2006-09-14
Watching the human comedy
This begins with me venting. Ends in positive energy. Thats how I roll. I have the negative but I never expect you to receive the negative. So I try to roll it in love and send it packing afterwards. When you finish the hard stuff it makes the easy stuff sugar and pancakes(?). I never know what I'm talking about. It's pointless for you to try figure it out.My boss for the carnie job has a wooden leg. If I wasn't allergic to violence I would have beaten him with it by now. Thank my lucky stars it's only a 10 day long journey through the depths of hell or I would have quit. Today, since his piece of tree prevents his leg from bending, I had to pick up this chunk of pork he dropped on a greasy/dirty floor in our trailer. Me, being a somewhat decent human being I picked it up all the while thinking I was to throw it out and as I go to do so I am grabbed by a gross hand on my upper arm. 'Give it here'. 'ok' I say. He proceeds to cook it on the grill.
After I swallowed the vomit in my mouth. 4 people are in line waiting for food. I just looked at them. They looked at me and then him. His little pool of spit in the corner of his mouth. His soriasis (sp?) scalp bleeding. They cringed and walked away. I said, 'Your amazing customer service skills have exceeded my expectations, but if you want me to stay I'm going to have to throw that out'. He said 'If you waste my food I'll take if off your pay and watch your mouth or you'll be out of a job'. Pardon me? Out of a job? I have two and you have a back bacon joint where everything is sold fresh off the floor in hopes to save money. I couldn't help but wonder why I needed this second job at all. I really don't at all. I am doing a friend a favour. I never question friends. I should have wondered why she wouldn't work for her own father. Now I am thankful the apple fell so far from the tree. This is just this mornings events. There was the time when he asked me if 45 minutes was enough time to make love. Gross. I mean no respect for anyone but himself and I think I'm being nice.
I also work with a woman on very illicit drugs that keeps taking money and I watch her do it. Im almost excited that she's taking the money. I'd almost rather her with a fix than him with anymore dirty pork.
I don't know if I'll go tomorrow other than to say I want to come back only to get my pay. Really the most egocentric fleshbag of a human being I've ever met. I didn't know people could be so self involved. Call me naive. Most just pretend. At least thats kind of respectable. At least they see there might be an underlaying issue.
Anyways, Kate needs lots of hugs. If you see her make the connection.
----------------------------------------
My feet live to feel life in that unused path
The past is gone
And these feet have no choice
But to reclaim their virginity
Clean slate amongst old soles
----------------------------------------
Unrequited love ripples the soul as a boat across water
Wishing does not make love any less
I am chasing a love like the horizon
It reflected and glittered like a sun beam against water
While the dawn broke silently
While my eyes were closed and my dreams open
Love was just a metaphor
For closed eyes and wandering minds
A bittersweet ailment I can’t breathe without
A misery when I turn away
It not enough to feel your hands on my back
I want to hear the children laugh at death
Be fully alive and ready to die
A heart slips into your hands
down in the abyss
I followed it trying to keep an eye
A moving target of my life
Two souls bound in perfect emotion
The secrets lost inside the whirlwind
Am I not lost is it you that hides
I am the mild mannered moon
Casting generous light on the black dove
Catering to swallows
I want to feel the flowers blooming
When the wind is warm and the sun is high
Peace enough to hear a butterfly
But your music plays in the tune of my existence
And now is much too loud
-----------------------------------------------
Watching the venus creature of desire
Swim the infinite sea of reflection
The mirror of lavender dreamers
Landscapes of thoughts
Confined to a weak heart
Burning words from a torch
The stuttering silence
Stifles the lungs, urges not to forward a lyric
A song can be sung even when quiet speaks
A martyr for the lonliness
Waiting
The birds melting away with the snow
Sad melodies and grey days that seem so still
Quick came the weariness, so embracing without choice – no!
The sun moves from left to right and says goodbye – no!
Ignite the golden stars that were stolen from the shadows
Drops falling from the feathers of the lashes
Even the sheets are binding in the night
The death of all these inquisitions
The death of life is perfect
The absence of all thought
No longer under the reign of deceiving immortality
The black debris and gorgeous tradgedies
The Cinderella scapegoat
God sat on his hands and the radio was a saviour
Humming along to the gridlock of thoughts
When the dark is heavy one sings before they die
The sweet song of unattachment
My adagio. My Love.
My fear is all that stands
Between me and a killjoy.
----------------------------------------
end note:
'Beauty is unbearable...offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch over the whole of time'
'A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession'
-canon law
Don't wait. Just do it.
Cheers
Katrina at 12:52 AM