2006-12-15

the undistracted.

I like to begin with saying my life is just my fading self. An idea I created today using thoughts and colour. Among other things. Don't laugh. It's true.
Thats boring though?
I'd rather talk about the undistracted. What is there to be absorbed by and what not to be distracted with? It seems we are all distracted lately. Even myself, I am completely busy with things that are utterly fallible and unimportant. I wonder though what is it that is important. I would assume I do things that I feel are unimportant in hopes to gain something of more importance, meaning or value. Money is not the answer. Keeping busy is not something I love so much. Only if the business is being busily leisured. haha. Busily kept occupied with personally enjoyable activites. Of course, Who doesn't I suppose. The issue is we are constantly looking at other things. What we need. want. enjoy. bleh bleh. Christmas is coming. MANY are preoccupied with this. The many that I know don't even believe in anything that may come close to something that signifies a belief in any sort of christmas celebration. I don't personally care about what they do with their beliefs. Nor do I mind what they do in their non-beliefs. I just wonder when an apparently religious holiday became fucking hallmark. I am no good with jargon but I think I can say freely that it doesn't make much sense to celebrate something you don't believe in. It's a childrens holiday now...christmas is for the kids...everyone will tell you that.
I'd just like to remind myself that kids are just little people and eventually they get bigger.
When they do that lie will be part of the other pile of lies that could possibly create a dilemma in the soul. (I am only speaking from experience). I am not saying I cried when I figured out santa wasnt real. Or that I was an avid church goer. I am just saying, personally, I don't know when this doubt began but I am sure lying to me about santa, the toothfairy and the easter bunny didn't help. Does this make any sense? I wish I knew the jargon. Could make this a little clearer. We lie to these kids to make conglomerates money over the holidays. This christmas spirit makes me ill because I don't see what differentiates Dec 25 from Aug 8th. We should be giving, loving and open armed people 24/7 for eternity. I sound like scrooge. I am not, I promise. I will bake christmas cookies to prove it. I am just confused on what this s about. So far it seems to be a cycle of distractions and absorbment. We just fill up our lives with things to keep us occupied until we die. Wait for it.........................................
For me,
the only thing that seems to work in aiding the distractions is art. Painting. Writing. Creating. Talking. Loving, the sweetest of arts.
Anything you can do without being distracted I suppose.These are the things I think are important when searching to be undistracted. These things we can do calmly because there is nothing for comparison. The modulations in music. The way the sounds come to life in the crescendos and fortes. The sound of silence in meditation. The emptiness of the mind when moving into a painting, drawing or poem. I love a quiet mind. A comfy body. A peaceful expression. I'm easygoing. I suppose when you are easygoing it is easy to go with the flow and get lost in the current. I have proved this point well in the prior months.
I'll try to stay undistracted a little more often.

by the way, I had a crazy dream that I was on a rickety wooden bus you'd see in an episode of lonely planet where they travel to a remote location. There was a celebration happening although it seemed quite sad. I was holding hands with two people one I didn't know and the other character (who I was strangely intrigued to see in my dream) was telling me that this was the only part of the ceremony. That was after the girl said this is the best part. Then I was on that bus with small dirty children and I felt like the bus and administration was malicious...we went up a hill on a dirt road through the woods and they played tricks on these kids and then we sped up and flew off a rock cliff...into the sky....but as I look behind me at the cliff...there is red smoke and it dissipates but not before revealing a face....and then it looks like move credits and below the disappearing face its all words and smallprint and then as im trying to make out what it says the face speaks and it says 'the only game you'll ever play'.....then I woke up...I was dreaming still before that ceremony at the beginning was happening but it was random things...like this guy that I work with was playing basketball in front of some house and i was watching. Other things were going on that I cant remember. I cant even be sure it was basketball he was playing...but it all shut down for this ceremony.
Weird to see him in my dream and the person I was holding hands with at this ceremony was extremely strange to dream about...especially the feeling of the dream and he came from out of nowhere.

Life is a fucking amazing thing.
Now I will spare 10 for robot chicken.
peace my friends.

Katrina at 2:16 AM

2006-12-15

the undistracted.

I like to begin with saying my life is just my fading self. An idea I created today using thoughts and colour. Among other things. Don't laugh. It's true.
Thats boring though?
I'd rather talk about the undistracted. What is there to be absorbed by and what not to be distracted with? It seems we are all distracted lately. Even myself, I am completely busy with things that are utterly fallible and unimportant. I wonder though what is it that is important. I would assume I do things that I feel are unimportant in hopes to gain something of more importance, meaning or value. Money is not the answer. Keeping busy is not something I love so much. Only if the business is being busily leisured. haha. Busily kept occupied with personally enjoyable activites. Of course, Who doesn't I suppose. The issue is we are constantly looking at other things. What we need. want. enjoy. bleh bleh. Christmas is coming. MANY are preoccupied with this. The many that I know don't even believe in anything that may come close to something that signifies a belief in any sort of christmas celebration. I don't personally care about what they do with their beliefs. Nor do I mind what they do in their non-beliefs. I just wonder when an apparently religious holiday became fucking hallmark. I am no good with jargon but I think I can say freely that it doesn't make much sense to celebrate something you don't believe in. It's a childrens holiday now...christmas is for the kids...everyone will tell you that.
I'd just like to remind myself that kids are just little people and eventually they get bigger.
When they do that lie will be part of the other pile of lies that could possibly create a dilemma in the soul. (I am only speaking from experience). I am not saying I cried when I figured out santa wasnt real. Or that I was an avid church goer. I am just saying, personally, I don't know when this doubt began but I am sure lying to me about santa, the toothfairy and the easter bunny didn't help. Does this make any sense? I wish I knew the jargon. Could make this a little clearer. We lie to these kids to make conglomerates money over the holidays. This christmas spirit makes me ill because I don't see what differentiates Dec 25 from Aug 8th. We should be giving, loving and open armed people 24/7 for eternity. I sound like scrooge. I am not, I promise. I will bake christmas cookies to prove it. I am just confused on what this s about. So far it seems to be a cycle of distractions and absorbment. We just fill up our lives with things to keep us occupied until we die. Wait for it.........................................
For me,
the only thing that seems to work in aiding the distractions is art. Painting. Writing. Creating. Talking. Loving, the sweetest of arts.
Anything you can do without being distracted I suppose.These are the things I think are important when searching to be undistracted. These things we can do calmly because there is nothing for comparison. The modulations in music. The way the sounds come to life in the crescendos and fortes. The sound of silence in meditation. The emptiness of the mind when moving into a painting, drawing or poem. I love a quiet mind. A comfy body. A peaceful expression. I'm easygoing. I suppose when you are easygoing it is easy to go with the flow and get lost in the current. I have proved this point well in the prior months.
I'll try to stay undistracted a little more often.

by the way, I had a crazy dream that I was on a rickety wooden bus you'd see in an episode of lonely planet where they travel to a remote location. There was a celebration happening although it seemed quite sad. I was holding hands with two people one I didn't know and the other character (who I was strangely intrigued to see in my dream) was telling me that this was the only part of the ceremony. That was after the girl said this is the best part. Then I was on that bus with small dirty children and I felt like the bus and administration was malicious...we went up a hill on a dirt road through the woods and they played tricks on these kids and then we sped up and flew off a rock cliff...into the sky....but as I look behind me at the cliff...there is red smoke and it dissipates but not before revealing a face....and then it looks like move credits and below the disappearing face its all words and smallprint and then as im trying to make out what it says the face speaks and it says 'the only game you'll ever play'.....then I woke up...I was dreaming still before that ceremony at the beginning was happening but it was random things...like this guy that I work with was playing basketball in front of some house and i was watching. Other things were going on that I cant remember. I cant even be sure it was basketball he was playing...but it all shut down for this ceremony.
Weird to see him in my dream and the person I was holding hands with at this ceremony was extremely strange to dream about...especially the feeling of the dream and he came from out of nowhere.

Life is a fucking amazing thing.
Now I will spare 10 for robot chicken.
peace my friends.

Katrina at 2:16 AM