2006-09-22

It's 4:18am. I can't sleep. In that, I will make you suffer. There is, strangely, therapy in pain. Alot in life cannot be taught with words and cannot be learned without pain. I don't even know if that makes sense...Anyways, the point is...embrace the late night blather.
I think I'm just going to write about why I am awake. Hopefully, it will help put me to sleep. Sorry.
(val, I keep leaving you messages in my blog, talk about geek. this might be of interest to you in the end part)

Incoming!!!!!!!!

I was thinking about how memories are like pictures.
A continuous reel of pictures. Then I thought of tv. then how the tv works which is kind of like how an eye works.
Then I thought, we are conditioned to use our eyes in conjunction with the memories that come along with it. For Instance, Your mother is the person who shows you and tells you about a crockpot. You learn this is a crockpot. You learn it slow cooks tasty all in one dishes. Like stews. Like pulled pork. Roasts, Or small children (oops..backspace...backspace is broken). Someone taught that to your mother and her mother and before that there probably was no crockpot...what a bad example.
You remember what something is because of the picture you got along with some words, but if she had taught you it was a sock warmer, and she warmed socks with it, you'd probably only wonder why it's called a crockpot...why is it called a crockpot?

Its the limbic system, the brains emotional centre, it makes each of us like a plug-in of the crowd.
We believe things to be true because other people say so. (I admit. I have to be up in an hour and I have no idea what I'm talking about, the crock pot thing I should delete. silly backspace.) When someone comes up with something new and unheard of it makes sense because it's almost as if we already knew. It just never raised a question. At that point, we claim to have all thought about it.
I wonder if we all had our own realities, what fun it would be, instead of this collective.

My badbum question is where does reality reside?

I think that we think our outside world is real. Maybe, it was just one animals perception passed down.
Even more, maybe this perception IS my own and part of it is thinking that you are a separate person inside. Maybe, you are just a piece of me.
This world works backwards. I swear it. So then, anyways, If I feel it to be true, that it all comes from inside then how come I can't sleep? Why am I so worried about what is outside after being so darn sure it comes from inside...because Jenny, I may not be a smart man but I know what love is?
No.
Damn these demons, other pieces of me, they poke me with sticks in the night.

I think also, it could be that I don't see a point in nothing. I also don't see a point in something. I am stuck here. No faith. No death. No life as I had once thought it would be. Is that not a big superfreak? Spending at least 17 of your early life looking forward to something that turned out absolutely no different aside from the experiences and the thoughts and growth that came along with those experiences? Call me naive but I was expecting something more. I now see. As great as it is. I was waiting to realize...

THERE IS NO EFFING MEMO!
*sigh, far too much energy wasted.

Which reminds me I still need to get to my post on old age. I caught a documentary tonight about a old age home. If you don't know what that is it's a place where young people put old people because they don't realize that old people are still human. So they kind of shove them together and surround them with four walls and wait for them to die. One by one. Sometimes nurses will drug them and then laugh about them with their co-workers. This I have seen.
Thats pretty much how I feel about them anyways. There is only one exception to that thought of mine....another post.

I'm hoping you all didn't get this far...don't tell me you were expecting something more.

Katrina at 4:24 AM

2006-09-22

It's 4:18am. I can't sleep. In that, I will make you suffer. There is, strangely, therapy in pain. Alot in life cannot be taught with words and cannot be learned without pain. I don't even know if that makes sense...Anyways, the point is...embrace the late night blather.
I think I'm just going to write about why I am awake. Hopefully, it will help put me to sleep. Sorry.
(val, I keep leaving you messages in my blog, talk about geek. this might be of interest to you in the end part)

Incoming!!!!!!!!

I was thinking about how memories are like pictures.
A continuous reel of pictures. Then I thought of tv. then how the tv works which is kind of like how an eye works.
Then I thought, we are conditioned to use our eyes in conjunction with the memories that come along with it. For Instance, Your mother is the person who shows you and tells you about a crockpot. You learn this is a crockpot. You learn it slow cooks tasty all in one dishes. Like stews. Like pulled pork. Roasts, Or small children (oops..backspace...backspace is broken). Someone taught that to your mother and her mother and before that there probably was no crockpot...what a bad example.
You remember what something is because of the picture you got along with some words, but if she had taught you it was a sock warmer, and she warmed socks with it, you'd probably only wonder why it's called a crockpot...why is it called a crockpot?

Its the limbic system, the brains emotional centre, it makes each of us like a plug-in of the crowd.
We believe things to be true because other people say so. (I admit. I have to be up in an hour and I have no idea what I'm talking about, the crock pot thing I should delete. silly backspace.) When someone comes up with something new and unheard of it makes sense because it's almost as if we already knew. It just never raised a question. At that point, we claim to have all thought about it.
I wonder if we all had our own realities, what fun it would be, instead of this collective.

My badbum question is where does reality reside?

I think that we think our outside world is real. Maybe, it was just one animals perception passed down.
Even more, maybe this perception IS my own and part of it is thinking that you are a separate person inside. Maybe, you are just a piece of me.
This world works backwards. I swear it. So then, anyways, If I feel it to be true, that it all comes from inside then how come I can't sleep? Why am I so worried about what is outside after being so darn sure it comes from inside...because Jenny, I may not be a smart man but I know what love is?
No.
Damn these demons, other pieces of me, they poke me with sticks in the night.

I think also, it could be that I don't see a point in nothing. I also don't see a point in something. I am stuck here. No faith. No death. No life as I had once thought it would be. Is that not a big superfreak? Spending at least 17 of your early life looking forward to something that turned out absolutely no different aside from the experiences and the thoughts and growth that came along with those experiences? Call me naive but I was expecting something more. I now see. As great as it is. I was waiting to realize...

THERE IS NO EFFING MEMO!
*sigh, far too much energy wasted.

Which reminds me I still need to get to my post on old age. I caught a documentary tonight about a old age home. If you don't know what that is it's a place where young people put old people because they don't realize that old people are still human. So they kind of shove them together and surround them with four walls and wait for them to die. One by one. Sometimes nurses will drug them and then laugh about them with their co-workers. This I have seen.
Thats pretty much how I feel about them anyways. There is only one exception to that thought of mine....another post.

I'm hoping you all didn't get this far...don't tell me you were expecting something more.

Katrina at 4:24 AM