2007-02-21

if you cant control your emotions you must be addicted

Joel finished all the characters for the farthest slide. Far deeper into the macabre then I would have gone. He really has this otherworldly view for this book. I am quite afraid that I have not consulted my right brain even remotely enough to contribute anything worth what he has done. Half the trouble is he is so far away that it's hard to communicate with him. When we finally get in touch with each other BLAM! he throws 5 characters at me and I become stammered speech and shrugging shoulders.
In all sincerity, I am not quite sure I've done anything worth speaking about for the past little while as is (exhibit a: lack of posts).
I am tapped. Nothing has a sparkle or glimmer. The wheel in my brain has stopped spinning and I'm quite sure the driver is on a continuous smoke break or possibly sleeping at the wheel. In my silent absence I have been trying to take better care of myself. I got to visit a few friends I hadn't seen since a few full moons past. I was drunk a bunch of times. I called around to past resources about new volunteer opportunities. I do remember a few revelations but since I no longer have even the drive to carry my notebook I have stopped writing down most of the little idiosyncrasies I notice in nature. I know for me my desires come in waves and I am sure one day I'll wake up full of pep but for now I wake up full of shit and frankly I am fucking boring myself. This is not an easy task so I know I must be good at it.
However, there is one thing I am going to boast about and it is that lately I have been out almost everynight. Not doing any one thing in particular. The fancy part is that I am going out and seeing alot of different people and they are all asking me similar things. I don't know why that is. I do know it's appreciated though, on both sides. I'm glad people think I can answer those kinds of questions and I'm glad that I am not stammered speech and shrugging shoulders when it happens.
Being sick for the past two weeks is not aiding any situation. I am thinking I am finally not contagious or dying.
p.s. I watched what the bleep do we know and a couple other smaller videos and I must say I've never been more impressed with the fact that I think the way I do.
I am finally getting a grasp on how I feel and losing alot of inhibitions when it comes to explaining myself. I am more comfortable then I have ever been and I am so happy that I am a professional feeler. I don't feel strange about that anymore either.
I just know it could be alot worse off. I could be a zombie. I could be a sleeping zombie. I could be dead zombie. Which would be a zombie zombie.
Although, I don't understand why sometimes I feel like crap when everything should be fine. Probably because I pretended not to feel some way about something(s).

Katrina at 4:50 AM

2007-02-21

if you cant control your emotions you must be addicted

Joel finished all the characters for the farthest slide. Far deeper into the macabre then I would have gone. He really has this otherworldly view for this book. I am quite afraid that I have not consulted my right brain even remotely enough to contribute anything worth what he has done. Half the trouble is he is so far away that it's hard to communicate with him. When we finally get in touch with each other BLAM! he throws 5 characters at me and I become stammered speech and shrugging shoulders.
In all sincerity, I am not quite sure I've done anything worth speaking about for the past little while as is (exhibit a: lack of posts).
I am tapped. Nothing has a sparkle or glimmer. The wheel in my brain has stopped spinning and I'm quite sure the driver is on a continuous smoke break or possibly sleeping at the wheel. In my silent absence I have been trying to take better care of myself. I got to visit a few friends I hadn't seen since a few full moons past. I was drunk a bunch of times. I called around to past resources about new volunteer opportunities. I do remember a few revelations but since I no longer have even the drive to carry my notebook I have stopped writing down most of the little idiosyncrasies I notice in nature. I know for me my desires come in waves and I am sure one day I'll wake up full of pep but for now I wake up full of shit and frankly I am fucking boring myself. This is not an easy task so I know I must be good at it.
However, there is one thing I am going to boast about and it is that lately I have been out almost everynight. Not doing any one thing in particular. The fancy part is that I am going out and seeing alot of different people and they are all asking me similar things. I don't know why that is. I do know it's appreciated though, on both sides. I'm glad people think I can answer those kinds of questions and I'm glad that I am not stammered speech and shrugging shoulders when it happens.
Being sick for the past two weeks is not aiding any situation. I am thinking I am finally not contagious or dying.
p.s. I watched what the bleep do we know and a couple other smaller videos and I must say I've never been more impressed with the fact that I think the way I do.
I am finally getting a grasp on how I feel and losing alot of inhibitions when it comes to explaining myself. I am more comfortable then I have ever been and I am so happy that I am a professional feeler. I don't feel strange about that anymore either.
I just know it could be alot worse off. I could be a zombie. I could be a sleeping zombie. I could be dead zombie. Which would be a zombie zombie.
Although, I don't understand why sometimes I feel like crap when everything should be fine. Probably because I pretended not to feel some way about something(s).

Katrina at 4:50 AM