2006-05-04
This dispute might be settled amicably.
I like to watch him grow. It's almost like having your own child when you nuture
something with love for such a long time. You see the ups and downs. They you change and that changes everything. I'm enjoying my changes. Although, I am just beginning some important changes (no, not menopause, it IS hot in here though). You get to see someone elses changes though. I like relationships and connecting with people. Sometimes, I feel I expose too much of myself though. Isn't that the point with any whole relationship though. I mean, I'll be the first to agree the one and one make two. Keep yourselves separate. These things are what was drawing you to each other in the first place. Absorbing that persons thoughts and expanding your own and vice versa. Growth and building but in a break down kind of process. Then search for more. What amazes me, completely, is long enduring connections. When you can grow with someone and then fall apart. Only the grow together again. It happens alot more than people think. It's almost as if people are getting used for inspiration and then the user wanders off to explore things with their new found inspiration...once they run out they are back for more. It always gets better. Maybe, not for you. In this situation, It's always getting better. I'm learning to slow down. Take things in a little farther. Rather then 4 years ago. Then, I would have heard what you were saying but I wasn't listening. Sorry, I was never listening. I can hear now. It's all screaming at me. I am happy I can see this in another perspective. I'm free of the green eyed monster that used to hinder me. Jealousy, such an ugly little monster. I'm not in a relationship of sorts but I am coming to terms with things I thought meant something to myself regarding such things. I was so wrong. I was so incoherent. You were too. We just didn't understand and respect the differences. Im happy I'm getting older. I'm taking the time now to see things I never saw in all the times I looked. I want to look now. Not too much. Maybe, just a glance. All the fruition of this issue though. I'm afraid the fruit may go bad before I sift through all these heaping piles of newfound love-liness.
If you find something. It means the world to you. Let it be free of your traps.
I'll let it be free of my traps.
Playing the fiddle
Of lustful praise
It sings about it all day
Envelopes you in silk and wet
Begins to like the thought of it
Sleeps here from time to time
And forgets about all the wine
Let alone the lies laying still
Without movement we’d never tell
If it was music or living hell
when the feeling that is kept inside
explodes before you can abide.
***as a side note i said 'though' way too many times in the first paragraph ;) kiss kiss***
Katrina at 1:23 AM