2006-04-30

I like to blahhhhhhhhg.

I suppose there are two sides to every story. Two side to every coin. Two sides to every body. Everybody in between. Between two bodies. There is a story. I don't know if it lies. Or if it sits. Or if it just takes on two completely different compositions due to unrelative perspectives. Needed a memory I suppose. Something to drive both of them to believe again. It's amazing what you think you don't need before something comes along. Changes everything. Then it goes away. Then you cry. You thought it wasn't going to escape you. Why would it? You're a great person. With fantastic views. Why would anything want to leave you? Newsflash. Even your shit begs you to let it out. Flush me. Goodbye, cruel world. I'd rather swim with the fishes then suffocate with that other shit you joined us to last night at the mandarin. Crabcakes, wtf. Either way, that's my point. It's not you. It's your actions. Which, if you ask me, aren't necessarily you incarnate. You can change these things. Problem is, you never will if you don't see them. When you do, it will smack you so hard in the face you'll be begging for a brown paper bag to cover the damage. Only for a while though. Don't worry, i'll help you make it better, we'll paper mache it. This too will pass.
trailing.......
whats more? When something ends. People love to find someone to blame. A true warrior of hearts war would admit to foibles. Admit defeat. Find what they never knew they had in the first place, somewhere else. The most terrible part is, most of the time, squabbles begin and end with people fighting with themselves. Who are you angry with? Is it even anger? Are you hoping for more and not finding it? Why all these standards all of a sudden? The pursuit didn't seem half this bad, did it? No, because you think this person owes you something. The pursuit need be for happiness. Utter happiness. How are you going to kid yourself into thinking that you, a mixed bag of abrasive aggression, is going to add enough decency to someones life without seeming selfish in the end? You cannot hide behind a facade because the truth always prevails. Always. I don't care how long it takes. You know that thing...that you did...last summer...well yeah, they know and they are PISSED!
I don't mean to sound rude. These are only my thoughts on this. I think maybe you have another opinion. Whoever you are.
Between two bodies, there is a story. I don't know if it lies...

Katrina at 9:35 PM

.to the end.

** Katrina,Here is your horoscopefor Sunday, April 30:
Spend some time with an old friend. It's easy to take certain connections for granted, especially when someone has been in your life for a long time. The stars say now is the time to reinforce that bond. **

So, yesterday. I went on a hike. With a good friend to me. She's been around for a long time. A I would say the bond is pretty well backed by complete understand and respect. I love her. She's effing fabulous. I'll give you an idea of why although you guys couldn't possibly know fully unless you knew her. (Who are you guys? Is anyone reading this?). There is a universe, or so they say. Anyways, In this universe is a whole lot of energy. Kate is 3/4 of that energy. No, really. She is. I don't mean the go out and run a marathon energy. She is the energy behind her rampant thoughts. All these things running through her head. She's probably most of the reason why I think they way I do. Not completely, but she has her finger in the hole.....hmmm. Anyways, Fighting for freedom. Thats what she's here for. Maybe, thats what we're all here for. She's lovable, intelligent, witty and out of this world. To an extremely brain melting degree. When the aliens dropped her off they told her to be the change she wanted....oops...maybe that was when she had a buffet dinner with gandhi.. ..... ...either way..she's working with a platter covered in mud and KY jelly and this lady is not dropping the plates. She has big green eyes with yellow around the pupils..I think this is a sign of the sun. Giving light to places most minds would dare not go. I go with her. Misery loves company. I'd like to bring her to your house. Show you all what a new person she is and watch you reinvent yourself after the inspiration leaves you begging for more. I'll keep kate around. Not because she inspires me, but because she gives me the thoughts I need to inspire myself.

Thank you kate.

Pints.laughs.lost, but who cares?

Katrina at 3:15 PM

That gnat had a purpose

So, last night. small reitteration (sp?), anyways. 34 jello shooters. Helped break a table. Drama. Tonight was much more interesting. Early this evening. My very dear friend kate came over. My mother, herself and I went for a little hike in the park near my house. Vauxhall park. It seems similar to a park over near summerside. you park on the dirt road right across the street from the new subdivision. Back behind the old abandoned farm house there is a trail surrounded in beans. its a bean farm. ok anyways. Down the hill, there seems to be a kind of bike trail but made with wood almost like the movie hook..all the obstacle courses and wooden trails and what not anyways....very romantic as the earth usually is. As i was saying. This whole trail had bridges and things. almost as if people had banned together to form a union to make the trails more appreciated. I loved it. I want more. Mom was tired (a trooper for 50) and it was getting dark. Next Saturday. More. Again. Anyways, the gnats, were fucked. Like, as if, they all ban together to form a coalition. Against what, everything that makes your hike lovely. They invade your orifaces like holes are a delicacy (sp?) Crazy gnats. Just looking for a place to hide. so small, still looking to hide. perspective.

Then I was convinved to go to gt's. My cousin. Intense. I'm telling you. nevermind. Anyways, we went. I saw a bunch of pretty faces. Talked to them. Bad character. Wished for a revolution. Then I forgot. When we left. This guy was across the street screaming. "You got Cocaine?...". Me....."No". Coke dude "Cocaine is sheeeeeeeet!!!, you got cocaine....It is SHEEEEEEEEEEEEET!". Meanwhile, his friend behind him steals their other friends hat...begins to run...toward me...If you didnt know. I'll try anything twice. I take the hat...book it around the corner...all the while his friend is running with me...hysterical laughter. I mean really. I have never felt so liberated. We hide behind a garbage can. still laughter. I can't even describe. I give the hat back... he walks away laughing...slaps my hand. Connection. Done.

I get back to my cousins after waiting 12 years for a cab. I'm now 33 and I can barely sit still.
I begin to talk about tranquilizers. Then animals. Then I change my mind. No more meat. None. Maybe.
Maybe, It all started with the 12 565 487 569th gnat. Maybe, thats when I changed my mind.

Katrina at 3:45 AM

2006-04-29

words and thoughts .ajumble.

What do you write about when you feel like you dont have any thoughts? Ever happened to you? You feel like you dont think about anything important enough to write down yet all day you are thinking. Obviously, reaching the conclusion that you have nothing to write about by ultimately browsing everything you couldnt write about. I personally could not have indexed through everything I have ever thought about or havent. Nor have I meshed them together in sequences that would in turn seem appealing to someone bored enough to read them. How does one get bored?
Especially, when one thinks and can never run out of thoughts. Unless, thinking bores you. In that case, Im very sorry for you. Thoughts shape everything you see, do and know. Thoughts can impact your own life upon changing them. Although on the same token others peoples thoughts on you and your likeness should have no bearing. Respectively, others thoughts can impact positively greatly when one is feeling down or confusion in their own thinking. I wish I could write all of my thoughts down in a day. Maybe have them directly downloading to a hub somewhere where I could browse them at a later date. Maybe then I could look at myself from an absolute angle. There are no absolutes. I dont believe so anyways. Everything is constantly changing, including thoughts. Maybe Im saying I would like to watch my own change process as it unfolds. Im not going to write a thesis because frankly it would be wrong due to the facts I feel are true as noted above. What is truth? It must be relative to what one believes to be true. Ultimate truth. Now that is something worth exploring. Again, what is that? Something that can be argued on every point that is argued until finally the questions stop and the inquirer is left pondering what theyve done wrong all these years? What is life? The search for ultimate truth? What would be the point in that when by the time you figure it out you are dead? What happens when you die? Do you carry on somewhere else using these tools youve learned in your ultimate search? What do you do there? I cant shake this feeling that we are all floating on aimlessly using religion and what not as a crutch to keep us sane. Lets face it. Could our meager minds fathom something as impacting as complete and utter nothing? Even nothing must be something. No. Nothing as in . Nothing. I suppose it would be like sleep without the dreams. Without the breathing, Without the anticipation of waking, Without. Death would be without. My issue isnt death. Its losing everything that is here with me. Love, laughter, tears, funny hairdos and shoes, the stupid things people say, the brilliant things people say, the search for whats going to happen to me after I die because I am enjoying these things immensely. I have no idea what death is. I think I am going to explore it when I get there because right now Im busy exploring life. Ive met so many blistering crazy people. People with thoughts and I wonder whats going to happen to them in their lives. Where they will go, will they think of me in passing the same way I think of them in passing. Wondering what Im doing. I always wonder if I have inspired anyone. Maybe someone inspirational wouldnt think like that but I cant help it. I think it of others. I cant be the only one. Strange. Anyways, this took me 5 minutes and was worth the loss. I just felt like writing. Paper, Thanks for listening.

Katrina at 4:13 PM

your eyeshadow is clumping...you should fix that.

This was the expression on my face when I thought about what happened last night. I mean when it actually sunk in. When I become one with the issue. It's strange that most of us are so inside our heads. Get out of our little heads. My friends. sit quietly. Just looking at something that isn't alive per say. As if there is a lack of feeling to push out words. You could say anything. You are quiet. millions of thoughts. Things about last year. Things about tomorrow. Things about things you thought when you were sitting on the bench downtown that day and we both heard polka dots checks and stripes living vicariously though that old mans tie. He had a fantastic tie. I'd like to make it into a strap for a bag and create the bag part of the bag out of paisley squares and those dancing fire monsters from the labrynth. maybe put david bowie on the back. He would love the feel of my pants against his face. I just know it.

Back to the point. I think that people are afraid. Afraid of their own crazy thoughts. We are all fucking crazy and derranged. Stuck in this place. Why not create something amazing. Create such a love. Give yourself a reason to live. Don't forget that you are here. It's the fucking most beautiful thing and anyone of us couldn't even fathom it ourselves. so, give thanks and praise people. praise whatever you need to...praise your toilet paper for being so caressing against your ass cheeks. I don't care. You are beautiful. We are beautiful. Let's be beautiful together. let go of your preconceived notions and fly against the flock. once we all do that...only then can we change directions.

Peace, love and bobby sherman.

Katrina at 2:29 PM

....

It's a whole new world when you change your mind. I'll recap later. Right now, I'm hungry.

Katrina at 1:31 PM

2006-04-30

I like to blahhhhhhhhg.

I suppose there are two sides to every story. Two side to every coin. Two sides to every body. Everybody in between. Between two bodies. There is a story. I don't know if it lies. Or if it sits. Or if it just takes on two completely different compositions due to unrelative perspectives. Needed a memory I suppose. Something to drive both of them to believe again. It's amazing what you think you don't need before something comes along. Changes everything. Then it goes away. Then you cry. You thought it wasn't going to escape you. Why would it? You're a great person. With fantastic views. Why would anything want to leave you? Newsflash. Even your shit begs you to let it out. Flush me. Goodbye, cruel world. I'd rather swim with the fishes then suffocate with that other shit you joined us to last night at the mandarin. Crabcakes, wtf. Either way, that's my point. It's not you. It's your actions. Which, if you ask me, aren't necessarily you incarnate. You can change these things. Problem is, you never will if you don't see them. When you do, it will smack you so hard in the face you'll be begging for a brown paper bag to cover the damage. Only for a while though. Don't worry, i'll help you make it better, we'll paper mache it. This too will pass.
trailing.......
whats more? When something ends. People love to find someone to blame. A true warrior of hearts war would admit to foibles. Admit defeat. Find what they never knew they had in the first place, somewhere else. The most terrible part is, most of the time, squabbles begin and end with people fighting with themselves. Who are you angry with? Is it even anger? Are you hoping for more and not finding it? Why all these standards all of a sudden? The pursuit didn't seem half this bad, did it? No, because you think this person owes you something. The pursuit need be for happiness. Utter happiness. How are you going to kid yourself into thinking that you, a mixed bag of abrasive aggression, is going to add enough decency to someones life without seeming selfish in the end? You cannot hide behind a facade because the truth always prevails. Always. I don't care how long it takes. You know that thing...that you did...last summer...well yeah, they know and they are PISSED!
I don't mean to sound rude. These are only my thoughts on this. I think maybe you have another opinion. Whoever you are.
Between two bodies, there is a story. I don't know if it lies...

Katrina at 9:35 PM

.to the end.

** Katrina,Here is your horoscopefor Sunday, April 30:
Spend some time with an old friend. It's easy to take certain connections for granted, especially when someone has been in your life for a long time. The stars say now is the time to reinforce that bond. **

So, yesterday. I went on a hike. With a good friend to me. She's been around for a long time. A I would say the bond is pretty well backed by complete understand and respect. I love her. She's effing fabulous. I'll give you an idea of why although you guys couldn't possibly know fully unless you knew her. (Who are you guys? Is anyone reading this?). There is a universe, or so they say. Anyways, In this universe is a whole lot of energy. Kate is 3/4 of that energy. No, really. She is. I don't mean the go out and run a marathon energy. She is the energy behind her rampant thoughts. All these things running through her head. She's probably most of the reason why I think they way I do. Not completely, but she has her finger in the hole.....hmmm. Anyways, Fighting for freedom. Thats what she's here for. Maybe, thats what we're all here for. She's lovable, intelligent, witty and out of this world. To an extremely brain melting degree. When the aliens dropped her off they told her to be the change she wanted....oops...maybe that was when she had a buffet dinner with gandhi.. ..... ...either way..she's working with a platter covered in mud and KY jelly and this lady is not dropping the plates. She has big green eyes with yellow around the pupils..I think this is a sign of the sun. Giving light to places most minds would dare not go. I go with her. Misery loves company. I'd like to bring her to your house. Show you all what a new person she is and watch you reinvent yourself after the inspiration leaves you begging for more. I'll keep kate around. Not because she inspires me, but because she gives me the thoughts I need to inspire myself.

Thank you kate.

Pints.laughs.lost, but who cares?

Katrina at 3:15 PM

That gnat had a purpose

So, last night. small reitteration (sp?), anyways. 34 jello shooters. Helped break a table. Drama. Tonight was much more interesting. Early this evening. My very dear friend kate came over. My mother, herself and I went for a little hike in the park near my house. Vauxhall park. It seems similar to a park over near summerside. you park on the dirt road right across the street from the new subdivision. Back behind the old abandoned farm house there is a trail surrounded in beans. its a bean farm. ok anyways. Down the hill, there seems to be a kind of bike trail but made with wood almost like the movie hook..all the obstacle courses and wooden trails and what not anyways....very romantic as the earth usually is. As i was saying. This whole trail had bridges and things. almost as if people had banned together to form a union to make the trails more appreciated. I loved it. I want more. Mom was tired (a trooper for 50) and it was getting dark. Next Saturday. More. Again. Anyways, the gnats, were fucked. Like, as if, they all ban together to form a coalition. Against what, everything that makes your hike lovely. They invade your orifaces like holes are a delicacy (sp?) Crazy gnats. Just looking for a place to hide. so small, still looking to hide. perspective.

Then I was convinved to go to gt's. My cousin. Intense. I'm telling you. nevermind. Anyways, we went. I saw a bunch of pretty faces. Talked to them. Bad character. Wished for a revolution. Then I forgot. When we left. This guy was across the street screaming. "You got Cocaine?...". Me....."No". Coke dude "Cocaine is sheeeeeeeet!!!, you got cocaine....It is SHEEEEEEEEEEEEET!". Meanwhile, his friend behind him steals their other friends hat...begins to run...toward me...If you didnt know. I'll try anything twice. I take the hat...book it around the corner...all the while his friend is running with me...hysterical laughter. I mean really. I have never felt so liberated. We hide behind a garbage can. still laughter. I can't even describe. I give the hat back... he walks away laughing...slaps my hand. Connection. Done.

I get back to my cousins after waiting 12 years for a cab. I'm now 33 and I can barely sit still.
I begin to talk about tranquilizers. Then animals. Then I change my mind. No more meat. None. Maybe.
Maybe, It all started with the 12 565 487 569th gnat. Maybe, thats when I changed my mind.

Katrina at 3:45 AM

2006-04-29

words and thoughts .ajumble.

What do you write about when you feel like you dont have any thoughts? Ever happened to you? You feel like you dont think about anything important enough to write down yet all day you are thinking. Obviously, reaching the conclusion that you have nothing to write about by ultimately browsing everything you couldnt write about. I personally could not have indexed through everything I have ever thought about or havent. Nor have I meshed them together in sequences that would in turn seem appealing to someone bored enough to read them. How does one get bored?
Especially, when one thinks and can never run out of thoughts. Unless, thinking bores you. In that case, Im very sorry for you. Thoughts shape everything you see, do and know. Thoughts can impact your own life upon changing them. Although on the same token others peoples thoughts on you and your likeness should have no bearing. Respectively, others thoughts can impact positively greatly when one is feeling down or confusion in their own thinking. I wish I could write all of my thoughts down in a day. Maybe have them directly downloading to a hub somewhere where I could browse them at a later date. Maybe then I could look at myself from an absolute angle. There are no absolutes. I dont believe so anyways. Everything is constantly changing, including thoughts. Maybe Im saying I would like to watch my own change process as it unfolds. Im not going to write a thesis because frankly it would be wrong due to the facts I feel are true as noted above. What is truth? It must be relative to what one believes to be true. Ultimate truth. Now that is something worth exploring. Again, what is that? Something that can be argued on every point that is argued until finally the questions stop and the inquirer is left pondering what theyve done wrong all these years? What is life? The search for ultimate truth? What would be the point in that when by the time you figure it out you are dead? What happens when you die? Do you carry on somewhere else using these tools youve learned in your ultimate search? What do you do there? I cant shake this feeling that we are all floating on aimlessly using religion and what not as a crutch to keep us sane. Lets face it. Could our meager minds fathom something as impacting as complete and utter nothing? Even nothing must be something. No. Nothing as in . Nothing. I suppose it would be like sleep without the dreams. Without the breathing, Without the anticipation of waking, Without. Death would be without. My issue isnt death. Its losing everything that is here with me. Love, laughter, tears, funny hairdos and shoes, the stupid things people say, the brilliant things people say, the search for whats going to happen to me after I die because I am enjoying these things immensely. I have no idea what death is. I think I am going to explore it when I get there because right now Im busy exploring life. Ive met so many blistering crazy people. People with thoughts and I wonder whats going to happen to them in their lives. Where they will go, will they think of me in passing the same way I think of them in passing. Wondering what Im doing. I always wonder if I have inspired anyone. Maybe someone inspirational wouldnt think like that but I cant help it. I think it of others. I cant be the only one. Strange. Anyways, this took me 5 minutes and was worth the loss. I just felt like writing. Paper, Thanks for listening.

Katrina at 4:13 PM

your eyeshadow is clumping...you should fix that.

This was the expression on my face when I thought about what happened last night. I mean when it actually sunk in. When I become one with the issue. It's strange that most of us are so inside our heads. Get out of our little heads. My friends. sit quietly. Just looking at something that isn't alive per say. As if there is a lack of feeling to push out words. You could say anything. You are quiet. millions of thoughts. Things about last year. Things about tomorrow. Things about things you thought when you were sitting on the bench downtown that day and we both heard polka dots checks and stripes living vicariously though that old mans tie. He had a fantastic tie. I'd like to make it into a strap for a bag and create the bag part of the bag out of paisley squares and those dancing fire monsters from the labrynth. maybe put david bowie on the back. He would love the feel of my pants against his face. I just know it.

Back to the point. I think that people are afraid. Afraid of their own crazy thoughts. We are all fucking crazy and derranged. Stuck in this place. Why not create something amazing. Create such a love. Give yourself a reason to live. Don't forget that you are here. It's the fucking most beautiful thing and anyone of us couldn't even fathom it ourselves. so, give thanks and praise people. praise whatever you need to...praise your toilet paper for being so caressing against your ass cheeks. I don't care. You are beautiful. We are beautiful. Let's be beautiful together. let go of your preconceived notions and fly against the flock. once we all do that...only then can we change directions.

Peace, love and bobby sherman.

Katrina at 2:29 PM

....

It's a whole new world when you change your mind. I'll recap later. Right now, I'm hungry.

Katrina at 1:31 PM