
when she was
beautiful the nerves
pouring around inside her
like a palace fire

Katrina at 7:38 PM

bronze age shaggin'


so, this is the gold 'conus' headdress fromt he bronze age.

I think it should be called the gold 'coitus' headdress from the bronze age.
you be the judge.

Katrina at 11:51 AM

on the hidden.

burning is no answer.

Katrina at 3:31 AM

this is the wind, this is the breeze..a ooooooooweeeee.

god is dead in the garden, dig for him there.

The world I know, by collective soul as some killer bongo in it right after the first bridge. Kind of holds it together. I didn't notice until last week and then forgot until I just put the song on. I love music. Just when I thought something was good. It gets GOODER! Hell yeah. I said that.

'it'll wrap you whole in time, now lets have a glass of wine.'

Katrina at 12:25 AM

Most guys have a problem with feeling. Most women have a problem with logic. Yin & Yang. It a naturistic sort of way.

In denial.

Katrina at 12:10 AM

2007-01-03

bad writing makes money?

Are you:
an entertaining, informed non-fiction freelance writer of au currant commentary and advice
a veteran journalist of print or electronic media building your online freelance writing portfolio
able to write pithy, ahead-of-the-curve freelance articles as an insider
prepared to title, promote, and interlink so search engines will find, rank, and recommend you
offering exclusive electronic rights to your writing for 1 year from publication and shared rights thereafter (freelance writers own copyright and all other rights)
clearing your calendar to write an article and a blog post per week, but, once addicted, will do more?If this perfectly describes you - aficionado, enthusiast, opinion-maker, citizen journalist, information junkie - and your freelance writing aspirations, check out Suite101.com's currently available Topics and tell us about yourself then:
send an email to apply@suite101.com naming the Topic(s) applied for in the subject line
share your experience, education, and freelance writing credentials in a resume and cover letter
include a one-sentence descriptive paragraph of your topic(s) and your first four articles
link to or include 2-4 published articles and/or blog posts
write a 200-word topic overview for your first choice using primary keywords
wait for the section editor to contact you with interview questions
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, call me narcissistic but I am going to go for it. They have the craziest topics to write about too. I kind became intrigued with the site this morning. What I like about this though is I can almost be guided in writing which may be half of the problem now. I am always asking people for a word to start me off or to give me a category. Way better than using parataxis and undescribing words to write about myself. This way I won't have to be so cryptic because I am not revealing my soul. I'll do it. The worst that will happen is they won't call. Which would be par for the course. I am not sure I have the credentials mentioned above. If I get high and do it I think I could write about the most passionate rainer maria rilke and convince them I know the answers to all. Or just submit some off the wall (like most things I know) topic like finding a comparison for locke and a lobster fishing mafioso off the coast of new brunswick.
OPA!

Katrina at 4:02 PM

2007-01-02

happy birthday

all to easy to zig....i find i should have zagged.

take every zig............
all your base are belong to us....

anyways. I am a quantum leap.
i am apparently ever changing.
i am awake although i should be sleeping.
i am alive although i should be.....cooking.

i refuse to stew in my own juices.

happy birthday yazan
i dont think you read this. i dont think you even come online....

i bought you something. i told you it was nothing big....
i'll buy you're coffee tonight when we meet...
until then...the rest is a surprise.

but...we need to watch more movies together because you are some funny shit.
i can't wait for home made falafels either. I love falafels.

so. i would like to talk about how my friend doesn't think that you should trust any man until she thinks he is worth it.
i think you should trust everyone until they give you a reason not to. after they prove you wrong, call it an investment.

i can't help but love.

:D

Katrina at 6:49 AM

2007-01-01

to do this year.

Smile more! Listen more intently. Watch a child discover something new. Do something totally silly ALL THE TIME! Take responsibility for all your actions. Make room for more new friends. Be free with compliments. Encourage someone every day. Tell people you love that you love them. Read. Call old friends. Have a cookout in the middle of winter. Be less critical of others. Volunteer for a good cause. Don't look for someone else to blame when you are unhappy. Learn from your everyday failures. worry less! Be quick to forgive others and learn to forgive yourself. Whatever you do, give it your best shot! Don't gossip. Accept help when it's offered. Bury your prejudices. Accept yourself for who you are. Treat yourself to something expensive or fattening occasionally! Learn a new dance. Be generous not only with money but with time. Challenge your body and your brain. Look at the big picture and don't sweat the small stuff! Watch the sunset and realize that just as no two sunsets are alike. Your moments are a unique and beautiful creation! Live your life this year in a way you can look back on it fondly and without regrets. Make this year a beginning to more years just like it...but somehow different.

Katrina at 5:05 PM

and this is my horoscope today

After a dinner of cold cereal and warm beer -- again -- you'll be just about ready to throw in the towel and admit what an utter failure your life has been. Drown your sorrows in more cold cereal and warm beer.

-thanks guys. sure know how to make a girl feel better.

Katrina at 3:41 PM

what am I... still learning...eternally.

people. they steal smiles. from other peoples happiness.
because almost none of us are truely happy..
so we feed off of others happiness
and smile fakely.
mostly if we can't relate
We like to pretend we can.
I wonder why we pretend we can't relate?
We like to think we are all the same and that we can see the person we are talking to for who they really are. Really, we've never seen anything behind their eyes. We know nothing behind their projecting personas. it's all such guesses. Guesses is my thing right now. about 6 months ago my thing was relations. I was obsessed with relating to each and every one of you. Now I have moved passed it in order to see that it is about perspective. I can't relate unless I agree with in your perspective. don't get me wrong, I love you. All of you. I think you are beautiful. I think you are 10 billion times more amusing than myself. I truely do love you.i think your biography is 10 billion times more amazing than mine. I just think that we should all stop trying.
We should all be out perplexing amazing selves. We should be each other and nothing simultaneously.


yazan,
I wish I could have brought you with me tonight. I made a 20 dollar tip just for letting some guy kiss my cheek....you could have gotten some. mwah!

i hung out with....matt.....roman....tova.....rang in the new years with an old man and roman....I have no idea who either of them are....

I feel more sad then I can possibly explain right now...
i hav ebooze I hope on the 1st someone will get tanked with me and help me feel better ( guess thats what it takes....I know you can talk me out of it)

Love, Katrina

Katrina at 4:39 AM



Namaste

2007-01-31

hi.

'A random waft of jasmine makes you nostalgic for places you've never been, people you don't know and a life you never lived. Close your eyes and breath deep -- yeah, they had it good.'

I feel like that alot.
Im a horoscope junkie. I need an intervention. Horoscopes are dumb.
I had something to write about before I logged in and now I forget what it was.
I tried telling James about the things I think about. He asked.
Another person down!
They never understand. I think it's my fault though because I can't explain myself for shit. He kept asking questions. I like that because normally I don't volunteer information. seems too chatty or something. Like I want you to know everything and think im sooooo awesome. I'd rather not explain the details. It just seems insincere because perhaps you won't see it that way and then I look like a fraud or something. I could just show you from example. You could all watch me do my laundry and then think 'oh, she really does shake out the clothes before she puts them in the dryer to save on wrinkles and twists'. See, if I tell you that it just seems weird. If you see it, it may seem obsessive complusive....lol...I think I would rather that. It's the most honest.
Anyways, he kept asking questions, and confusing himself and I didnt aid that situation. I just changed the topic because clearly we are not on the same page. It's my problem, I relate to barely anyone besides a select few.
I am going to see the tragically hip next monday. I'm kinda happy about that. I love the hip.
nothing to say.
bye. and good day.

Katrina at 6:14 AM

2007-01-29

Salad Fingers 5

I forgot about this.

Katrina at 10:39 AM

hahaha!

You scored as Cynicism. You are a Cynic. You question social norms, even challenge it, and feel that man's main nature is towards self interest. You strive to be a free thinker.

Cynicism

92%

Platonist

83%

Skeptic

67%

Idealism

67%

Empiricism

58%

Stoic

33%

Aristotelian

33%

Sophism

17%

What Philosophical School do you belong to?
created with QuizFarm.com

Katrina at 9:18 AM

2007-01-28

thats a negatory. 10-4 copy.

Angry things you say will hurt you more than they hurt me.
I believe you cannot war with the unarmed.
You will only fight yourself.
I am weaponless and open armed.
I am uncapable of warring over such trivial things.
Everyone be themselves today and let's see what can be accomplished.
We could build an empire.
or destroy one.
Your choice.
I'm not here to fight.

Katrina at 9:34 AM

2007-01-27

Must every emotion involve a disturbance?

So, this is from marvin minskys book, 'the emotion machine':

'For, ‘look at’ suppresses your questions about the systems that choose how you move your eyes. Then, ‘object’ diverts you from asking how your visual systems partition a scene into various patches of color and texture—and then assign them to different ‘things.’ Similarly, ‘see what it is’ serves to keep you from asking how that recognition relates to other things that you’ve seen in the past.'

The whole book is fairly easy stuff to comprehend. I call that whole paragraph labelling. It kills the jargon. Jargon is a little hard to absorb for some people. One word is good for me. This is the harder part though because I am trying not to label things but in order to not think about things so much I like to label. In order to explain how I feel about things I also like to label. It makes it easier to explain myself. Rather than going off on a tangent explaining to you every little detail of how I came to a conclusion. I guess what I want to do is label everything for what it is at that moment instead of labelling something to another thing from the past.

I've said label so much it sounds and looks funny.

on coming to a conclusion....

'Reaction: Joan reacted quickly to that sound.
Identification: She recognized it as being a sound.
Characterization: She classified it as the sound of a car.
Attention: She noticed certain things rather than others.
Imagining: She envisioned two or more possible futures.
Indecision: She wondered whether to cross or retreat.
Decision: She chose one of several alternative actions.
Recollection: She retrieved descriptions of prior events.
Reconsideration: Later she reconsidered this choice.
Selection: She selected a way to choose among options.
Apprehension: She was uneasy about arriving late.
Planning: She constructed a multi-step action-plan.
Embodiment: She tried to describe her body's condition.
Emotion: She changed major parts of her mental state.
Representation: She interconnected a set of descriptions.
Language: She constructed several verbal expressions.
Narration: She heard them as dialogs in her mind.
Anticipation: She expected certain future condition.
Intention: She changed some of her goals’ priorities.
Reasoning: She made various kinds of inferences.
Reflection: She thought about what she’s recently done.Self-Reflection: She reflected on her recent thoughts.
Empathy: She imagined other persons’ thoughts.
Moral Reflection: She evaluated what she has done.
Self-Imaging: She made and used models of herself.
Self-Awareness: She characterized her mental condition.
Sense of Identity: She regarded herself as an entity.'

If in order to un-condition (good luck) myself. Become in every sense of the word a 'free thinker'. I would have to stop doing all of that. It happens so fast how the hell am I supposed to not? I don't even notice it happening. Mind you, some of those things above I am seriously hoping I don't do but I suppose I can't be silly and place myself above anything. Including poop.

The book isn't that intriguing really, but it did put something into perspective for me. He tends to put feelings on the back shelf and explain them through logic and I can't stand that. He did ask a good question though and that was 'must every emotion involve a disturbance'.
I think I now see that the reason I feel so much about everything could actually be because I am constantly disturbed by things around me. I don't see much that revolves around me as making too much sense besides order in chaos. I do tend to let it plague me.

It reminded me of being very young. I have only come across one person who remembers this sort of incident and feels the same way. So, if you don't understand then don't worry about it. I rememeber the first boy who had a crush on me when I was probably about 4 or 5. We were playing in the park near my house and he pushed me on the slide and kept trying to kiss me. I remember feeling so sick and nervous and utterly out of my element. I could not describe the feeling and to this day I remember it clearly and I still can't describe the feeling. It never happened again after that. I do know that after that moment I began questioning sex and life in general. Even if only internally for a long time. So this question I do want to look into because I am wondering if the reason why feel so much is due to generally having a life of disturbances. Learning from experience and watching others experience terrible things rather than books. Actually having to watch others pain and my own pain and over thinking due to such things. Trying to figure out how to make things 'better' all the time. Thinking things used to be so bad all the time.
Anyways, I really love that question and I will be watching what happens within myself.
I've asked it, I am sure I will live out the answer.

I need therapy.

Katrina at 3:13 PM

Drinking & Writing

Katrina at 2:57 PM

r & r

I bought some of those HUGE sticks of incense from high times yesterday. I think one can burn for about 6 hours before your either dead from smoke inhalation or it burns out. This one has been burning since 10 o'clock this morning and it is still going strong. Only half burned away. I don't know what scent it is but it's alright. I also bought another incense that is named in a language I don't understand but it's made of resin and the smoke really billows and it's very very strong. I really like it though.
I think my body wants to declare mutiny against my non-body.
We haven't been very nice to her lately.
I was looking into dowsing. Not for water but to see about bad/bound energy in the body. I was reading about it. I am not positive whether or not it's the best way to go about that exactly. But, I'll try anything twice so I will do that today. All in all I think it's a 'chill the fuck out trine' saturday. I have done nothing but work and get myself into trouble for the past 2 months and I think I'm finally tired. So, a good bath, some dowsing, some new incense (if it doesnt kill me), a long journal entry and a good meal is in order today.
My sister is gone for the weekend.
My mother is gone for the weekend.
I am sober.
I am in chill mode.
Good weekend.

Katrina at 12:59 PM

2007-01-26

'any stigma will beat a dogma'

Katrina at 9:13 PM

2007-01-25

woo

at least jack white knows what the fuck I talk about. the lyrics to level by the raconteurs says so.
My baby's on the level
And I try to read her mind
She's on the straight and narrow
I'm guessin' all the time
And I can't see the road
If I'm lookin' at the signs
I'm carryin' the load
And steppin' outta line
hooray for jack white!

Katrina at 11:00 AM

DUDE IN THE ORANGE!!!!

whoa.

Katrina at 9:10 AM

Muhammad My Friend -Tori Amos & Maynard James Keenan

Katrina at 5:53 AM

Tori Amos - Smells like teen spirit

She gives this a whole new meaning.

Katrina at 3:39 AM

cibelle ft. devendra banhart

I don't know why i love this so much.

Katrina at 3:19 AM

2007-01-24

e-thought central.

theres a saying that goes:
if you give people too much rope they will hang themselves.

I was thinking. I came to no conclusion as usual. I think that when I use facts and things to figure out things going on around me I only label things. Kind of like seeing the symptoms of a cold instead of the cold itself. Like, we have this situation regarding whatever it may and I am linking this and that to a name. call it something silly like happiness. I relate happiness to when I feel good about myself and my surroundings. I am only labelling the things I have experienced to new experiences. I would say this is not a good thing. I would think this only causes reasons to carry bags and bags and bags.
This is a thought I can't express.

Another thought,
You cannot feel opposite emotions at the same time (i think). I mean in any one situation. I can only feel what I feel at one moment and cannot feel two ways at the same time. So when I am feeling war vs. peace I cannot love the person I am shooting (bad one).
Therefore it is a choice. I can choose at any time to feel differently but it is based on my labels I have put on any one thing that will alter my decision.

No more labels. In any form.
Example:

Katrina at 6:30 AM

2007-01-23

Another day

and not a moment too soon. I’m watching the nights last light seep from the sky. happy to be at home with myself, grateful to be warm and surrounded by (I would like to put a positive word here but....all i can smell is incense...and I don't want to be weird) stuff.
I’ve cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, ordered for once all the objective confusion. I'm as ready as anyone ever gets for whatever comes next. It’s as good a moment as any for a belated farewell to yesterday (it left 7 hours ago), and all those other days I've lost this year.
As for today?
My wish for all of us: tomorrow will be less.

Katrina at 6:50 AM

2007-01-22

creative outlet answer.

If I consider a task too hard or too complicated, my beliefs will get in the way of my creativity, and I'll end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. Even if I manage to hit a creative zone, it will be unsustainable because I won’t recognize the validity of the ideas that come through.

When I feel a task is nearly impossible, it’s usually because the solution, if it exists, is way outside my comfort zone. These are the kinds of problems where my creative self will come up with solutions like "quit your job" or "murder your sister." The solutions may be perfectly valid, perhaps even brilliantly correct under the circumstances, but I'll be very resistant to accepting them.

baronness katrina of sealand.

Katrina at 8:51 PM

Chris Cunningham - Rubber Johnny

Ok, Don't watch if you creep out easily. This was creepy for even me.

Katrina at 6:15 AM

Memory Lame

I was looking at my belly just now. I was reminded of the time when I was silly and was riding down the hill on my sisters bike but she had pushed the grips on the handle bars right down and so the metal was exposed. The bike was too small as is. Anyways, the handle bars went all wonky and the front wheel turned sideways aiming the exposed metal at me. We fell but not before the bar left an inch deep circular wound. Its so weird but I can see a tiny lighter circle right above my belly button and I just can't believe its still there.
Im going to talk about injuries. My personal injuries, because I'm up way too early.
I stepped on a hibatchi when I was four. It was cool though because I got to pick a toy out of this box the doctor had. I went into shock so I don't remember much. I didn't walk for a while.
Ummm. what else. I have sprained my ankle so many times it's clearly fucked to look at. In fact I think I have sprained my ankle in the company of almost everyone I know. you would already know that and are probably laughing at me right now. all of you.
None of you know this one...I used to walk with my sister, for whoever, to get the paper from the ....paper holder? (what are those things called?) anyways she would put the money in and I would hold down the door because it was heavy and she would get the paper. Well, one day, nice person that I am, I decide to let my young sister hold the door while I got the paper. Low and be-fucking-hold she lets the door go with my thumb still in the worst place possible....the part that the metal hook locks into the hole. Yeah. I still can't grow a nail long enough for my thumb to look feminine.
In fact, my thumb looks like a toe.
I was backcatcher in grade two for t-ball. I was making fun of the boy I liked when he was up to bat and he turned around and hit me in the crotch with the bat. It bruised....and I had to show my mom...it wasn't cool at the time.
and. thats it. well thats all i can remember.
now im touching wood.

have a peachy one!

Katrina at 5:44 AM

Full.



There is so much life in this man.
http://atxu.deviantart.com/
I can't stop waking at the crack of dawns dawn. So, I was browsing some photography. I came across deviantart and found this picture. I think my eyes made love to it for about 20 mins.
I just want to know his story. That and I think he's wearing suspenders. I love it. The girl that owns them let me post them too! So that is the link ^ there.

Katrina at 5:14 AM

2007-01-21

rogue? is that you inside me?

Ok. I dislike doctors appointments. I went to the doctors on friday for your regular yearly fingering and breast molestation. They had some toys. As usual they were cold. Now, the problem is not with the idea behind making sure my cells are 'normal'. I am down with that but really, wheres the touch? I'm not asking to get off in the office but shit does it always have to feel like you are drilling for oil against my cervix? It's a bad sign when they offer you a pad 'incase of bleeding'. I think doctors should go through some sort of touch exam. The worst part is that for the past 2 years I've had women residences. fresh out of uni and being mature women you would think that they know a nice touch eases the process. Im going to paint a picture here for you people. I know you girls can relate:
Me, two women in white, 'can you bring your knees up as far as you can and just drop you legs please' (hahaha. CAN I!?), Ok, you may feel some pressure here, 'ow, I think you've pinched my skin', 'ahhh yes i see, sorry about that, you may bleed a bit there!', 'lovely'. Then they open you wider than the grand canyon and we wonder why we've created excersizes to keep that shit tight. I don't even think I can explain the breast exam besides the fact that I have two bruises and do they realize bruising can cause cancer. See, I just think the whole thing is bad and I really dislike it and unless they plan on cloning me with my cells I just don't see the point if I can't come out unscathed as is.
also, its kind of weird when they say 'well everything looks good down there!'. I just have no idea what a sick vagina looks like. Probably looks like a packed sinus cavity if theres a problem. Yes, Rogue and her touch of death took leave in my vagina and I bled like a bitch.
Maybe next year will be better.

Katrina at 1:54 PM

2007-01-19

Fast Food Freestyle

Katrina at 9:10 PM

leah update for those who aren't special enough for an actual email.

Miss TrinaBina
You are a dorkpot for not coming with me. It's so assbackwards here you'd be in your glory.
I miss you but only because you haven't jumped on a plane. I'll stop with the ever-so-loving guilt trip now....SO...here is my list of Korean Peculiarities (and more reasons why you needed to come with me teeheehee):
1) As I discovered yesterday while writing in my journal by the man-made lake (which they all are in seoul)...it is a very common trend to die your animals tails and ears...yesterday I saw a white dog with a pink tail and pink ears....dogs also own wardrobes that far exceed mine, and they also wear barrets and bows....
2) It is (as mentioned previously) very ok and encouraged to be a drunken business in a suit and tie passed out on the street, in a restaurant, standing up, sitting down etc etc.
3) Homosexuality is not discussed here and not very accepted in the culture but men, and also women, are very close and are always hand holding and hugging and touching regardless of gender.
4) People hork out their mouths instead of blowing their nose.
5) Korean women keep telling me they want to pluck my big eyes from me head and have them for their own.
6) It is very rude to stare in Korea...unless you are a foreigner then you get stared at all the time...and as Emily knows all to well...if you try and compete in a staring contest you will most certainly loose!
7) They don't like confrontation so they will elaborate the most insane lies to try and avoid it and just get themselves in more trouble.
8) it is bean pole and plastic surgery captial.
9) 3 people have died in the past 10 months at the amusement park across from my apartment but it still doens't close down...to boost sails after a death they have a "free ride" day which causes riots.
10) Toilets are never in the same building as the place you are. usually you have to walk a few buildings over...and they hang the toilet paper on the outside of the washroom so don't forget to grab it or you'll be squatting AND drip drying.
11) As soon as korean is born they are counted as being one year old, so all my children that are 6 here are actually 5 in Western terms.
12) The bars never close.
13) your washroom IS your shower...there are no seperate stalls
14) there are no dryers
15) They have nothing for a vegetarian...."vegetarian" means meat with vegetables
16) their idea of a coffee is two sips
17) Dvd bang (your own personal movie theatre with a bed and cushions) Norabang (your own personal kareokee room)
18) You can't drink unless you order food but if you pull the foreigner card out then you can get away with it. woot woot!
19) Korea feeds the ego because everyone constantly tells you how beautiful you are....
20) They have chemical storms at the end of March where yellow pollution sweeps across form China. At this time I will be joining the Korean population in wearing a mask.
21) at all their parks they have exercise equipment
22) Kimchi is their livelhihood
23) wearing your shoes into someones home is terrible and rude. (note to self)
24) it costs under 2 dollars to get smashed
25) You can get stuck in the doors of the subway and see your life flash before your eyes but no one will stop and help you (poor sarah)
26) So far, the winter has been insanley mild and enjoyable!
27) They love long hair
28) A korean woman can't move out of her home until she is married
29) if a couple seperates it is much more common for the man to raise the child.
30) Though not true about everyone, there is a superficiliaty among the korean staff I work with. EVERYTHING is about image.
31) Cars drive on the sidewalk....and tow trucks can run red lights and have flashing lights and sirens....hmmmm
32) People in Asia live to be alot older and you can never tell what age someone is because they tend to look so much younger then they actually are!
33) There's no such thing as "excuse me" and it's acceptable to push past people...also no such thing as "sorry"....still trying to get use to this
34) The children play a game where they try to stick their fingers up your bum.
35) Transportation is extremley cheap ( it cost me $45.00 to travel the entire span of the Country)

Yes, Indeedy-do. I love you. And everyone else too!
Leah

P.S. Does Eric still call you crying? LOL!
P.P.S. Put this in your blogger thing. I check it so I'll know.
-----------------------------------

haha. eric you have been busted and I didn't say a word. for everyone else. leah loves you, yes, indeedy do.

Katrina at 6:27 AM

woke up way to early.

I think when I hear people talk in a systematic tone all I hear is a buzz. It's annoying but sometimes I hear tones I like. Only when an emotion is conveyed though. I don't really hear the negative most of the time. Sometimes I am the negative though, or I humbly assume I am negative at times (I am not wrong in my assumptions). Can't be misguiding here. I let negative and selfish emotions get the best of me but I will boast when I say I hear about these things more often then I project them. Or maybe thats not true....(no lingering, moving on) The reason why I am not sure is because sometimes I feel I can't see inside the box. In the sense that I can sit with a friend and I can feel their energy and know if its positive or negative or sometimes from a look I can know exactly what that person is feeling or thinking (this is a fact, at least for my close friends but I think that comes naturally through connection). When I walk into a room full of people I am normally drawn to the person with the highest vibrations. I wiggle my way over and say hi but I cannot feel my own energy. I wonder if I can do something about that. To feel myself for exactly what I am exuding. Feel myself outside of myself. I don't mean to look at my practical situations in life from an outside perspective. I think that just happens as well, its the same as guessing to me though. It makes it easier to realize exactly what you may be portraying at that moment. I don't mean anything practical though. Im sure what Im talking about may not even be possible. Sum it up. I want to walk into a room and know how other people feel when that happens. Not in a 'OMG, its that loser trine' way. I don't care what they think. In that, are they drawn to that energy? (faceless, nameless, thoughtless, everything-less). Also, in meeting people who clearly reside on different wavelengths is it possible to find common ground with everyone? I have met some people that are so robotic. it's almost impossible to communicate with someone I can't feel with. About any issue. If we feel the same about toilet paper at least we could make jokes about it and go on from there but some people are just somewhere completely different from where I am, or vice versa. It's not a bad thing its just curious. So, I wonder how we relay energies with only certain people and less from other people. If I have high vibrations am I attracted to low vibrations, high or the same? I am just confused on how this works. Everything is energy. Energy in and energy out.
When I receive your energy it must leave somehow through an outlet and it must be different when it leaves. So if I obtain some good energy and I want to store it I must release my energy in its place. it doesnt go away and it doesnt disappear it just moves. I wonder if its like 6 degrees of energy where someone I played with in grade school passed it on and so on and so on and now someone in iran is cooking dinner with my recycled energy.....( does this make any sense?). I just want to know if I exude good energy. I just want to make people smile and I want to be a brick wall for others negativity and I want to relay positivity back. I just want to be a big smiling wall. unimpressionable and undistracted. I think I am better with that for strangers than people. Sometimes I think it would be cool to buy some good shoes and walk around connecting with people I'll never see again. Stop when Im tired and go to sleep. This came out as diarhea and I know it. I ramble.

Another thing I wonder if feeling gets old. I've talked about having to feel things instead of looking at things logically (obviously my naive opinion). When you overplay a video game or listen to a song to many times. I am worried that because I live to feel I may end up numb and cynical. I don't want to become cynical. Maybe I'll start thinking rationally more. Then I won't bury myself in things only I seem to understand. Mind you its a good way to root out bad energy. This is how my brain works..I'll show you... If I live to feel then I do not need to know it, I feel it. When I don't need to know I dont guess, when I don't guess I don't project and if I dont project I live in the moment, when I live in the moment I can accept and understand everything that is apparently reality for exactly its face value and I can feel content with that. If I do not it opens a big door in my soul that guesses forget to close and incomes the negativity. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. scary. Stick to logic? no. logic doesn't make any sense to me. sorry. ( i don't make sense as is)

'he who studies books will know how men should be and he who studies men will know how things are' - colton

make haste slowly today.
and try not to let anyone steal your sunshine...i mean if thats what you like.

Katrina at 5:13 AM

2007-01-18

still frame memories (that you wont remember)

tree (or is it?)
feet (or are they?)

Kate and James. (or James and Kate?)

Katrina at 7:01 PM

2007-01-17

I found it.

this brought back 3 memories.
1 is last summer. 2 is Leah. 3 is sauble beach.

I can dance like an elf on the petals of a rose, or laugh all by myself when I wear my laughing clothes. I can borrow the wings of a passing butterfly, or put a dragon to sleep with a dragon lullabye. For when you have imagination there is no barrier no wall, Oh with imagination I can do anything at all! They say I am of fancies woven and dream too many dreams. The world prefers the doers or so often it seems. For doers make the world go round and that of course is true, But oh for songs and fantasies the world needs dreamers too!

Katrina at 8:08 AM

2007-01-14

tell tale signs of an alcoholic



so I firmly(maybe squishly) believe that spending your birthday with a finger in your ass could be the ultimate.
Happy Birthday Nicky.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it.
(Or am I?)

Katrina at 3:39 PM

2007-01-12

Beat Box

Katrina at 9:44 PM

I'm the biggest loser I've ever met.

ok, I was just browsing through my past blogs. I think I have issues. Like, some serious deep seeded shit. I read them and I think I sound a few different ways.
a. like a moron
b. like maybe when I run myself a bath I should be cutting myself and running the warm water over my wounds. ( this is just a joke)
c. like maybe I am just a little off my rocker and sometimes even I can't relate to me.

I think the most probable answer is C. Problem is how the hell have I kept my friends? Seriously, you guys must be some awesome people to endure this kind of nutbar.

Thanks, you can go now.

Have a good day.

Katrina at 10:33 AM

2007-01-11

coincedence?

so, i went to pick up a cheque from one of the customers. when I was walking down the street, a man asked me if i knew where the galleria was. I told him about 6 blocks that way. he said thanks and carried on. ok so i go to the bank deposit that cheque and then i get on the 4 and go to white oaks. i took the highbury bus home but as we stop at dundas and highbury the same guy gets on the bus. i think to myself, oh thats never happened before. shrug it off. then i go home and sarah calls. so i head over to sarahs place and low and behold guess whos standing in the entrance to sarahs apt. the same damn junkie ive seen twice already. meanwhile, while im on the bus i thought to myself upon seeing him again 'wouldn't that be weird if i saw him 3 times' being as 3 is such a damn auspicious number for me. so when i see him i consider dropping dead because a. im sure i'd be going somewhere cool if this kind of stuff can happen as often as it does in my world. b. he could say that he strangely saw this chick 3 times in the same day and had no clue who she was and watched her drop dead (i see a god complex stemming from this one). c. why not?
so instead he says 'hey arent you that girl ive seen 2 times already today'. I say 'yes'. he says ' oh cool do you know (insert weird name here), he lives in this building and he has my drugs'. 'no sorry' 'oh well it was cool seeing you...im sure ill see you again..chuckles'.
now i know because of how my world works because he said he WOULD see me again that in fact he will not.
just a strange story i wanted to share.
im also going to start writing this stuff down because i swear everything is a string and i am just moving down the thread.


edit:5:14pm - pure morning just came on the radio. what is going on?

Katrina at 4:59 PM

I'm reminded of playing double dutch. or chinese jump rope. when I was young.
games.

Katrina at 2:12 AM

2007-01-10

13 things I haven't said to 13 different people

for various reasons, if even only because I haven't had the chance, or taken the chance
1) List 20 things that you want to say to people but never will
2) Don't say who the people are
3) Never discuss it again
(i don't agree with this rule because ultimately i'll end up telling you all, i really was sent this and thought it might be fun to make you guys guess....you know you all love to guess....)
---------------------------------------------

1. I've told you more than I have told all of my friends combined. You still know less about me then any single one of those friends.
2. You remind me of myself only in the past. I think you are in a transient stage right now but it will all come full circle eventually. You are a good good good kind of person.
3. You fucked on my bed while you were on your period. you could have at least flipped the mattress.
4. You make me feel like its cool to wear make-up, do my hair fancy and pick up men I'd normally avoid with a belly full of booze....and still have class when we wake up in the morning.
5. I used to think we'd travel together. I know now we always travelled alone.
6. You must take half the blame in my motions to be myself.
7. You are my mentor, my confidence, my brick wall of reality when i try to sway myself from the truth.
8. We spent months upon months hanging out. I never knew what a soul was until that night on the patio with countless coffee and cigarettes. One true friend as dramatic as you were sometimes.
9. You are an honest bitch and it hurts sometimes but I wouldn't have been able to take credit for half the compliments I get when helping others if it weren't for the ways you have helped me. If it weren't for the fact that you were beside me for most of my foibles they would have been regrets. Thanks for giving me a clear view and helping me deal with this dream of reality.
10. I am happy I met you because you seem to know exactly where I am coming from and if you don't you give me the craziest alternate angles to consider. Im glad you are from such another world. I needed you and you came at the perfect time.
11. You challenge my perception with things I don't understand. You give me a real world view and I like talking to you. you always seem to want to help me no matter what the circumstances. Thank you.
12. You keep things simple and taught me to learn by example. you remove the junk and always get to the real sap and it always helps me see the truth. I am so glad you are who you are to me. In this I can guarantee you won't float away.
13. You tell me things that seem like they come from my own head. I have no words to describe how crazy it has been to know you and the things I have collected from you surpass anything I can fully explain in a language of any kind. you are the epitome of good in my opinion and this comment is the only thing that has not been a laughing matter. I've never met anyone like you.

Katrina at 4:48 PM

what a strange little girl.

Pilgrims never cease to amaze me.
shots in the dark. bullets into light. immeasurable sacrifices completely obliterate any negative energy that may be buzzing around their bodies. they recite unknown words in the universe spoken through idioglossia as if spoken through the eyes of two autistic children. whispered motions through space so expanded there is no room for error. we err in not erring at all and so we do not. we sleep among the fallen leaves and ferns and did not notice our pillows as rocks with gentle hands resting under sleepy minds. the willows swaying in the breeze to the tune of forgotten time. waterfalls in veins and their tingling spines. gazes that seem to shoot out from the sun.
I watch the pilgrims, all unwinding like tired tumbleweeds.

--------
I think...
you are just acrobats in the psychic misdemeanor i call my history.
if you are a warrior, i think it means you live just above the moment the action will stop.
of course these fragments are incomplete, yet, so am i.
--------

the stars
like visible gods
inspire all eyes
like secret astrologers
giving meaning to the light
and brightening the dark
------
children run
down stairwells
as if the master
swingset awaits them
and though we think
they do not know
the wisest has
embraced them
-------

he spoke in tongues
he did not know
with god in his mouth
and gold in his eyes
that I did not speak his language
but when he dismissed himself
my stitches blew open
like a bomb in my ribcage
and everyone surrounding me
became a painting
of colours unexplainable
------------

I heard you coming after me
like cicadas on the telephone lines
I felt the streetlights
dancing on the roads
and i
kneeling down so low
in the middle of my room
felt it all dissolve
until all i could do
was smell you
from the other side
of the window.
----------
twenty six
after 5 a
dark
sparkle of the moon
sits on the sill
it knocks
it
off
the blade like
a paring.

Katrina at 3:29 AM

2007-01-09

the art of chess

She began to wait for his first move,not in chess, but in displaying something that would match her own feelings. twice she considered letting him win. She, young, felt the alpha had to make the first move. except in chess. where her strength lay in the opening. now, growing resentful of her self imposed submissiveness, she not only defended her position on the board, but tore agressively into his flanks, pushed her way past his pawns, seized his knights and took possession of his bishops. Once, she almost let him win. She went through with her plan during the opening, sacrificing four pawns, both knights and one castle. she felt like a fraud. In the end game she castled. exchanged a pawn in the eighth rank for a second queen, and fought like a demon to make up for early losses.
the game ended in a draw.

Katrina at 11:40 PM

I am looking for the idioglossia....

Katrina at 7:57 PM

we are
just murdering
moments
and travelling along
the mobius strip
of infinity
a bit of gin
and it all gets dark
you sink in your glass
to see your cheeks pressed
against the linoleum tiles
at the bottom
you bump into reason
as it slides
across the kitchen floor
suddenly you are
pushing up mushrooms
instead of daises
tinkerbell
is dancing on your grave
and you
quietly waltzing
with your vibrating mind

Katrina at 7:40 PM

2007-01-04

anne carson

after your death
it was windy every day
every day
opposed us like a wall
we went
shouting sideways at one another
along the road it was useless
the spaces between
us got hard they are
empty spaces yet they
are solid and black
and grievous as gaps
between the teeth
of an old woman you
knew years ago
when she was
beautiful the nerves
pouring around inside her
like a palace fire

Katrina at 7:38 PM

bronze age shaggin'


so, this is the gold 'conus' headdress fromt he bronze age.

I think it should be called the gold 'coitus' headdress from the bronze age.
you be the judge.

Katrina at 11:51 AM

on the hidden.

burning is no answer.

Katrina at 3:31 AM

this is the wind, this is the breeze..a ooooooooweeeee.

god is dead in the garden, dig for him there.

The world I know, by collective soul as some killer bongo in it right after the first bridge. Kind of holds it together. I didn't notice until last week and then forgot until I just put the song on. I love music. Just when I thought something was good. It gets GOODER! Hell yeah. I said that.

'it'll wrap you whole in time, now lets have a glass of wine.'

Katrina at 12:25 AM

Most guys have a problem with feeling. Most women have a problem with logic. Yin & Yang. It a naturistic sort of way.

In denial.

Katrina at 12:10 AM

2007-01-03

bad writing makes money?

Are you:
an entertaining, informed non-fiction freelance writer of au currant commentary and advice
a veteran journalist of print or electronic media building your online freelance writing portfolio
able to write pithy, ahead-of-the-curve freelance articles as an insider
prepared to title, promote, and interlink so search engines will find, rank, and recommend you
offering exclusive electronic rights to your writing for 1 year from publication and shared rights thereafter (freelance writers own copyright and all other rights)
clearing your calendar to write an article and a blog post per week, but, once addicted, will do more?If this perfectly describes you - aficionado, enthusiast, opinion-maker, citizen journalist, information junkie - and your freelance writing aspirations, check out Suite101.com's currently available Topics and tell us about yourself then:
send an email to apply@suite101.com naming the Topic(s) applied for in the subject line
share your experience, education, and freelance writing credentials in a resume and cover letter
include a one-sentence descriptive paragraph of your topic(s) and your first four articles
link to or include 2-4 published articles and/or blog posts
write a 200-word topic overview for your first choice using primary keywords
wait for the section editor to contact you with interview questions
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, call me narcissistic but I am going to go for it. They have the craziest topics to write about too. I kind became intrigued with the site this morning. What I like about this though is I can almost be guided in writing which may be half of the problem now. I am always asking people for a word to start me off or to give me a category. Way better than using parataxis and undescribing words to write about myself. This way I won't have to be so cryptic because I am not revealing my soul. I'll do it. The worst that will happen is they won't call. Which would be par for the course. I am not sure I have the credentials mentioned above. If I get high and do it I think I could write about the most passionate rainer maria rilke and convince them I know the answers to all. Or just submit some off the wall (like most things I know) topic like finding a comparison for locke and a lobster fishing mafioso off the coast of new brunswick.
OPA!

Katrina at 4:02 PM

2007-01-02

happy birthday

all to easy to zig....i find i should have zagged.

take every zig............
all your base are belong to us....

anyways. I am a quantum leap.
i am apparently ever changing.
i am awake although i should be sleeping.
i am alive although i should be.....cooking.

i refuse to stew in my own juices.

happy birthday yazan
i dont think you read this. i dont think you even come online....

i bought you something. i told you it was nothing big....
i'll buy you're coffee tonight when we meet...
until then...the rest is a surprise.

but...we need to watch more movies together because you are some funny shit.
i can't wait for home made falafels either. I love falafels.

so. i would like to talk about how my friend doesn't think that you should trust any man until she thinks he is worth it.
i think you should trust everyone until they give you a reason not to. after they prove you wrong, call it an investment.

i can't help but love.

:D

Katrina at 6:49 AM

2007-01-01

to do this year.

Smile more! Listen more intently. Watch a child discover something new. Do something totally silly ALL THE TIME! Take responsibility for all your actions. Make room for more new friends. Be free with compliments. Encourage someone every day. Tell people you love that you love them. Read. Call old friends. Have a cookout in the middle of winter. Be less critical of others. Volunteer for a good cause. Don't look for someone else to blame when you are unhappy. Learn from your everyday failures. worry less! Be quick to forgive others and learn to forgive yourself. Whatever you do, give it your best shot! Don't gossip. Accept help when it's offered. Bury your prejudices. Accept yourself for who you are. Treat yourself to something expensive or fattening occasionally! Learn a new dance. Be generous not only with money but with time. Challenge your body and your brain. Look at the big picture and don't sweat the small stuff! Watch the sunset and realize that just as no two sunsets are alike. Your moments are a unique and beautiful creation! Live your life this year in a way you can look back on it fondly and without regrets. Make this year a beginning to more years just like it...but somehow different.

Katrina at 5:05 PM

and this is my horoscope today

After a dinner of cold cereal and warm beer -- again -- you'll be just about ready to throw in the towel and admit what an utter failure your life has been. Drown your sorrows in more cold cereal and warm beer.

-thanks guys. sure know how to make a girl feel better.

Katrina at 3:41 PM

what am I... still learning...eternally.

people. they steal smiles. from other peoples happiness.
because almost none of us are truely happy..
so we feed off of others happiness
and smile fakely.
mostly if we can't relate
We like to pretend we can.
I wonder why we pretend we can't relate?
We like to think we are all the same and that we can see the person we are talking to for who they really are. Really, we've never seen anything behind their eyes. We know nothing behind their projecting personas. it's all such guesses. Guesses is my thing right now. about 6 months ago my thing was relations. I was obsessed with relating to each and every one of you. Now I have moved passed it in order to see that it is about perspective. I can't relate unless I agree with in your perspective. don't get me wrong, I love you. All of you. I think you are beautiful. I think you are 10 billion times more amusing than myself. I truely do love you.i think your biography is 10 billion times more amazing than mine. I just think that we should all stop trying.
We should all be out perplexing amazing selves. We should be each other and nothing simultaneously.


yazan,
I wish I could have brought you with me tonight. I made a 20 dollar tip just for letting some guy kiss my cheek....you could have gotten some. mwah!

i hung out with....matt.....roman....tova.....rang in the new years with an old man and roman....I have no idea who either of them are....

I feel more sad then I can possibly explain right now...
i hav ebooze I hope on the 1st someone will get tanked with me and help me feel better ( guess thats what it takes....I know you can talk me out of it)

Love, Katrina

Katrina at 4:39 AM