2006-10-16

Build up of psychological time again. Indentification with the past and projection into the future. Lordy Lordy look who's forty and sporting a fashionable midlife crisis (It even comes in colours). I wonder how I can work through this psychological time issue I am having. We could all throw a million answers at me. It wouldn't matter though. We need to create a tool before we can use the tool. We already know what job needs to be done. So, creating the tool...
Clock time is different. It's kind of useful. Used for practical things like missing buses, missing appointments and being late for work.
We set practical goals for ourselves with clock time and when we lose touch with right here, right now we are no longer paying attention to the now but to the future which is never ever here. There will never be a time when it is ever not now. It is always now. When that happens now becomes a mere stepping stone into an illusion with no intrinsic value whatsoever. Wherever you go, there you fucking are. Here I fucking am. In the normal, mind identified bullshit state of consciousness. The infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the now are completely obscured by psychological time and I am TRAPPED!! Confined to short lived pleasures. Old patterns portraying the same players I cannot stand and that is the issue. I cannot stand those players and so they know it. The mind creates an obsession with the future as an escape from this craptastic present which is actually not craptastic at all. I just like to pretend so. It's another player.
What I perceive as future is an intrinsic part of my state of consciousness now. If my mind carries a heavy burden of past it will perpetuate itelf through lack of presence. The quality of my consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future - which, of course, can only ever be experienced as the now.
ohhh. sweet now. where have you been?
So then, I am thinking, if the quality of my consciousness at this moment determines the future then what determines the quality of my consciousness? My degree of presence in the now? so the only place where change can occur is now. The past must also be dissolved now.
I think I am making progress. I still talk to myself too much.
A few things to work on But only now and fully submersed in now.
I don't want to say I'll think about it tomorrow because its not now.
what time is now?
time to fall out of bed.
---------------------------

the silent watcher
behind the holy illusory
Ironic
how he and his lack of form
will encompass you
and you ask for more
but he's nothing to give
so full speed ahead
while floating in space
trajectories mapping the end
to the race
While the movement and motion
are all quantum leaps
and in between jumps
you are still asleep
Do not be concerned
with the fruit of your action
All bigger fruit
is just a distraction

Katrina at 9:44 PM

2006-10-16

Build up of psychological time again. Indentification with the past and projection into the future. Lordy Lordy look who's forty and sporting a fashionable midlife crisis (It even comes in colours). I wonder how I can work through this psychological time issue I am having. We could all throw a million answers at me. It wouldn't matter though. We need to create a tool before we can use the tool. We already know what job needs to be done. So, creating the tool...
Clock time is different. It's kind of useful. Used for practical things like missing buses, missing appointments and being late for work.
We set practical goals for ourselves with clock time and when we lose touch with right here, right now we are no longer paying attention to the now but to the future which is never ever here. There will never be a time when it is ever not now. It is always now. When that happens now becomes a mere stepping stone into an illusion with no intrinsic value whatsoever. Wherever you go, there you fucking are. Here I fucking am. In the normal, mind identified bullshit state of consciousness. The infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the now are completely obscured by psychological time and I am TRAPPED!! Confined to short lived pleasures. Old patterns portraying the same players I cannot stand and that is the issue. I cannot stand those players and so they know it. The mind creates an obsession with the future as an escape from this craptastic present which is actually not craptastic at all. I just like to pretend so. It's another player.
What I perceive as future is an intrinsic part of my state of consciousness now. If my mind carries a heavy burden of past it will perpetuate itelf through lack of presence. The quality of my consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future - which, of course, can only ever be experienced as the now.
ohhh. sweet now. where have you been?
So then, I am thinking, if the quality of my consciousness at this moment determines the future then what determines the quality of my consciousness? My degree of presence in the now? so the only place where change can occur is now. The past must also be dissolved now.
I think I am making progress. I still talk to myself too much.
A few things to work on But only now and fully submersed in now.
I don't want to say I'll think about it tomorrow because its not now.
what time is now?
time to fall out of bed.
---------------------------

the silent watcher
behind the holy illusory
Ironic
how he and his lack of form
will encompass you
and you ask for more
but he's nothing to give
so full speed ahead
while floating in space
trajectories mapping the end
to the race
While the movement and motion
are all quantum leaps
and in between jumps
you are still asleep
Do not be concerned
with the fruit of your action
All bigger fruit
is just a distraction

Katrina at 9:44 PM